Meg Cabot - Boy Meets Girl

Re: Ida Lopez

Dear Kate,

I was in the senior staff room today when Ida Lopez refused to serve pie to Stuart Hertzog, the paper’s legal counsel. All I can say is, Mr. Hertzog really was unforgivably rude to Mrs. Lopez, even before she refused to serve him—I mean, he acted like he had some kind of inalienable right to pie—and if you need me to make a sworn statement to that effect or anything, I would be willing to. Only please don’t let them fire Mrs. Lopez . . . her chocolate chip cookies are out of this world.

Sincerely,

Mel Fuller-Trent

Features

The NY Journal

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: George Sanchez

Re: Cookie Lady

Don’t fire her.

I mean it. Her gingersnaps are the only thing that keep me sane around here. Besides Mountain Dew.

George Sanchez

Managing Editor

The NY Journal

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Dolly Vargas

Re: That cafeteria lady

Darling, you simply can’t let them get rid of that little dessert-cart person. Her low-fat yogurt muffins are to DIE FOR. I myself have had her cater numerous events, and have received nothing but compliments . . . her carrot cake is simply DIVINE (if not exactly easy for those of us doing the low-carb thing to resist).

And really, if you get rid of her, who are you going to get to replace her? Good help doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

XXXOOO

Dolly

P.S. Thanks for helping to bail me out of that nasty little thing with Aaron Spender. Isn’t it the pits when they go all John Hinckley on you? So glad he took that job with Newsweek, I can’t even tell you! XXOO—D

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Dessert Cart Lady

It is all over the building that the T.O.D. is going to give the Dessert Cart Lady the heave ho for not handing over a piece of pie to Stu Hertzog at lunch today. Is this true?

J

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: Ida Lopez

It’s true. The T.O.D. says *I* have got to fire her. Today. Jen, how am I supposed to fire that sweet old lady? This has to be a mistake. English isn’t her first language. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. I mean, she always calls me dearie when she sees me in the hallway, and sneaks me chocolate chip cookies, even though as a new hire I am not even allowed in the senior staff dining room. Plus everyone—EVERYONE—at the paper loves her.

Everyone except Stuart Hertzog, apparently.

But he’s a lawyer. A LAWYER. What does that tell you about his abilities as a judge of character? Hmmm?

Oh my God, I wish I had called in sick today.

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Dessert Cart Lady

Amy is such a bitch. You know she’s totally in love with Hertzog, right? Tim up in Computers says he saw them at Il Buco last Saturday, with their tongues down each other’s throats. I mean, she’s all but picked out the china pattern. That’s the only reason she gives a crap about Ida.

I wonder if she’ll change her name when the time comes. If anyone deserves to be Mrs. Stuart Hertzog, it’s the T.O.D.

You know what I heard? Hertzog has a cigar-store Indian in his office. He thinks just because he’s a big shot in his daddy’s firm—like his father before him, and his father before him, and so on—nobody’s going to say anything about how unPC it is, or the fact that he’s such a pedantic phony.

Maybe that’s why Ida wouldn’t give him pie.

All I have to say is, that suit he had on today had to cost three grand, easy. It was Armani.

But it doesn’t matter how well he dresses, he’ll still always look like Barney from The Flintstones.

Have you tried reasoning with the T.O.D.? I realize it probably won’t work, but you can be pretty persuasive, when you bat those baby-blues of yours.

J

To: Amy Jenkins

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: Ida Lopez

Amy, are you really sure terminating Mrs. Lopez is the best idea? I mean, like you said, she is extremely popular with the staff. I have been inundated with e-mails from members of the staff—some of them senior members—asking that she not be let go.

It is possible that Mrs. Lopez might benefit from going through customer-service training again. Maybe if we go ahead with the written warning from last week’s infraction, she’ll straighten up. Like you yourself said at last month’s Staff Relations Committee meeting, termination represents not just a failure on the employee’s part, but a failure on the part of her supervisor, as well!

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Amy Jenkins

Re: Ida Lopez

I sincerely hope you are not questioning my authority in this matter, Kathleen. As someone who has less than a year of work here at the Journal under her belt, I would think the last thing you would want to do is question the actions of your direct supervisor—especially while you are still on employment probation.

Ida Lopez has been a continuous problem at this company since the day she was hired. My predecessor was not successful in getting rid of her, but I will be. This time, Ida’s gone too far. I want to see a complete written transcript of your interaction with her this afternoon before you leave the office for the day.

Amy Denise Jenkins

Director

Human Resources

The New York Journal

216 W. 57th Street

New York, NY 10019

212-555-6890

amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com

This e-mail is intended only for the use of the individual to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmission in error; any review, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this transmission is prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by reply e-mail and delete this message and all of its attachments.

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: Ida Lopez

It’s no good, the T.O.D. won’t go for it. Oh, God, Jen. Poor Mrs. Lopez is coming down in ten minutes! What am I going to say to her? WHY did I have to be assigned the LZs??? WHY???

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Dessert Cart Lady

That’s it. We’re going to Lupe’s for mojitos after work. Damn the hormones, I need a drink.

J

Journal of Kate Mackenzie

Professor Wingblade in Soc 101 said writing down our feelings would help us organize our thoughts and enable us to approach problem-solving in a rational manner. But I don’t feel very rational. What am I going to do? I can’t fire Mrs. Lopez.

Okay, yeah, she did refuse service to the paper’s chief legal counsel. But I’ve seen Stuart Hertzog in action, and the fact is, like most lawyers—the ones I’ve met, anyway—he’s a pig. Once I had to share a cab with him to an arbitration and he yelled at the cabbie for taking Lexington Avenue instead of Park, even though the cabbie said there was construction on Park. Then when it came time to pay, Stuart wouldn’t give the guy a tip and said that he can’t stand immigrants because they think they know everything and that even if in the cabbie’s native land he was a surgeon, like he said, that didn’t mean he was qualified to navigate the streets of Manhattan in a moving vehicle, and why couldn’t they all (he meant immigrants, I guess) just stay home?

I totally wanted to point out that Hertzog isn’t exactly a Native-American name, which means at one point Stuart’s relatives must have been new to this country as well, and who knows, maybe one of them worked as a cabbie or an omnibus driver or whatever and how would Stuart have liked it if some lawyer in a fancy suit spoke to his great-great-great-great-grandpa like that?