Meg Cabot - Boy Meets Girl

Sincerely,

Mitchell Hertzog

ak/MH

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: OH MY GOD

Mrs. Lopez is suing me! ME!!!!!!!!!! After everything I tried to do for her!!!!!

Which, considering she did lose her job, isn’t all that much, I guess. But still. I mean, I TRIED. I warned her plenty of times of what might happen if she didn’t stop refusing to let people have pie.

And now she’s suing me! Can she even have a legal leg to stand on? Did I do something wrong? Oh my God, what if I did something wrong? Then I’ll be fired too!

Oh my God, this is so like an episode of Charmed : Whatever you put out into the world comes back to you, times three, good or bad. I fired Mrs. Lopez, and now I’m going to have THREE TIMES the bad luck as I did before.

As if I didn’t already have the worst luck of any girl on the eastern seaboard.

And who the hell is Mitchell Hertzog? I thought the T.O.D.’s boyfriend’s name was STUART!!!!!!!!

Kate

To: Kate M ackenzie

Fr: Amy Jenkins

Re: (None)

See me at once.

Amy Denise Jenkins

Director

Human Resources

The New York Journal

216 W. 57th Street

New York, NY 10019

212-555-6890

amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com

This e-mail is intended only for the use of the individual to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmission in error; any review, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this transmission is prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by reply e-mail and delete this message and all of its attachments.

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: OH MY GOD

The T.O.D. wants to see me at once!!!!!!

Which means I have to have done something wrong!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kate

To: Stuart Hertzog

Fr: Amy Jenkins

Re: Mitchell Hertzog

Stuart, I have just received a letter from someone whom I can only presume is a family member of yours.

If this is a joke, I have to say it is in highly questionable taste.

If it is not a joke, might I ask why, considering the fact that I had Ida Lopez’s employment terminated at your request, someone else from your law office will be representing me and my employer when we go to court against this woman for breach of contract?

I swore I wasn’t going to bring my personal feelings into this, but I can’t help it. After what happened between us last night, Stuart—how could you let something so important be handled by some underling . . . even if he IS a relative of yours?

Amy

Amy Denise Jenkins

Director

Human Resources

The New York Journal

216 W. 57th Street

New York, NY 10019

212-555-6890

amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com

This e-mail is intended only for the use of the individual to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmission in error; any review, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this transmission is prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by reply e-mail and delete this message and all of its attachments.

To: Amy Jenkins

Fr: Stuart Hertzog

Re: Mitchell Hertzog

Amy, darling, I’m so sorry. Mitch was supposed to wait until I’d had a chance to call you this morning before sending that letter.

The fact of the matter is, sweetheart, I can’t represent you or the paper, due to the fact that I am so personally involved in the case. However, Mitch—my younger brother—is an excellent lawyer, one of the best we’ve got, and will do just as good a job as I would myself, I swear.

On a personal note, how could you entertain the idea, even for a moment, that after what happened between us last night, I would ever do anything that might hurt you or your career? When I woke up this morning and gazed down upon your sleeping face, it was as if I was gazing at the face of an angel, and all I could wonder was, what did I ever do to deserve such good fortune? Amy, you are my everything.

I promise you, you’re in the best of hands.

Yours, now more than ever,

Stuart

Stuart Hertzog, Senior Partner

Hertzog Webber and Doyle, Attorneys at Law

444 Madison Avenue, Suite 1505

New York, NY 10022

212-555-7900

To: Mitchell Hertzog

Fr: Stuart Hertzog

Re: Ida Lopez

Mitch, you asshole. What do you think you’re doing? I told you not to messenger those letters to the Journal until I’d had a chance to call Amy. Have you been drinking, or are you just criminally stupid? Or do you just not care?

I’m warning you right now: Fuck up this case and you’re a dead man.

Stuart Hertzog, Senior Partner

Hertzog Webber and Doyle, Attorneys at Law

444 Madison Avenue, Suite 1505

New York, NY 10022

212-555-7900

To: Stuart Hertzog

Fr: Mitchell Hertzog

Re: Ida Lopez

Stuie! Nice to hear from you. Isn’t it funny how two people can work down the hall from each other—can come, in fact, from the same gene pool—and yet manage to go weeks without exchanging a single pleasantry?

In reply to your e-mail, I am neither drunk nor, to the best of my knowledge, criminally stupid. It’s true I don’t care, though. Does that bother you? Sorry. But when a little old lady takes on a titan of publishing like Peter Hargrave, aka owner of New York’s leading photo-newspaper, in a breach of contract suit, it’s kind of hard for me to root for the home team, if you know what I mean.

Mitch

P.S. Where were you last night? I called during the Michigan game, but got no answer. I know you never go anywhere except out for drinks with Webber and Doyle, and they’re in Scottsdale with Dad for the golf tourney. Could you, perhaps, have Hooked Up? With AMY ?

To: Mitchell Hertzog

Fr: Stuart Hertzog

Re: Ida Lopez

I don’t know what Dad was thinking, asking you to join the firm. You’re as big a slacker now as you were when we were kids.

And as for my hooking up, that is none of your business.

Stuart Hertzog, Senior Partner

Hertzog Webber and Doyle, Attorneys at Law

444 Madison Avenue, Suite 1505

New York, NY 10022

212-555-7900

To: Stuart Hertzog

Fr: Mitchell Hertzog

Re: Ida Lopez

As for Dad hiring me, you’ll remember that it was right after his heart attack. Clearly he wasn’t in his right mind. I warned him then, but he wouldn’t listen.

So. The hookup. It is that chick from the Journal, isn’t it?

Stuie, Stuie, Stuie. Have you learned nothing under my tutelage? I thought I told you to stay away from personnel rep types. They’re all psychiatrist wannabes. You really want to get your head shrunk at the same time you’re getting your, um, ego stroked? Not a good idea.

Hey. Balucchi’s for lunch?

Mitch

To: Mitchell Hertzog

Fr: Stuart Hertzog

Re: Ida Lopez

You leave my ego out of this, you son of a bitch. Mom’s right: You have no sense of family loyalty. Oh, sure, you took the job when Dad had his triple bypass. But the old guy’s doing fine now. So what are you still doing here?

And don’t try to give me that shit about Dad wanting you around. I bet you haven’t talked to Dad in weeks, just like the rest of us.

Why don’t you go back to defending crackheads and the other lowlifes you seem to enjoy hanging around with so much?

And Amy Jenkins happens to be my fiancée—a word I’m aware you wouldn’t understand, because you’ve never gone out with a woman longer than a single basketball season. I would thank you not to screw up this ridiculous lawsuit against her and her employer—who also happens to be one of our biggest clients, if you’ll trouble yourself to recall.