Simon Scarrow - Sword and Scimitar

‘It has gone beyond making amends, Thomas,’ she said sadly. ‘There is only living with the consequences left to us now.’

He swallowed. ‘I understand. Then I should leave you be.’

As he made to rise, Maria quickly reached across to lay a restraining hand on his arm. ‘You give in so soon? What has happened to the fearless knight I once knew?’

‘Why should I stay?’ Thomas asked bitterly. ‘There is no love in your heart for me.’

‘No?’ She leaned across and kissed him gently on the lips, and then drew back as a smile flickered across her face. ‘How can you doubt it?’

He felt a warm wave of relief and joy swell up inside his breast and his lips parted in a smile as he half rose to move closer to her. Maria’s eyes widened in alarm and she raised a hand to stop him ‘No. Stay there.’

‘But. . .’

‘Stay there, I said. I mean it. Thomas, for the sake of the love you have for me, and for the love I still bear for you, keep your distance. I beg you.’

He sat back heavily, confused and anxious. ‘Maria, you are my all. It has been a lifetime since I last held you. Please.’

She smiled sadly. ‘As you say, it has been a lifetime. Another life has been given to each of us since then. You had your life back in England, and in many campaigns across Europe, so I hear. A rich life, no doubt.’

‘An empty life, without you.’

‘But a life none the less. And I have made another for myself. Once I had forced myself to accept that I would never see you again.’ She paused and her smile faded. ‘It was two years before I was ready to live again. In all that time Oliver took care of me. Despite being a knight, he has a gentle soul, Thomas, and he is a good man. I knew he loved me, and I was fond of him . . . more than fond. So we were married. In private, of course. The Order will turn a blind eye to many things but not to everything, as you and I have discovered. I have been his wife ever since. I have even learned to be happy.’ She stared hard at Thomas. ‘And then you came back into my life, and it was like ... a storm breaking in my heart. I will not lie. My first impulse was to take you in my arms and kiss you. I would have done if I had waited for you in the chapel. Instead I had time to think. Time to consider how much I would hurt Oliver. How you and I could never be happy as we once were.’

‘Why not?’ Thomas demanded in a strained tone. Every word she had uttered had been like a stone set about his neck.

‘We are living under the shadow of a Turkish scimitar, my love. What life I have left I do not want sullied by being the cause of grief and suffering. I could not bear that. Nor could you, if you are honest with yourself.’ She looked at him pleadingly. ‘You must know that I am right.’

He shook his head. ‘It need not be that way.’

It was a lie that seared his heart even as he spoke it. That very night he would be joining the doomed men of St Elmo and he would not be coming back. There were scant hours left in which to make his peace with Maria. He should not flame their feelings into a false promise for the future. She was staring at him, waiting. He nodded slowly.

‘Thank you, Thomas.’ She eased herself closer and then reached out and took his hand. The touch of her skin set off a tremor that rippled through his body. ‘Now, let us talk. Without rancour. Without regret. There are things you should know.’

‘I know. Oliver told me about the fate of our child.’

She looked surprised. ‘Fate?’

‘That he died in infancy.’

Maria frowned and a glimmer of anger shone in her eyes. ‘He said that?’

‘Yes.’

‘He said that our son was dead?’

‘Yes.’

‘But he lives. He lives.’ She looked confused. ‘I could not raise him. I was not allowed. For the first years of his life we kept him a secret and Oliver told the Order that my child had died a few days after he was born. We passed him off as the child of one of the serving girls. Then we were betrayed. They were going to take him from me.’

‘Who?’

‘The knights. The Order was going to send the boy somewhere I would never find him. Where he would not bring shame on them. I begged Oliver not to let them. I begged him, and he promised he would find a solution.’

‘What kind of solution?’

‘He sent the boy to England to be raised by one of Oliver’s cousins. That was the last time I saw him. But I have had news of him from time to time. I am told he has grown into a fine young man. Wait here

Maria rose quickly from the seat and walked back into the house. A moment later she returned and sat down and held out her hand. Opening it, she revealed a small locket on a delicate silver chain. She opened the locket with a warm smile and stared at a miniature portrait inside. Then, still smiling, she offered it to Thomas.

‘This was sent to me when he turned sixteen. This is your son. This is our Ricardo.’

With a cold shiver of premonition Thomas took the locket and gazed down at the familiar features it contained. Younger, yes, and the wavy dark locks of hair that he had inherited from his mother were now tamed and neatly trimmed, but there was no mistaking the dark eyes and dark features of the man he had become.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Aday later, every place in the small force to be sent to St Elmo had been filled, and many more men had been turned away. The friar, Robert of Eboli, had insisted on accompanying the men to offer his spiritual support to their fight. The Grand Master concluded his evening meeting and asked for Colonel Mas and Thomas to remain behind. ‘Are you certain about your decision?’ La Valette asked. ‘I am loath to lose two of my best advisers.’ Colonel Mas nodded. ‘It is, as Sir Thomas argued, the only way. It is vital that no one doubts that we all share the same risks, and the same fate, without exception. Save you, sir. You are indispensable. The men of St Elmo are close to breaking point and are beyond the normal codes of obedience and appeals to duty. All they have left is their sense of honour. If Sir Thomas and I return to the fort with fifty volunteers and tell them that you have a thousand more willing to take their place, they will stay the fight to the end. I am sure of it.’

‘When will you leave?’

‘Tomorrow night, sir. Tonight I will sleep deeply. When I rise early on the morrow I will need time to select my men and to put my affairs in order. There are letters I must write.’

The Grand Master stroked his beard, deep in thought. He turned his gaze to Thomas. ‘And you? It is not too late to change your mind.’

‘I will go with the colonel, sir.’

‘Why?’

Thomas did not reply immediately. There was no one simple reason. Or rather there was, and all other reasons led to it. Maria was now the wife of another man, Sir Oliver Stokely, and must have been for many years. She was lost to him, unless he broke every last code of moral behaviour that was left in him. Even then, the situation was hopeless, for she would never agree to be with him. And there was also the matter of his loss of faith, Thomas reflected. It had been a long, painful road to the belief that there was nothing more than this earthly life. To discover that Maria still lived and might feel for him as he did for her had filled the void and given new purpose and meaning to his life. Now that was gone, and if his life held little meaning, perhaps his death could at least serve a noble purpose.

He cleared his throat and met La Valette’s enquiring gaze. ‘Because I choose to.’

‘And what if I choose to order you to remain here? It is a hard thing to sacrifice Colonel Mas alone. Must I lose you too? I need the advice of men I can trust.’