Margaret Atwood - Hag-Seed

“Dislocated both of his scaly Caliban arms,” she announces. “Painful.”

She jumps to her feet, raises both fists, and releases into the air two handfuls of glitter confetti. “Maestro,” she says to Felix. Then she bows to the watchers. The applause is as thunderous as such a small group of men can make it.

“Thank you from Team Miranda and the Goddesses,” says Anne-Marie. She does a stage curtsey. She’s hardly even breathing heavily, though her forehead’s a little damp. She sits down at her desk again and starts putting on her shirt.

“Well,” says Felix. “That was a refreshing interpretation. I think we’ll take a coffee break.”

They stand around with their paper cups of Felix’s premium coffee, and Anne-Marie passes the chocolate cookies. Luckily there are enough to go around.

“These are poxy good,” says Leggs.

“She is one whoreson of a cookie baker,” says SnakeEye.

“Wish there was hash in them,” says 8Handz. There are chuckles.

“A virtuoso performance,” says Felix to Anne-Marie. “But would the goddesses really have that kind of power? They’re just a show put on by Ariel. They aren’t real goddesses.”

“They are now,” says Anne-Marie.

Felix checks his watch. “Okay, we need to move it along,” he says. “Two more reports.” The paper cups are collected and deposited in the trash, the cookies have vanished. “Next is Bent Pencil.”

“I fear I will be something of an anti-climax,” says Bent Pencil. “After Anne-Marie. I’m not much of a dancer.” No one contradicts him. No one laughs. Gamely, he plods to the front.

“Thank you for this opportunity,” he begins. “It has been instructive for me to play the role of the worthy Gonzalo — thankless though worthy characters so often are — and also to have been able to take part in the, ah, innovative segment of interactive theatre to which you, Mr. Duke, have treated us this week to such great effect. I believe the VIPs who found themselves participating on the spur of the moment, as it were, found it eye-opening as well.” He permits himself a retrospective chuckle.

“Dead right,” says Leggs. “We learned them a lot!”

Bent Pencil flicks him a smile. “This report is by Team Gonzalo,” he continues. “Gonzalo does not have any allies or confederates in the play, apart from Ariel, who prevents his murder, and Prospero, who is working behind the scenes. However, Colonel Deth, TimEEz, and Riceball have done me the honor of assisting me in compiling this report.” He sends a thin avuncular beam their way.

“Report: The Life of Gonzalo After the End of the Play. By Team Gonzalo.

“We can divide the characters of The Tempest into optimistic characters and pessimistic characters. The optimistic characters are stakeholders in the more positive side of human nature, the pessimistic characters in the more negative side. So, Ariel and Miranda and Ferdinand are optimists; Alonso, Antonio, and Sebastian are pessimists. Stephano and Trinculo and Caliban waver back and forth, investing in the hope of fortune for themselves but willing, as well, to visit violence and death and/or slavery upon others.

“Gonzalo is at the extreme positive end of the spectrum, so much so that we wonder how he’s survived as a councillor at the court of King Alonso, populated as it is by cynics, opportunists, and placeholders. That he has survived gives some credibility to the proposition that Alonso’s repentance is genuine, that he means what he says, and that Ferdinand and Miranda may therefore look forward to a safe and happy transition to their reign, supported by Alonso to the best of his ability. Unless Alonso had some good in him from the beginning — and despite his facilitating of the callous treatment of Prospero — he would not have employed Gonzalo as his councillor.

“But Gonzalo has little power. Except for Prospero, none of the positive characters — Miranda, Ferdinand, Ariel, Gonzalo — are in positions of power, and even Prospero’s power is hardly of the usual kind. As Caliban says, without his books he’s nothing.

“Is extreme goodness always weak? Can a person be good only in the absence of power? The Tempest asks us these questions. There is of course another kind of strength, which is the strength of goodness to resist evil; a strength that Shakespeare’s audience would have understood well. But that kind of strength is not much on display in The Tempest . Gonzalo is simply not tempted. He doesn’t have to say no to a sinfully rich dessert, because he’s never offered one.

“What we in Team Gonzalo propose for the future life of Gonzalo is as follows.

“Let’s suppose that our pessimistic friends are wrong — that Antonio does not win the day, that Prospero is not thrown overboard — in fact, that all goes as it seems to be planned at the end of the play. Let us overlook also the enjoyable fantasy about Miranda and her goddess friends that has just been created for us with such verve, in Anne-Marie’s performance. I add this on my own, as Team Gonzalo was not aware in advance of this intervention.” He smiles at Anne-Marie, not altogether warmly. “Back to our report. The play of The Tempest declares for second chances, and so should we.

“Thus, everyone sails back to Naples, enjoying the fair winds provided by Ariel via Prospero, and the wedding of Ferdinand and Miranda is celebrated. Prospero bids them goodbye and goes back to Milan, where he takes up his dukedom again and no doubt incarcerates Antonio or otherwise neutralizes him. Prospero tells us that every third thought of his will be his death, but that leaves two thoughts out of three for governing Milan. Let’s hope he’s better at it this time around.

“At the court of Naples, Sebastian is held in check by Prospero’s knowledge of his treasonous intentions toward his brother the King, which Prospero has written down and provided to Miranda to be used against Sebastian if needed. As for Gonzalo, so grateful are Ferdinand and Miranda, and indeed King Alonso, for the good deeds done by him over the course of time that they offer him whatever he wants.

“We, Team Gonzalo, decided to test Gonzalo’s goodness. He chooses to go back to the island with a group of other people as good as himself, and there he sets up a kingdom-republic, with himself in charge, where there will be no differences of rank and no hard labor, and where there will be no immoral sexual behavior, no wars, no crimes, and no prisons.

“That’s our report.

“Signed, Bent Pencil, Riceball, TimEEz, and Colonel Deth.” He beams around the room again.

“Thank you,” says Felix. “And how does it go?”

“How does what go?” asks Bent Pencil innocently.

“Gonzalo’s ideal republic.”

“Team Gonzalo leaves that to your imagination,” says Bent Pencil. “Let’s say that Gonzalo is no magician. He can command no Goblins, nor can he bring the dead to life. Also he has no army. He depends on the better natures of other people. But maybe Bountiful Fortune, otherwise known as Auspicious Star, will smile on him. She’s a character in the play too. Without her, Prospero would never have got his chance. She’s very important.”

“Quite right,” says Felix. “She is. Well done! Full marks for Team Gonzalo. As my uncle used to say, it’s better to be lucky than rich.”

“I’m neither,” says Bent Pencil mildly. He gets a laugh, which gratifies him.

“You’re not lucky yet, maybe,” says Felix, “but you never know with auspicious stars. Who’s up next and last? Ah. Team Hag-Seed.”