Meg Cabot - Boy Meets Girl

Oh. Well, in that case, it all makes sense. That looks like a restraining-order skirt if I ever saw one. But back to this lunch. When did this happen?

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Oh. When I saw him Saturday night at the opening.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Describe.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Nothing to describe. He was there with a girl. A very pretty girl. She looked like a praying mantis. And she’s a Doyle, as in Hertzog Webber and Doyle.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Oh. Still, he’s having lunch with you, not her.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

A BUSINESS lunch.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Ergo, that ultra-businessy skirt.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

SHUT UP! Is it really that slutty? Will you trade skirts with me?

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Are you kidding me? Then I’ll have to take a restraining order out against Rob the copy guy. Hey, did you get a load of the T.O.D.’s earrings?

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Yes. They are blinding me. A gift from Stuart, perhaps?

Sleaterkinneyfan:

You know it. I can’t believe he’s giving her that kind of stuff, and they aren’t even married yet. It’s not even her birthday! You know the last present Craig gave me? A scale. Nice, huh?

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Hey, the last present Dale gave me was a drumstick. He said it was Flea’s. But I’m not so sure.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

How was the apartment hunting?

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Well, if I had ten grand in my savings account for first and last month’s rent plus a security deposit, I’d be golden. But since I don’t, I guess it’s just going to have to be me, Dolly, Peter, and Skiboy. At least until I get my tax refund—and the lease runs out on my place with Dale, and I get my half of the deposit back. And I’m able to hock one pair of peed-on suede boots and my very valuable collected works of the Bangles.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Ouch. You know there’s always room at Chez Sadler.

Sleaterkinneyfan:

Thanks. You’re the best. I—Uh-oh, phone call. More later.

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: My mother

I thought mothers were supposed to be sweet and supportive, and love you unconditionally. In fact, I distinctly remember Professor Wingblade telling us that mothers are the ONLY people who can be counted on for unconditional love.

So how come MY mother, instead of feeling badly for me that my boyfriend refuses to commit, is yelling at ME for putting too much pressure on him? I swear to God, my own mother likes my ex more than she likes me.

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Your mother

That’s just because she hasn’t seen you in that skirt yet.

No, seriously, your mother is currently driving across the country in an RV with a man ten years her junior who likes to whittle bird whistles. Okay? Like you’re really going to score points with this woman for breaking up with your soon-to-be-rock-star boyfriend. Did she tell you that you should have just let yourself get “accidentally pregnant” and then you’d have been set for life? Ten to one she did. Is this the sign of a woman playing with a full deck?

J

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: My mother

YES! Oh my God, did you get struck by lightning, or something? Because you’re clairvoyant.

Like I would want to get a husband THAT way. Like having a husband is even that important to me. I mean, you can be a fully rounded human being and not be married, you know. In fact, remember how Professor Wingblade told us that the overall happiness level of marrieds vs. singles was higher in singles? What does THAT say to you?

Oh, sorry. I forgot you were married there for a second.

But I’m just saying. It isn’t because I want to be married that I broke up with Dale. It’s because if he doesn’t love me enough to want to marry me, then he doesn’t love me at all.

Or something like that. Know what I mean? God, I HATE talking to my mother, she always gets me confused.

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Your mother

I get what you mean. Hey, shouldn’t you be meeting your lunch date round about now? It’s almost 12:30.

J

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: My mother

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m late!

Oh my God, I knew I should have made Jen switch skirts with me, I must look like the biggest slut in the world, it’s no wonder he took that call on his cell and has been out in the restaurant lobby

South Sea Shark’s Fin for Two

$19.95

for so long, he’s probably embarrassed to be seen with me, and who can blame him, I look like Alyssa

Crab Meat Asparagus Bisque for Two

$8.95

Milano on Charmed or whatever. He’s probably scared of me, oh God why did I ever

Fish Maw Chowder

$8.95

say I would have lunch with him? I mean, he’s a LAWYER, after all, and I’ve always sworn . . .

Fish Filet in Broth for Two

$7.95

but he’s just so nice, and the chicken in garlic sauce IS really good here, and I’m sure his call must

Chengdu Wonton in Broth

$3.50

be really important, and he DID look really annoyed when he saw who it was on the caller ID.

Hot and Sour Soup

$3.50

Probably it’s about a really important case or something. I hope it’s not that Clarissa girl, I really don’t

Chicken Corn Egg Drop Soup

$3.50

think he’d have taken it if it was, although maybe, who knows? It’s kind of funny, I really don’t think he likes Amy all that much. He says people who exercise that many times a day scare him, which is good

Pan-seared Dumplings

$4.95

because God knows I could barely move yesterday after that run around the reservoir the day before.

Steamed Vegetable Dumpling

$4.95

Not that it was much of a run considering the fact that Dolly stopped every 60 seconds to talk to

Spareribs

$6.95

someone who was going by, God she knows everyone in the world, it seems like. Plus he likes the

Fantail Shrimp

$6.95

Travel Channel, which means we already have something in common, not that we like it for the same

Cantonese Roast Duck

$5.95

reason, he likes it because he’s been to all those places, I like it because now I don’t have to go, since I

Shanghai Vegetable Spring Roll

$2.50

saw it already on TV. But still that’s something, anyway, more than I had in common with Dale, except

Chilled Noodles with Spicy Vinaigrette

$4.50

that we grew up together and both like, you know, sex. And he was the nicest boy in the whole school,

Stir Fried Chicken with Lettuce Taco

$6.95

and the only one who was even remotely interested in anything besides football. And he’s

Sichuan Pork Dumpling with Chili Vinaigrette

$4.50

not a businessy type of person (Dale, I mean), because I don’t know if I could be with someone who is

Fried Taro Toast