Meg Cabot: The Princess Present

not as happy about it as you would think, since it means Lars gets Mademoiselle Klein all to

himself...well, and Mr.Wheeton ­ seemed to fall on deaf ears. Lars was going, my dad said, and that's

it.

At least Lars travels light. All he brought is one small duffel bag. I asked Lars where his sleeping bag and

pillow were, and he just smiled. I hope he does not think he is sharing mine. I love my bodyguard, but not

that much.

Anyway, Lilly is filming everything on the bus so we won't forget a thing. She took a good long shot of

the sign hanging over the bus driver's head. The sign says:

I AM YOUR BUS DRIVER,CHARLIE.

SAFE, COURTEOUS, AND RELIABLE.

PLEASE STAY BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE.

While we were stuck in traffic in front of the Lincoln Tunnel, Lilly asked us what we thought Charlie

would do if Principal Gupta suddenly threw herself across the yellow line.

"Because Charlie is safe and reliable," Tina said, "he would probably go, `Miss! Stay behind the yellow

line!'

"Yes," I agreed. "But because he is also courteous, he'd probably put it like, `Please, miss! Stay behind

the yellow line! Thank you!'"

For some reason, this made us laugh until we felt like throwing up ourselves.

Only six and a half more hours to go until we get there.

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Saturday, March 12,10 a .m., somewhere along theNew Jersey Turnpike

Michael and I are finally sitting together, but we are not making out yet, because Michael does not

believe in public displays of affection, because, as he says, Some Things Are Private.

Which I fully understand and appreciate.I mean, it is not like I want him to go aroundFrenching me in the

caf , or whatever.

But you know, holding hands wouldn't hurt.

On the other hand, it is sort of uncomfortable to hold hands for any extended period of time. Mine

always starts getting all sweaty. My hand, I mean. Michael's doesn't. His hands are never sweaty.

Maybe on account of him being a musician and all.

Maybe I am suffering from a genetic mutation. I mean, on top of my flat-chestednessand

lack-of-useful-skill-ism. Maybe I've got an extra-sweaty-hand chromosome, or something.

Anyway, Charlie, being safe, courteous, and reliable, hosed down Boris barf when we got to the Molly

Pitcher Service Area, and then we all got back on board, and with the windows down, you really can't

smell it that much. Principal Gupta gave Boris a good dose of Dramamine, and now he is unconscious

with his head lolling against Lilly's shoulder. I guess he wasn't kidding about motion-sickness medicine

causing him to lose his personality. We should give him some every day, if you ask me.

Still, even though Boris spent most of the beginning of the trip barfing, that hasn't stopped him and Lilly

from being the first couple to get caught making out. The were first spotted sucking face in the Roy

Rogers at the rest stop, and a sharp rebuke from Principal Gupta caused them to spring apart.

But just recently I looked toward the back of the bus, and they were at it again! Those two can't keep

their hands off each other!!!

I wish Michael would look back there, and realize maybe a little PDA couldn't hurt...

Oh, my God, I am so tired. And my hair smells a little like Boris's barf. I can't wait until we get there,

and I can wash my hair, and then all the kissing can start.

Saturday, March 12, 5 p.m., Hominy Knob, WestVirginia

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Oh...my...God.

We're here. We finally arrived, and Charlie unloaded our bags, and then we had to pick them up and

carry them to...

OUR TENTS!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!! TENTS!!!!!! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN TENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I realized, of course, that we'd be sleeping intents, I saw pictures of them in the brochure.

But the tents in the brochure had, like, wooden floors, and were raised off the ground. These tents have

no wood supports at all. And they are RIGHT ON THE GROUND. WHERE THERE ARE ALSO

SNAKES.

I have never slept in a tent in my life. Seriously, I am not trying to be a princess about this, but, I mean,

what about bears? And don't tell me there are no bears around here, because we are SURROUNDED

by woods, there is NOTHING but woods in West Virginia, and yeah, Principal Gupta keeps going on

about how beautiful it is, and look at the mountains and smell the clean, fresh air, but hello????

BEARS!!!!!!!!

And didn't she ever see The Blair Witch Project? I mean, I will admit I watched that entire movie with

my eyes closed, but it SOUNDED really scary, and I believe it took place, um, where? OH YES, THE

WOODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is it. We are all so dead.

Lars says not to worry, that he will make sure no wild animals or serial killers get into the tent Lilly and

Tina and I are sharing. But I don't know. That's what the people in The Blair Witch Project did, and

look what happened to them! All they founded of that one guy was his finger! I do not want to find

Lars's finger! I do not want to loseLars, he is an excellent bodyguard with a good sense of humor. Plus

he doesn't mind when Michael and I make out. Do you know how rare that is in a bodyguard????

Anyway,West Virginia itself isn't so bad. So far we haven't met one person wearing a gunnysack or

playing the banjo in a menacing way. Everybody looks...well, just like people inNew York . We haven't

met our "host family" yet. The way it works is, we are all split into groups, and then each group is

assigned to a host family, and then they work on that family's house. I was very scared about the group

thing, like, that I might get assigned to a group away from all my friends, where I wouldn't know

anybody. But fortunately, you get to pick your own group. So Michael, Lilly, Boris, Tina, Mrs. Hill, Lars,

me, Dr. Gonzales, and this one boy, PeterTsu , who is a junior and is on the wrestling team, are all in one

group.

I feel kind of sorry for our host family, to tell you the truth. Because I mean, except for Dr. Gonzales and

possibly PeterTsu ­ who I don't know anything about ­ none of us has ever built anything before. Some

of us have never even held a hammer before.

Our host family's house has a fair chance of ending up looking like complete crap.

Oh, God, there's the bell. We are supposed to gather in the "dining tent" now for orientation and

supper. I am having grave reservations about all of this. I mean, besides the tents and the whole thing

where we are probably going to end up ruining our host family's chances of getting decent housing, there

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is the fact that they have separated the girls' tents from the boys' tents ­ which is going to make it VERY

difficult to find a place private enough to suit Michael's sensibilities for any make-out session that might lie

in our future ­ with ­ I shudder to write it ­ Port-O-Lets!

Yes!!!!! That is right!!!!!! There are not even any working indoor toilets ­ at least until we install our

hostfamily's . We have to use Port-O-Lets!

And don't even get me started on the whole shower thing. The need for solar shower bags came into

startling clarity when I saw the shower area, which is just a bunch oftarped -off stalls with hooks to hang

your shower bag from.

It looks like it's going to be wet wipes the whole way, as it is drizzling steadily and there is not a hint of