Jill Smolinski - The Next Thing on My List

‘ I hate to say this, but you’ re right.’

‘ Buy the kind in the blue box-the one with the picture of a rabbit on it. It says pregnant or not pregnant in words instead of having to figure out dots or lines. Makes it less stressful.’

‘ How is it you’ re such an expert on home pregnancy kits?’

‘ You’ re asking that question of an Italian stallion like myself? The women call me ‘ sperm of thunder.’ I don’ t dare stand too close for fear I may impregnate them with just a whiff of my manhood.’

THE NEXT EVENING, I called Deedee to say I was in the neighborhood and would her mom let her go grab a quick slice of pizza? When I picked her up, no sooner had she shut the car door than I said, ‘ There are two choices for where we can go for pizza. There’ s Mario’ s on Culver. Or there’ s my place, where I have one in the freezer that we can microwave. The advantage of going to my apartment’ -I paused-’ is that I have a home pregnancy kit there, too. In case you need one for any reason.’

She stared at me, saying nothing.

I continued, ‘ Kip had a hunch you might be pregnant.’

Still nothing.

‘ Might you be pregnant?’

She sat back in her seat, closed her eyes, and gave a wet sigh. ‘ I don’ t know.’

Sounded like microwaved pizza to me.

At my apartment, I read the instructions for the pregnancy kit as neutrally as if I were reading off the side of the pizza box instead. ‘ You need help?’ I asked as she headed to the bathroom.

‘ I can pee by myself.’

‘ Sorry. Thought you might want moral support.’

She added apologetically, ‘ You can come in after.’

Four minutes later, the microwave dinged. The pizza sat untouched, however, because the stick was ready.

Deedee’ s hands were in prayer over her face, so I flipped the stick to the side that would show the results.

Pregnant.

Martucci was wrong. I’ d have much preferred pink dots over that word staring straight at us.

Deedee closed her eyes and whispered, ‘ I am so fucked.’

I grabbed her close in a hug. ‘ Everything’ s going to work out fine,’ I assured her. Her body sank against mine. I had to marvel. Just moments ago, I’ d been staring at proof that she was surely a woman, yet she’ d never before seemed so much like a little girl.

Chapter 11

I f Maria Garcia Alvarez wondered why a doctor was telling her that her fourteen-year-old daughter was pregnant instead of hearing it from the girl herself, she didn’ t show it. She seemed as glad to yell at him as at anyone. Kip’ s face remained placid as they faced each other on the couch, their knees touching, while Maria released a torrent in Spanish. Deedee also sat on the couch, sunk deep in the pillows behind her mother, arms crossed.

Of course, all I could do was watch from where I sat in the armchair. I had no idea what was being said. Kip had taught me the Spanish word for pregnant, embarazada (awfully close to ‘ embarrassment,’ which I found interesting), but the words were coming so fast and furious, I couldn’ t catch even that.

I had promised Deedee that I’ d stand by her whatever decision she wanted to make. We’ d talked for an hour before I drove her home. She’ d suspected she was pregnant, she’ d told me. Just didn’ t want to face it. Some simple math-she’ d had sex only once with Carlos after the holiday dance she’ d been allowed to attend-put her at three and a half months pregnant and due early August. Although what she wanted to do was have the baby and put it up for adoption, she said, she doubted that’ s what would happen. I was incredulous: It was more than obvious to me that that was the best plan. The girl was fourteen! She was an honors student who wanted to go to college! When I’ d told her so, she’ d said, her voice flat, ‘ You don’ t get it. We don’ t give up our babies. It just doesn’ t happen.’

So Kip was brought in to help break the news and, possibly, smooth the waters for the idea of adoption. ‘ Maybe your mom will be open to it,’ I’ d told Deedee. ‘ Since she wants you to go to college, too.’ One look at Maria talking to Kip-gesturing wildly with her hands as she continued her rant-made it clear things were going far from smoothly. No wonder Deedee jumped at my offer to help her tell her mom. The woman was terrifying. If my mom acted like that upon finding out I was pregnant, I’ d curl into a ball and cry.

I didn’ t understand a word of what was being said, but I could make a pretty good guess. I had a boyfriend once who watched soap operas on Telemundo-or, more accurately, watched the busty, sexy, scantily clad actresses on the soap operas on Telemundo. He’ d supply the dialogue in English over what they were saying in Spanish. Only he’ d say things like ‘ My breasts are so very large, they barely fit in this halter top’ and ‘ Here is the weapon used to murder Pedro-and while I hand it to you, I will rub my other hand slowly over my body and lick my lips provocatively.’

The show unraveling before me was no less dramatic, although lacking in sex appeal. Maria’ s lines were too numerous to dub, but they clearly centered on insisting that Deedee got herself into this predicament and now it was time to pay the price.

‘ But Mami!’ Deedee cried, although she only whimpered her lines-and let me tell you, she wasn’ t going to have much of a career in the Spanish soaps if she didn’ t kick it up a notch. I had to guess the rest of her lines since they were delivered in Spanish, but based on my earlier conversation with her, it would be along the lines of ‘ It was one mistake! I shouldn’ t have to pay for it forever! The baby shouldn’ t have to suffer! What kind of mother could I be at fourteen years old? I want to finish high school and go to college and be a writer or a doctor and maybe one day a mom-but someday, not now!’

Maria would then shoot her a stormy look. ‘ You should have thought of that before you slept with the dashing Carlos! Do you think I want to be raising another child at this point? I have a job I love! I am the finest blind cook in all of Los Angeles! And now I’ ll be responsible for a grandchild!’

‘ It doesn’ t have to be that way!’ Deedee would plead. ‘ We can find the baby a good home, where she’ ll be loved and cared for! Isn’ t that part of being a parent? Making the hard choices?’

‘ We are a proud people, Deedee, and don’ t you forget that! Family is everything to us! We cannot turn our backs on family even if it means throwing our own hopes and dreams forever out the window!’

‘ Oh, Mami! Please, I only want-’

‘ Ladies, ladies!’ Kip would interject, his voice deep and soulful. ‘ Stop fighting. Isn’ t there enough strife in the world?’

On the drive home, I learned from Kip that even with the language barrier, I wasn’ t that far off the mark-much to my disappointment.

‘ Don’ t be hard on Deedee for not sticking up for herself more,’ he said. ‘ For her, the idea of giving away her baby probably carries more shame than getting pregnant in the first place. What you and I might call the right choice she sees as selfish-even if she wants it, too. It’ s just how it is.’

‘ That’ s so frustrating.’

‘ Anyway, Maria’ s not ruling out adoption entirely& if the parents were relatives or people in the neighborhood that they knew. She agreed to talk to that woman at the Big Sister program to see if she could help her explore options. The burden of raising the child is going to fall largely to her, and she’ s not excited about it. She’ d love to find a loophole. Some way to give the baby a better life without giving away her grandchild.’

‘ But it’ s Deedee’ s life. It should be her decision.’