Jill Mansell - Chapter 1

Having left the café, they were now heading in the direction of Notting Hill. It was a frosty night and the pavement glittered under the street lamps but Lola was protected from the cold by her bunny suit. She was getting a bit fed up, though, with groups of Christmas revellers singing

‘Bright Eyes’ at her. Or bellowing out ‘Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run run run’ while taking aim with an imaginary shotgun. Or bawdily asking her if she was feeling rampant .. .

Which was the kind of question you could do without, frankly, when you were out with your dad.

Your jailbird dad.

God, look at me, I’m actually walking along the Bayswater Road with my father.

‘Blythe knew nothing about it,’ Nick went on. ‘She was four months pregnant. We’d been together for almost a year by then. Obviously we hadn’t planned on having a baby, but these things happen. We started looking around for a place to buy, so we could be together. That was an eye-opener, I can tell you. I was only twenty-one; there wasn’t much we could afford. I felt such a failure. If only we had more money. Are you cold? Because if you’re cold we can flag down a cab.’

‘I’m fine.’ Lola’s breath was puffing out in front of her but the rest of her was warm. ‘So what did you do, rob a bank?’

‘I got involved with a friend of a friend who’d set up a cigarette and booze smuggling operation.

Bringing the stuff over from the continent, selling it on, easy profit.’ Drily, Nick said, ‘Until you get caught. Let me tell you, that wasn’t the best day of my life.’

‘You were arrested.’ Lola tried to imagine him being arrested; she’d only ever seen it happen on TV.

He nodded. ‘What can I tell you? I was young and stupid, and I panicked. Blythe would have been distraught, so I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I appeared at the magistrates court, still didn’t tell her. Had to wait four months for the case to come up in the crown court. Still didn’t tell her. Because I’d only been involved in the operation for a few weeks my solicitor said there was a chance I wouldn’t go down and I clung on to that. I know it’s crazy, but I thought maybe, just maybe, Blythe wouldn’t need to know about any of it. That she’d never find out.’

Lola could kind of see the logic in this. Hadn’t she once failed to hand in an entire geography project and pinned all her hopes on the school burning down before her teacher found out? Oh God, she was her father’s daughter .. .

Aloud, she said, ‘Good plan.’

‘It would have been if it had worked. Except it didn’t.’ Nick shrugged. ‘The judge wasn’t in a great mood that day. I got eighteen months.’

They’d both gambled and lost. Except her punishment hadonly been a trip to the headmistress and three weeks’ detention. ‘So how did Mum find out?’

‘My cousin had to phone her. Can you imagine what that must have been like? She came to visit me in prison ten days later, said it was all over and she never wanted to see me again. I told her I’d only done it for her and the baby, but she wasn’t going to change her mind. As far as she was concerned I was a criminal and a liar, and that wasn’t the kind of father she wanted for her child.

It was pretty emotional. Understandably, Blythe was in a state. Well, we both were. But she was nine months pregnant, so all I could do was apologise and agree with everything she said. That was the second-worst day of my life.’ He paused. ‘You were born a week later.’

Lola was beginning to understand why her mother had invented an alternative history.

‘I served my time, behaved myself and got out of prison after nine months,’ Nick went on. ‘You and your mother were all I’d thought about. I was desperate to see you, and to make Blythe understand how sorry I was. If she still had feelings for me, I thought I might be able to persuade her to change her mind, give me another chance. So I came round to the house and that’s when I saw you for the first time. It was incredible. You were ... well, it’s not something you ever forget.

You were beaming at me, with your hair in a funny little curly topknot and Ribena stains on your white T-shirt. But your mother wasn’t open to persuasion, she said she’d never be able to trust me. She also said I’d put her through hell and if I had an ounce of decency I’d leave the two of you in peace, because no father at all would be easier for you to deal with than a lying, cheating, untrustworthy one. She fmished off by saying if I really wanted to prove how sorry I was, the best thing I could do was disappear. And you know what?’ As they waited for the traffic lights to change, he gave Lola a sideways look. ‘She meant it.’

‘Hey, it’s the white rabbit!’ someone bawled out of a car window ‘Where’s Alice?’

The lights turned green. Together they crossed the road. ‘So that’s what you did: said Lola.

Notting Hill tube station was ahead of them now

‘I didn’t want to. But I was the one who’d messed up. I felt I owed Blythe that much. So I said goodbye and left.’ He waited. ‘That was the worst day of my life.’

Crikey, this was emotional stuff.

‘I keep feeling as if I’m listening to you talk about some television drama.’ Lola shook her head in disbelief. ‘Then it hits me all over again; this is actually about me.’

‘Oi, you in the fur,’ roared a bloke zooming past in a van. ‘Fancy a jump?’

‘My flat’s down here.’ Loftily ignoring the van driver, Lola turned left into Radley Road. ‘I’ve still got loads more questions.’

‘Fire away.’

‘Have you been in trouble with the law since then?’

Nick shook his head. ‘No, no. Apart from three points on my licence for speeding. I learned my lesson, Your Honour.’

‘Are you married?’

Another shake. ‘Not any more. Amicable divorce six years ago.’

‘Any children?’

He broke into a smile. ‘No other children. Just you.’

Lola swallowed; God, this was really happening. Wait until she told her mum about tonight.

‘Well, this is where I live.’ She stopped outside number 73; they’d walked all the way from Soho.

‘Nice place.’

‘Thanks.’ The events of the evening abruptly caught up with Lola; one minute she’d been strolling happily along, the next she was so bone tired all she wanted to do was lie down and sleep for a week. But this man – her father – had just spent the last hour walking her home .. .

‘Right then, I’ll be off.’ Nick James watched her yawn like a hippo.

‘I feel awful, not inviting you in for a coffee.’

‘Hey, it’s fme. I’ll get a cab.’ He raked his fingers through his hair. ‘It’s been a lot to take in.’

Lola nodded; gosh, and now she didn’t know how to say goodbye. This was even more awkward than the end of a disastrous blind date. Was she supposed to hug him, kiss him, shake hands or what?

Nick James smiled and said, ‘Tricky, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it is.’ Relieved that he understood, Lola watched him take out his wallet. ‘Ooh, do I start getting pocket money?’

‘I was thinking more of a business card.’ The smile broadened as he handed over his card. ‘I don’t want to put pressure on you, so from now on I’ll leave it up to you to get in touch with me.

That’s if you decide you want to.’ Turning, he began to walk back down the street.

Lola watched him go, a lump forming in her throat. What a night, what a thing to happen out of the blue. Tucking the rabbit’s head under one furry arm, she delved into her bag for her front door key.

Nick James was about to turn the corner when she cleared her throat and called out, ‘Um ...

Nick? I will be in touch.’