Butler, Octavia - Dawn

After a time its head and body tentacles drew themselves into knotted lumps and it hugged itself with its sensory arms. It spoke to her in Oankali: "I want you to live! Your mate is right! Some of these people are already plotting against you!"

"I told you they would plot against me," she said in English. "I told you they would probably kill me."

"You didn't tell me you would help them!"

She leaned against her table platform, head down. "I'm trying to live," she whispered. "You know I am."

"You could clone us," Joseph said. "Is that right?"

"Yes."

"You could take reproductive cells from us and grow human embryos in artificial wombs?"

"Yes."

"You can even re-create us from some kind of gene map or print."

"We can do that too. We have already done these things. We must do them to understand a new species better. We must compare them to normal human conception and birth. We must compare the children we have made to those we took from Earth. We're very careful to avoid damaging new partner-species."

"Is that what you call it?" Joseph muttered in bitter revulsion."

Nikanj spoke very softly. "We revere life. We had to be certain we had found ways for you to live with the partnership, not simply to die of it."

"You don't need us!" Joseph said. "You've created your own human beings. Poor bastards. Make them your partners."

"We. . . do need you." Nikanj spoke so softly that Joseph leaned forward to hear. "A partner must be biologically interesting, attractive to us, and you are fascinating. You are horror and beauty in rare combination. In a very real way, you've captured us, and we can't escape. But you're more than only the composition and the workings of your bodies. You are your personalities, your cultures. We're interested in those too. That's why we saved as many of you as we could."

Joseph shuddered. "We've seen how you saved us-your prison cells and your suspended animation plants, and now this."

"Those are the simplest things we do. And they leave you relatively untouched. You are what you were on Earth- minus any disease or injury. With a little training, you can go back to Earth and sustain yourselves comfortably."

"Those of us who survive this room and the training room."

"Those of you who survive."

"You could have done this another way!"

"We've tried other ways. This way is best. There is incentive not to do harm. No one who has killed or severely injured another will set foot on Earth again."

"They'll be kept here?"

"For the rest of their lives."

"Even. . ." Joseph glanced at Lilith, then faced Nikanj again. "Even if the killing is in self-defense?"

"She is exempt," Nikanj said.

"What?"

"She knows. We've given her abilities that at least one of you must have. They make her different, and therefore they make her a target. It would be self-defeating for us to forbid her to defend herself."

"Nikanj," Lilith said, and when she saw that she had its attention she spoke in Oankali. "Exempt him."

Flat refusal. That was that, and she knew it. But she could not help trying. "He's a target because of me," she said. "He could be killed because of me."

Nikanj spoke in Oankali. "And I want him to live because of you. But I didn't make the decision to keep humans who kill away from Earth-and I didn't exempt you. It was a consensus. I can't exempt him."

"Then... strengthen him the way you did me."

"He would be more likely to kill then."

"And less likely to die. I mean give him more resistance to injury. Help him heal faster if he is injured. Give him a chance!"

"What are you talking about?" Joseph said to her angrily. "Speak English!"

She opened her mouth, but Nikanj spoke first. "She's speaking for you. She wants you protected."

He looked at Lilith for confirmation. She nodded. "I'm afraid for you. I wanted you exempted too. It says it can't do that. So I've asked it to. . ." She stopped, looked from Nikanj to Joseph. "I've asked it to strengthen you, give you at least a chance."

He frowned at her. "Lilith, I'm not large, but I'm stronger than you think. I can take care of myself."

"I didn't speak in English because I didn't want to hear you say that. Of course you can't take care of yourself. No one person could against what might happen out there. I only wanted to give you more of a chance than you have now."

"Show him your hand," Nikanj said.

She hesitated, fearing that he would begin to see her as alien or too close to aliens-too much changed by them. But now that Nikanj had drawn attention to her hand, she could not conceal it. She raised her no-longer-bruised knuckles and showed them to Joseph.

He examined her hand minutely, then looked at the other one just to be certain he had not made a mistake. "They did this?" he asked. "Enabled you to heal so quickly?"

"Yes."

"What else?"

"Made me stronger than I was-and I was strong before- and enabled me to control interior walls and suspended animation plants. That's all."

He faced Nikanj. "How did you do this?"

Nikanj rustled its tentacles. "For the walls, I altered her body chemistry slightly. For the strength, I gave her more efficient use of what she already has. She should have been stronger. Her ancestors were stronger--her nonhuman ancestors in particular. I helped her fulfill her potential."

"How?"

"How do you move and coordinate the fingers of your hands? I'm an ooloi bred to work with humans. I can help them do anything their bodies are capable of doing. I made biochemical changes that caused her regular exercises to be much more effective than they would have been otherwise. There is also a slight genetic change. I haven't added or subtracted anything, but I have brought out latent ability. She is as strong and as fast as her nearest animal ancestors were." Nikanj paused, perhaps noticing the way Joseph was looking at Lilith. "The changes I've made are not hereditary," it said.

"You said you changed her genes!" Joseph charged.

"Body cells only. Not reproductive cells."

"But if you cloned her. .

"I will not clone her."

There was a long silence. Joseph looked at Nikanj, then stared long at Lilith. She spoke when she thought she had endured his stare long enough.

"If you want to go out and join the others, I'll open the wall," she said.

"Is that what you think?" he asked.

"That's what I fear," she whispered.

"Could you have prevented what was done to you?"

"I didn't try to prevent it." She swallowed. "They were going to give me this job no matter what I said. I told them they might as well kill me themselves. Even that didn't stop them. So when Nikanj and its mates offered me as much as they could offer, I didn't even have to think about it. I welcomed it."

After a time, he nodded.

"I'll give you some of what I gave her," Nikanj said. "I won't increase your strength, but I will enable you to heal faster, recover from injuries that might otherwise kill you. Do you want me to do this?"

"You're giving me a choice?"

"Yes."

"The change is permanent?"

"Unless you ask to be changed back."

"Side effects?"

"Psychological."

Joseph frowned. "What do you mean, psycho.. . Oh. So that's why you won't give me the strength."

"Yes."

"But you trust. . . Lilith."

"She has been Awake and living with my families for years. We know her. And, of course, we're always watching."

After a time, Joseph took Lilith's hands. "Do you see?" he asked gently. "Do you understand why they chose you-someone who desperately doesn't want the responsibility, who doesn't want to lead, who is a woman?"

The condescension in his voice first startled, then angered her. "Do I see, Joe? Oh, yes. I've had plenty of time to see."

He seemed to realize how he had sounded. "You have, yes-not that it helps to know."