Tara Kelly - Harmonic Feedback

His lips inched toward mine. “Was that sarcasm?”

“No.”

He smirked. “It should be. Because—”

I smacked his arm. “That cost you a kiss.”

“Everything you say is worthwhile to me. Even when you don’t let me finish a sentence.” He leaned in to kiss me, and I closed my eyes. But a pillow hit my face instead.

“Jerk.” I grabbed another pillow and tickled him until he dropped his. “Rule number one: You might want to hold on to your weapon.”

He squinted at me, shaking his head. “I think I’ve created a monster.”

I held the pillow over my head, like I was going to bring it down on him. But I leaned in and kissed him instead.

“Sneaky,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

He rolled off the bed and turned on some music. “Bus Stop” by the Hollies. Our song. It was perfect with the hiss of the rain. The wind filtered in, making me shiver. I nuzzled under his flannel sheets.

Justin slid into the bed and kissed me without another word. This felt different. More intense. He peeled my shirt off and brushed his fingers across my bare stomach. We’d almost had sex a few times. At least it felt close. But he always stopped before it went too far. It was harder every time, though, for both of us.

I took his shirt off and enjoyed the feeling of his hot skin against mine.

His breath was ragged in my ear. “I love you,” he said.

My heart beat faster. “What?”

He smiled. “You heard me.”

“I…” Love. I knew it was a big deal for him to say it, but what did it really mean?

“It’s okay if you aren’t ready to say it. I just wanted you to know.”

“I can top that. And be specific,” I said. “I love who you are. Because you accept me for who I am. You make me laugh, sometimes even at myself. And you make me happy.”

He grinned wider. “I can work with that.”

He brought his lips to mine, harder than before. Then he moved down, kissing places that made me shudder. Despite the cool wind blowing against my face, the room felt damp and hot.

I cupped his face. “Do you want to…”

“Yeah, I just need to…” His eyes traveled to the dresser next to us.

“Get something?” I bit my lip.

He rolled onto his back and opened the drawer, pulling out a condom. A short time later, he was kissing me again. His body melted into mine, and I felt dizzy. Like I was in a really good dream. It hurt some, but he was gentle and I saw those stars everyone talked about. For the first time, I felt connected to a rhythm that wasn’t my own.

I rested my head against his chest afterward. His heart was loud and steady in my ear. My legs felt like Jell-O. I wondered if that was normal.

A bright light flashed across his pale blue walls, followed by a loud rumble. Thunder.

“I miss thunderstorms,” Justin said softly. “It’s kind of weird to have one in December, though. Isn’t it?”

I thought of Naomi’s face. The way she glowed as lightning streaked across the sky that one summer afternoon. “We should go outside and dance,” I said.

His chest shook with laughter. “Yeah, right.”

I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. Another flash illuminated the outline of his face. “I’m serious.”

“I think I’d rather cuddle in a warm and dry bed.”

I kissed his cheek. “Suit yourself.” Finding my clothes was quite the scavenger hunt in the dark, but I managed to get everything on in record time.

Justin sat up. The shadows of raindrops moved against his chest. “You’re really going out there?”

“There are certain moments in life you can’t miss. This is one of them.” I stopped by Justin’s bookshelf to give Lizzie a kiss on the head. It had become her favorite perch. “Wish me luck.”

I opened the door and ran into the freezing rain. Mist hovered around the rooftops, and the sky had a pink glow. The air was filled with a magic I couldn’t explain. But every nerve in my body buzzed with anticipation.

A bolt carved a jagged path above me, silencing the world for a few seconds. And then a roar pierced my ears.

Justin ran outside. He covered his head and squinted down at me. “So, this is your idea of fun?”

I grinned at his rumpled T-shirt. “Your shirt is on backward.”

He shook his head, pulling me close. Another flash illuminated his eyes. “We should go inside.”

I rolled my eyes at him. He didn’t get it. “It’s a present from Naomi.” I grabbed his hands and swayed my hips. Grace was something I’d never have, but I could still enjoy looking like a dork. “Dance with me.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his lips against my ear. “I can’t dance.”

“Neither can I.”

We moved together in our own clumsy way. Our slick hands made any kind of grip difficult. The thunder faded into the distance, and the rain lightened some. Justin touched his forehead to mine, a half smile on his face.

“Have you ever kissed someone in the rain?” I asked.

“No. Am I missing out?”

I ran my hands through his wet hair, pulling him close. “Definitely.”

Wind echoed through the clouds, resembling laughter every now and then. I imagined Naomi looking down at us, a wide grin across her face. She wouldn’t have let me miss this moment for the world.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I’d like to start off by saying that this book is not about defining Asperger’s syndrome (AS) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It’s about one girl’s story and experience—which I hope everyone (whether on the autistic spectrum or not) can relate to. Each individual has a unique personality and set of challenges, and this is an ongoing theme in Harmonic Feedback , both with Drea and the people in her life.

Drea’s story was inspired by my own experiences living with ADHD and by my younger brother who is on the autistic spectrum. Both of us experienced difficulties with socialization as children and as teens. I recall teachers calling me “socially immature” and feeling like I was on the outside looking in. My brother experienced this to a larger degree, both academically and socially, but he has made amazing strides. He is now a twenty-one-year-old college student living on his own and, like many of us, battling a tough job market.

I’ve learned a lot from my brother and from others in my life who have been diagnosed with AS or an autistic spectrum disorder (ASD). They are among the most self-aware people I know, because most have been trying to compensate for their differences since childhood. Some display very mild symptoms. In fact, you probably wouldn’t know they’d been diagnosed with anything if they didn’t mention it. This describes Drea. She attends mainstream classes and exhibits only very mild symptoms, but she still has every-day frustrations and challenges, including questioning whether anything is “wrong” with her at all.

For more information, please check out a couple of my favorite Web sites:Wrong Planet (Asperger and Autism Community): www.wrongplanet.net;Dr. Tony Attwood, author of several books on Asperger’s syndrome: www.tonyattwood.com.au.

You can also find clinical information on Asperger’s syndrome, other autistic spectrum disorders, and ADHD at the following Web sites:ADHD: www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/ADHD/index.html;Autism Information Center: www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism.

Table of Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright Page

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18