Philip Kerr - The Five Year Plan (1998)

Kate laughed and kissed him quickly.

'OK,' she said. 'What have been your most extraordinary experiences?'

Dave thought for a second. Then he said, 'Walking into town with the Wild Bunch. Easy riding a motorcycle alongside Captain America. Running north by northwest from that crop-dusting airplane. Being seduced by Mrs Robinson. Escaping through Vienna's sewer system. Showing a clean pair of heels to a ten-ton rollerball in an Inca temple. Riding a chariot against Messala in the Circus at Antioch. Destroying the Death Star with my last missile. Playing chess with Death. Kissing Hedy Lamarr. Kissing Grace Kelly. Kissing you.'

'You're right. You have had an interesting life.'

'It's like I told you, Kate. Everyone has movie moments they remember. And this can be one of them. If you want it to be.'

'You could be right,' said Kate. 'But like you also said, I need some more time to think about how I'm going to play this particular scene.'

'Don't take too long about it,' urged Dave. 'In a few days we start shooting.'

Chapter SEVENTEEN

Guests arriving on board the Jade entered an atrium incorporating a life-size sculpture featuring a naked girl being penetrated from each end by two well-endowed men. The sculpture, which was also the logo of Jade Films, was executed in considerable anatomical detail; this, and the 'organic' staircase surrounding it, provided the yacht's focal point. Greeted by Rachel Dana and her crew in the spectacular reception area in front of this atrium, the guests were each handed a glass of Cristal and told that movies were on continuous show in the special theater that was to be found at the top of the curving mahogany staircase.

As soon as Al saw the sculpture he felt sure this was a party he was going to enjoy. A wolfish grin spreading on his blunt features, he said to Dave, 'Will you take a look at that fuckin' artwork? Boy, I sure wish Tony was here to see this. He's a real art lover. Buys quite a bit of sculpture himself. He'd love to have that in his collection.'

'Sounds as if Tony's a regular Solomon Guggenheim,' said Dave. 'I bet he's got Norman Rockwells, Dali prints, Tretchikopfs, everything.'

'He knows what he likes, y'know?'

'When it comes to buying art, nearly everyone has the same problem,' said Dave.

Others arriving at the party looked at the sculpture and seemed less certain of enjoying themselves, among them Kate and Captain Jellicoe.

'It's by Evelyn Bywater,' explained Rachel. 'An English artist.'

'Don't you mean proctologist?' said Kate.

'Her work is very well known throughout Europe and the Far East. She's is something of an institution in Japan.'

'Is that institution as in mental institution?' said Kate and left Jellicoe's side to go and talk to Sam Brockman.

'Jesus. What's wrong with her?' said Rachel. 'You'd think she'd never seen a naked human body before. What about you, Captain? Do you like our work of art?'

'Well,' he swallowed. 'I know nothing about art. We see very little of that kind of thing in the Merchant Navy. But I do have some rather nice prints in my cabin. Old schooners, tea clippers and British warships. But nothing like that. No indeed.' Jellicoe frowned. 'What sort of films does your company make anyway?'

'There's one showing upstairs, if you're interested.'

'Seems hardly sociable to clear off upstairs,' Jellicoe said stiffly. 'Television killing the art of good conversation and all that sort of thing. I've only just got here.'

Rachel took his arm in hers, and said, 'Come with me. I think you'll find it interesting. Most people seem to think our films are actually an aid to conversation. Kind of a therapeutic thing, y'know? It's not like television at all. And you wouldn't have seen any of our films on TV. I can guarantee it. We're much more videooriented.'

She led Jellicoe up to the viewing theater under the envious eyes of Kent Bowen.

'It's OK,' Kate told him. 'She's taking him up to the viewing theater, not her bedroom.'

'They're screening movies up there? Jade movies?'

'I thought that would interest you.'

Sam Brockman raised his eyebrows and said, 'What are they showing?'

Bowen laughed coarsely. 'It's not re-runs of The Brady Bunch, you can be sure of that.'

'Jade Films are in the hard-core porno market,' said Kate.

'Is that so?' Brockman sounded genuinely surprised. 'You know, I've never seen a real porno movie.'

Bowen glanced at Kate, teetering on the edge of ridiculing the Coast Guard lieutenant before suddenly realizing that this could work as a strategy to circumvent Kate's contempt. He said, 'You know something, Sam? Neither have I. What do you say we go and take a look for ourselves?'

Kate fixed Bowen with a gimlet eye. While she could easily believe Sam, she found Bowen's show of innocence harder to swallow.

'Yeah, come on, Kate,' said Brockman. 'Chill out. It might be a blast.'

'Maybe she's already seen one,' offered Bowen.

'I have not.' Kate was sufficiently well informed about what went on in real hardcore porno to know that Howard's subscription to the Playboy Channel hardly qualified as the real thing. 'What do you take me for?'

'It'll be an experience,' urged Brockman.

Kate thought poor Sam was looking more and more like some horny high-school kid. His glasses were a tad foggy, and by now it was obvious that he really hadn't ever seen a porno movie and badly wanted to remedy this omission.

'An experience?' Kate snorted. 'An experience is generally what you learn to call an error in judgment.'

Brockman raised his glass of champagne.

'Then here's to errors in judgment,' he said. 'Things would be Dullsville, Arizona without a few of them. Which, so far, has been my own life's story. Sam Brockman, they'll say. Exemplary career. No mistakes. But the CEO of Bromide Incorporated.'

Kate smiled sympathetically. She had much the same opinion of her own life, with Howard Parmenter being her only major aberration. Filing for divorce had been the most interesting thing that had happened to her in ages. That, and setting up her undercover operation aboard the Duke. Seeing Dave coming toward her she suddenly perceived an extra dimension to what Sam was talking about. Life was about taking risks. And not always calculated risks either. Maybe even a risk like Dave. Sure, making a mistake was always unfortunate. But not to have the opportunity of making a mistake was a catastrophe.

'OK,' she said. 'Why not?

'Attagirl,' said Brockman. 'You only live once.'

'That's been the prevailing theory,' said Kate and indicated the staircase. 'You guys go on ahead. I'll catch you up.' She watched them go up the stairs and then turned to face Dave.

'Hi.'

'Hi.'

For a moment neither of them spoke. Then Kate said, 'I've been thinking, about what you said.'

'Come to any decisions?'

'I haven't ruled anything out.'

'The sea's a pretty good place to float an idea,' he said. 'It's all to do with the freshwater allowance.'

To Kate's keen perception, Dave looked and sounded just a little distracted.

'Don't tell me you have to pay duty on water as well?'

'Fresh water has a lower density than sea water,' he explained. 'Things float deeper in fresh water. There's an F-mark on the ship's Plimsoll line. Difference between S and F is known as the freshwater allowance. You and I are nearer S than F. I'm surprised you didn't know that, you being a boat captain.'

Kate lit a cigarette.

'What's this? The Master Mariner's Certificate? Maybe you'd like to put me through my paces? See if I can fit new impellers in the dark, that kind of thing.'

When Dave made no reply, she smiled and said, 'Don't tell me you've never heard of impellers?'

Dave looked ready to admit defeat.

'It's like a propeller,' she said mischievously.