Meg Cabot - Princess in Training

“Nurse Lloyd,” I said, from around the thermometer she’d shoved under my tongue, to make sure I was well and truly cured, and could be sent back to class.

“Yes, Mia?” She was looking at her watch as she took my pulse.

“Is it true that if college boys don’t Do It, it backs up?”

Nurse Lloyd snorted. “Is that one still really going around? Mia, you should know better. You took Health and Safety, didn’t you?”

“Then…it’s not true?”

“It most certainly is not.” Nurse Lloyd let go of my wrist and took the thermometer out of my mouth. “And don’t let any of them try to tell you differently. And PS, any condom that’s been in a wallet for an extended period of time should be discarded and replaced with a new one. Friction from movement while carrying the wallet in a pocket can cause tiny holes to develop in the latex.”

I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open. HOW HAD SHE KNOWN ABOUT THIS?

Nurse Lloyd just looked down at the thermometer and said, “I’ve been in this job a long time. Oh, look, ninety-eight point six. You’re cured. You can go now, if you want. But before you do, Mia, just one more thing.”

I looked at her expectantly.

“You must stop bottling things up inside,” she said. “I know you like to write a lot in your diary—yes, I saw you—and that’s great. But you’ve got to VERBALIZE your feelings as well. Especially if you’re angry or upset with someone. The more you keep it buried inside, the more something like what happened today is going to happen. I know princesses are told to keep a stiff upper lip and all of that, but the truth is, if anyone shouldn’t be letting things get backed up, it’s you. Do you understand me?”

I nodded. Nurse Lloyd may be the smartest person I have ever met. And that includes all the geniuses I happen to be best friends with or date.

“Fine. Just let me write you a hall pass,” said Nurse Lloyd.

Which is what she’s doing now.

Do you know what?

NURSE LLOYD IS THE BOMB!!!!!

Note to self: Tell Tina to make Boris buy a new condom before they Do It on Prom Night. Friday, September 11, third-floor stairwell

When I came out of the nurse’s office, Lilly was sitting there in the hallway waiting for me. She had three detention slips in her hand, because hall monitors had come around and found her there and written her up.

But she says she doesn’t care, because she HAD to make sure I was all right. She says she HAD to see me.

Remembering what Nurse Lloyd had said about not keeping things bottled up inside, I told Lilly I HAD to see her, too.

So we escaped up here, where no one will find us, unless someone needs to get to the roof. But the only time anyone needs to go to the roof around here is if some kid from the building next door has thrown his Pikachu or whatever out the window, onto the school’s rooftop, and the custodian or the doorman from next door has to come up here to get it.

Anyway, at first I have to admit I was kind of distant to Lilly, because, hello, she is at least partially responsible for my crying jag. I mean, pens from the palace????

“But people love them,” was her big excuse. “Seriously, Mia, people are, like, keeping them as souvenirs. Not everyone gets to go live in a palace every summer like you do, Mia.”

“That’s not the point.” I can’t believe that, even though Lilly is a genius and all, she needs to have stuff like this explained to her. “The point is that you promised me I wouldn’t have to go through with this.”

Lilly just blinked at me. “When did I say that?”

“LILLY!” I couldn’t believe it. “You swore I wouldn’t end up having to be student council president!”

“I know,” Lilly said. “And you won’t.”

“But you also promised me Lana wouldn’t crush me in a humiliating defeat in front of everyone!”

“I know,” Lilly said. “She won’t.”

“LILLY!” I felt like the top of my head was going to blow off. “If Lana doesn’t beat me, I WILL be president.”

“No, you won’t,” Lilly said. “I will.”

Now it was my turn to blink. “WHAT? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yes, it does,” Lilly said, calmly. “See, what’s going to happen is, you’re going to win the election—because you’re a princess, and you’re nice to everyone, and people like you. Then, after a suitable period of time—say, two or three days—you’re going to have to—regretfully, of course—step down from the presidency on account of being too busy with the whole princess thing. That is when I, whom you will have appointed your vice president, will have to assume the mantle of presidential responsibility.” Lilly shrugged. “See? Simple.”

I stared at Lilly, completely dumbfounded.

“Wait a minute. You’re doing all of this just so YOU can be president?”

Lilly nodded.

“But, Lilly…why didn’t you just run, then?”

That’s when something totally unexpected happened. Lilly’s eyes, behind the lenses of her glasses, totally filled up with tears. Next thing I knew, she was having a crying jag of her very own.

“Because there’s no way I could ever win,” she said, with a sob. “Don’t you remember how I got crushed in last year’s election? Nobody likes me. Not the way they like you, Mia. I mean, you may be a baby-licker and all, but people seem to be able to relate to you, even with the whole princess thing. NOBODY can relate to me…maybe because I’m a genius, and that’s intimidating to people, or something. I don’t know why, really. I mean, you would think people would want the smartest leader they could find, but instead, they seem perfectly content to elect total MORONS.”

I tried not to take Lilly’s calling me a moron to heart. After all, she was in the middle of a full-blown personal crisis.

“Lilly,” I said, astonishedly. “I didn’t know you thought of yourself that way. You know. As not popular.”

Lilly looked up from the detention slips she was weeping into.

“Wh-Why w-would I ever consider myself popular?” she stammered, sorrowfully. “Y-You’re the only real friend I’ve got.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “You have lots of friends. Shameeka and Ling Su and Tina—”

Lilly started to cry harder at the mention of Tina’s name. Too late, I remembered Boris, and his new hotness.

“Oh,” I said, patting Lilly on the shoulder. “Sorry. What I meant was…Well, whatever. People DO like you, Lilly. It’s just that sometimes…”

Lilly lifted her tear-stained face.

“Wh-What?” she asked.

“Well,” I said. “Sometimes you’re kind of mean to people. Like me. With the whole baby-licker thing.”

“But you ARE a baby-licker,” Lilly pointed out.

“Yes,” I said. “But, you know, you don’t need to SAY it all the time.”

Lilly rested her chin on her knees.

“I guess not,” she said with a sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

While I had her in a conciliatory mood, I added, “And I don’t like it when you call me POG or PIT, either.”

Lilly looked at me blankly.

“Then what am I supposed to call you?”

“How about just plain Mia?”

Lilly seemed to think about this.

“But…that’s so boring,” she said.

“But it’s my name,” I pointed out.

Lilly sighed again.

“Fine,” she said. “Whatever. You have no idea how good you have it, POG. I mean, Mia.”

“Good? ME? Please!” I practically burst out laughing. “My life is TERRIBLE right now. Did you SEE what Ms. Martinez gave me on my paper?”

Lilly wiped her eyes.

“Well, yeah,” she said. “She WAS a little harsh. But a B isn’t really that bad, Mia. Besides, I saw your dad headed toward her classroom a little while ago. He looked like he was going to read her the riot act.”