Jackson, Deborah: Heaven's Children (Earth Totem)

TWO WEEKS EARLIER: SATURDAY

I’m walking through the woods,and themistswirls atmy feet making me feellike I’m walking through water.I feel alive and canseetheenergyof each tree, everything is glowing – it’s sobeautiful.He’s waiting for me there, the mist evaporating as we run to each other.Every movement seems to mimic the other,and I’m laughing as we stand inches apart.He lifts his hands upward and Icopyhim, smiling.I feel a surge of happiness, and we both push our hands together. I frown and so does he, but we are blocked.The air between us ripples like water.I look at him inconfusionand can see he feels the same way.

‘ Hawk, what’s happening, I can’t reach you? He’s shouting something back, but I can’t hear him. The anxiety deepens when I plunge my hand further in; it feels like a magnet, pulling me in.

‘ Hawk?’ I’m screaming now. He looks as stunned as me and it makes me even more frightened. I look to thesideand try tofollowthe wallwith my eyes,butit seems to slice endlessly through the trees.I freeze, when I notice a dark shadow approaching from behind. Thefigureis distorted like a mirage and I can’t see clearly. I want towarnHawk, but he can’t hear me.I’m slapping the ripplesdesperatelyand pointing,buthe keeps mimicking me and my frustration is building. If he could just turn round, and seetheshapelessdarkthing. As it gets closer, it’s growing in size and threat.An image of it reaching him, swallowing feeds my growing hysteria.

‘ Hawk!’ I point frantically to thesideof him, praying that he’llunderstand.Hawk looks at me blankly, copying me. I want to tell him to stop pointing behind me, it’s not after me - it wants him. Then, just like in the horror movies, after what feels like an eternity, realisation hits both of us.

Weslowlyturnaway from each other, and the terror roots me to the spot. I close my eyes and hold my breath as I’m smothered by the darkness.

I’m screaming now, and I can’t breathe, the darkness is suffocating, and I can feel its hands pulling at me.

‘Nevaeh honey its okay. It’s Mum. Nevaeh.’ I blink as she pulls the remains of the duvet off me before sobbing uncontrollably into her arms. She rocks me maternally, like she used to before the grump, wiping my tears away.

‘What’s happening to you lately, Nevaeh? Amber has called so many times and she’s really worried. She said you had an argument with some boy at the end of last week.’

I nod sniffling before pushing myself back up, my head hurting. She propped my pillows behind me, something else that hadn’t happened for a while and I smile gratefully.

‘Mum, they’re just not my type, that’s all it is – promise.’

It’s the first time I have really lied to my Mum but what else can I tell her? That this ‘boy,’ had once read my mind? That they all believe in totems and that my moods affect nature itself? Even I didn’t believe that and heaved a sigh. I miss Hawk the most, even though I don’t understand any of it. My heart feels like it has been torn in two. I take a deep breath, thinking of the texts from both Amber and Hawk. Hawk was the hardest to ignore, and now he is in my dreams all the time. Mum mutters something about teenagers while she’s straightening the duvet round me. I’m enjoying the attention but I also know it’s her way of dealing with worry – fussing.

‘Mum, don’t worry. I’ll call her. I’ve also had a lot of homework. Mr Harris has been putting on the pressure for the finals.’

Mum hesitates between tucking down the side of the duvet and watching me. She’s frowning, and for a brief moment I wonder if she knows that I’m not telling the whole truth. If she does suspect, she isn’t saying anything, and I’m relieved when she finally stands up.

‘Nevaeh, come with us today, we’re going to see Dad’s sister, Maria. I know how you love her cooking.’ She smiles when I grimace before shaking my head. Aunt Maria cooks everything that crawls and then some. Memories of the last dinner, paella and something else, made me gag, even now. Why she didn’t stick with her Spanish roots, not even my Dad, her brother could understand.

‘I don’t want to leave you like this Nevaeh, come with us; I can do with the company and support.’ She added, laughing. Maria also insisted on speaking Spanish even when Mum was around and Dad spent most of the time translating. It was as if, she had never truly accepted my Dad marrying a non-Spaniard.

‘I don’t know why she’s her Mum, all she does is complain about everything.’

After another few attempts, they leave, and I jump in the shower before heading downstairs to make coffee. I breathe in surprise at the aroma of the Turkish coffee, our favourite. Dad doesn’t really like it.

‘Love you too,’ I whisper blowing at the top. It’s a small thing, but since the birth of the grump Mum and I haven’t spent any

time together. For me, it means she still sees me. Inside my room, I almost drop the coffee on the floor.

‘What the hell are you doing here?” I hiss automatically pushing the door half closed behind me. It’s instinct, even though they won’t be back for hours.

Hawk half smiles from my bed – the bed he’s now lying on. I stare at him in shock. I can’t believe that anyone would dare to do this and feel like my jaw has disconnected. Maybe it works on other girls, but not me. He keeps pointing at the vase of flowers next to him. It takes me a few seconds to realise that he must have brought them. I pale, they’re bluebells. That’s what they found me surrounded by the day I went missing. I was five years old and according to my Dad, I looked like a flower fairy. Only my parents and I knew this.

‘Is this some joke? Did someone tell you about the bluebells?’ I whisper. He shakes his head and stands up. ‘Nevaeh, I just brought you bluebells – they’re everywhere, and you didn’t strike me as a rose sort of girl.’ His voice sounded hoarse and I was pleased he couldn’t hear the way my heart was thumping. I notice the open window.

‘I thought only vampires needed an invitation?’ I mocked. He smiles, shaking his head again, this time more slowly.

‘That’s just a story, real vampires just have to hand a girl flowers.’ He plucks one of the bluebells from the vase and hands it to me, bowing low. I take it, looking at him suspiciously. What was he up to? Maybe, this is another one of my dreams and he’s not even real.

‘Nope, flesh and blood.’ He grins patting his arms before throwing himself back onto the bed. I frown. He sounded like he answered me. This was the second time; he’d guessed what I was thinking. He’s still grinning, but this time he’s put his hands behind his head like he’s really enjoying himself. I fume.

‘I’d like you to leave please.’ My voice is cold.