Butler, Octavia - Dawn

"I think we ought to double our numbers every time," she told Lilith. "That way we go through less repetition, get things done faster, get down to Earth faster."

At least now she was beginning to accept the idea that she was not already on Earth, Lilith thought. That was something.

"I'm probably already Awakening people too fast," Lilith told her. "We've got to be able to work together before we reach Earth. It isn't enough for us just to refrain from killing one another. Down in the forest, we'll probably be more interdependent than most of us have ever been. We might be a little better at that if we give each new set of people time to fit in and a growing structure to fit into."

"What structure?" Tate began to smile. "You mean like a family. . . with you as Mama?"

Lilith only looked at her.

After a time, Tate shrugged. "Just wake up a group of them, sit them down, tell them what's going on-they won't believe you, of course-take questions, feed them, and the next day, start on the next batch. Quick and easy. They can't learn to work together if they aren't Awake."

"I've always heard that small classes worked better than large ones," Lilith said. "This is too important to rush."

The argument ended as Lilith' s arguments with Tate usually ended. No resolution. Lilith continued to Awaken people slowly and Tate continued to disapprove.

After three days, Beatrice Dwyer and Gabriel Rinaldi seemed to be settling in. Gabriel paired with Tate. Beatrice avoided the men sexually, but joined in the endless discussions of their situation, first refusing to believe it, then finally accepting it along with the group's learn-and-run philosophy.

Now, Lilith decided, was the time to Awaken two more people. She Awoke two every two or three days, no longer worrying about Awakening men since there had been no real trouble. She did deliberately Awaken a few more women than men in the hope of minimizing violence.

But as the number of people grew, so did the potential for disagreement. There were several short, vicious fist-fights. Lilith tried to keep out of them, allowing people to sort things out for themselves. Her only concern was that the fights do no serious harm. Curt helped with this in spite of his cynicism. Once as they pulled two struggling, bleeding men apart, he told her she might have made a pretty good cop.

There was one fight that Lilith could not keep out of-one begun for a foolish reason as usual. A large, angry, not particularly bright woman named Jean Pelerin demanded an end to the meatless diet. She wanted meat, she wanted it now, and Lilith had better produce it if she knew what was good for her.

Everyone else had accepted, however grudgingly, the absence of meat. "The Oankali don't eat it," Lilith had told them. "And because we can get along without it, they won't give it to us. They say once we're back on Earth, we'll be free to keep and kill animals again-though the ones we're used to are mostly extinct."

Nobody liked the idea. So far she had not Awakened a single voluntary vegetarian. But until Jean Pelerin, no one had tried to do anything about it.

Jean lunged at Lilith punching kicking obviously intending to overwhelm at once.

Surprised, but far from overwhelmed, Lilith struck back. Two short, quick jabs.

Jean collapsed, unconscious, bleeding from her mouth.

Frightened, still angry, Lilith checked to see that the woman was breathing and not badly hurt. She stayed with her until Jean had regained consciousness enough to glare at Lilith. Then, without a word, Lilith left her.

Lilith went to her room, sat thinking for a few moments about the strength Nikanj had given her. She had pulled her punches, not intending to knock Jean unconscious. She was no longer concerned about Jean now, but it bothered her that she no longer knew her own strength. She could kill someone by accident. She could maim someone. Jean did not know how lucky she was with her headache and her split lip.

Lilith slipped to the floor, took off her jacket, and began doing exercises to burn off excess energy and emotion. Everyone knew she exercised. Several other people had begun doing it as well. For Lilith, it was a comfortable, mindless activity that gave her something to do when there was nothing she could do about her situation.

Some people would attack her. She had probably not yet experienced the worst of them. She might have to kill. They might kill her. People who accepted her now might turn away from her if she seriously injured or killed someone.

On the other hand, what could she do? She had to defend herself. What would people say if she had beaten a man as easily as she beat Jean? Nikanj had said she could do it. How long would it be before someone forced her to find out for sure?

"May I come in?"

Lilith stopped her exercising, put her jacket on, and said, "Come."

She was still seated on the floor, breathing deeply, perversely enjoying the slight ache in her muscles when Joseph Shing came around her new curving entrance-hall partition and into the room. She leaned against the bed platform and looked up at him. Because it was him, she smiled.

"You aren't hurt at all?" he asked.

She shook her head. "A couple of bruises."

He sat down next to her. "She's telling people you're a man. She says only a man can fight that way."

To her own surprise, Lilith laughed aloud.

"Some people aren't laughing," he said. "That new man, Van Weerden said he didn't think you were human at all."

She stared at him, then got up to go out, but he caught her hand and held it.

"It's all right. They're not standing out there muttering to themselves and believing fantasy. In fact, I don't think Van Weerden really believes it. They only want someone to focus their frustration on.

"I don't want to be that someone," she muttered.

"What choice have you?"

"I know." She sighed. She let him pull her down beside him again. She found it impossible to delude herself when he was around. This caused her enough pain sometimes to make her wonder why she encouraged him to stay around. Tate, with typical malice, had said, "He's old, he's short, and he's ugly. Haven't you got any discrimination at all?"

"He's forty," Lilith had said. "He doesn't seem ugly to me, and if he can deal with my size, I can deal with his."

"You could do better."

"I'm content." She never told Tate that she had almost made Joseph the first person she Awakened. She shook her head over Tate's halfhearted attempts to lure Joseph away. It wasn't as though Tate wanted him. She just wanted to prove she could have him-and in the process, try him out. Joseph seemed to find the whole sequence funny. Other people were less relaxed about similar situations. That caused some of the most savage fights. An increasing number of bored, caged humans could not help finding destructive things to do.

"You know," she told him, "you could become a target yourself. Some people could decide to take their anger at me out on you."

"I know kung fu," he said examining her bruised knuckles.

"Do you really?"

He smiled. "No, just a little tai chi for exercise. Not so much sweating."

She decided he was telling her she smelled-which she did. She started to get up to go wash, but he would not let her go.

"Can you talk to them?" he asked.

She looked at him. He was growing a thin black beard. All the men were growing beards since no razors had been provided. Nothing hard or sharp had been provided.

"You mean talk to the Oankali?" she asked.

"Yes."

"They hear us all the time."

"But if you ask for something, will they provide it?"

"Probably not. I think it was a major concession for them just to give us all clothing."

"Yes. I thought you might say that. Then you should do what Tate wants you to do. Awaken a large number of people at once. There's too little to do here. Get people busy helping one another, teaching one another. There are fourteen of us now. Awaken ten more tomorrow."