Mark Tufo: A Plague Upon Your Family

Travis flinched as I put my hand out to his shoulder. “Go back to the Jeep.” I said to him. He didn’t need any persuading. Travis had no sooner turned the corner than I put a well-aimed shot through Speedy’s forehead. He slumped over to the left in an assemblage of monster parts that uncannily resembled a human. I walked slowly back to the big rig doing my best to reincorporate the bile that was threatening to make its grand exit. I fully expected to see nobody, by that I meant nobody outside the truck. Alex was by the back door of the truck looking around.

“What are you doing man?” I asked, maybe with a little more harshness than I meant but I hadn’t fully recovered from my zombie human hybrid encounter yet.

“We’re light four.” He answered gruffly, he hadn’t even witnessed the event and he was in more of a mood to leave than I was. I looked longingly over towards the Jeep and the Explorer, Travis was getting a much needed hug from his mother, Paul and Brendon were securing some stuff on top of the Ford, and Erin was getting some water for Justin who was shakily smoking a cigarette. Tommy was not visible, at least not at first and then I saw him in the back seat of the Jeep and even from this distance I could tell he was in a rush to get going. He didn’t say anything. Words would have been superfluous.

“Shit.” I answered as I turned back towards Alex. “Who’s missing?”

CHAPTER 5

As April and Cash walked into the abandoned house, the smell of dust and Old Spice filled the air. The only sound to break the silence was the squeaking of the not so oiled hinges and the hitched breathing of Cash. Cash was asthmatic and high stress environments like the one he found himself in now tended to exacerbate the problem.

“Come on April we should get back to the truck.” Cash semi-begged, trying his best not to sound desperate.

“What’s your rush Cash, can’t wait to huddle up with BT?” She retorted.

Cash’s cheeks burned from the jibe. He couldn’t understand why he had left the relative safety of the truck. It was when he looked back towards the curvaceous brunette two years his senior that he divined the answer. “Traitorous penis.” He muttered.

“What did you say?” April asked as she entered the defunct kitchen. At twenty-one April knew enough to know that she had an affect on men and could generally get what she wanted just by batting an eyebrow or using her patented pouty lips. Normally she went for guys that could help her actualize her higher standard of living. Cash however, was dirt poor, acne riddled and wheezed entirely too much, in short he was someone she wouldn’t date if he was the last man on earth. But since that was rapidly becoming the case she thought she might have to rethink her strategy, she had needs too.

When the door had finally rolled up on that stuffy trailer, she had made up some lame excuse to go and stretch her legs. With two words ‘Come on’ she had got Cash to follow her. She loved the power her fleeting looks granted her. Loud crashes emanated from the kitchen as April ransacked the place looking for something good to eat. Cabinets clattered, bottles smashed, each loud jolt made Cash’s heart skip a beat.

“May...Maybe you shouldn’t be so loud April.” Cash said cautiously. Whether from fear of being heard by zombies or pissing April off, he wasn’t sure.

“God! All these people have is Cheerios and popcorn!” April shouted. “You should find me something I CAN eat!”

Cash looked longingly back at the front door before he turned and went into the kitchen. In a week, a family of rabid raccoons couldn’t have done the damage April had accomplished in five minutes. Cash numbly stared at the destruction of the small kitchen, April catching his gaping stare commented.

“What? It’s not like the people that used to live here are going to give a shit.” She laughed, as she smashed a pickle jar against the far side wall. The sour smell of vinegar permeated everything. April’s laugh became a little shriller. Cash was petrified. Cash was mesmerized.

April focused her eyes on Cash. “Do me!” She said hungrily. Cash’s jaw dropped, April laughed at his reaction. “What are you a virgin or something?” Cash’s face reddened. “Oh my God?! You are.” She laughed again. Cash’s face burned from the chafing she was giving him, he turned dejectedly back towards the front door. “Well let’s take care of that lover.” She continued greedily.

Cash was not a Mensa member, but you didn’t need a high IQ to figure this puzzle out. Cash fumbled with belt, his fingers suddenly losing all dexterity. Just as got the clasp undone, he heard the shotgun roar in the distance. “We...we...we should go.” He said hastily.

“Oui, oui, oui, what are you French now?” Her eyes never left his.

“But the gun.”

“Probably just target practice.” She answered.

Cash knew better, target practice meant using something that was in diminishing supply, while also alerting anything nearby to your presence. He strained his ears to listen for any signs of trouble.

“I’m getting bored.” April said as she sat on the table.

As the blood rushed out of Cash’s brain so did his higher reasoning. He unzipped his pants and in one deft movement pushed his pants and underwear down. It was at this point that he realized his mistake, at 10 feet away from his conquest, he would have to duck walk over to her, obviously not the sexiest move ever. As he began his penguin pace, a lone shot from the AR-15 rang out. It was too late. Cash’s lower brain was committed and its quarry was within striking distance. Cash shuffled over to the table, and like a heat seeking missile to a raging volcano he struck home.

“Oh my God!!!” April screamed. Cash was inwardly pleased with himself that he was eliciting this reaction from such a beautiful woman. “Get off me!” She screamed as she pounded on his chest. Cash was dejected, confused and hurt. “Get the fuck off me!” As she placed her foot on his chest and pushed him back. Cash fell into something or more correctly someone. He turned simultaneously trying to say his apologies while pulling up his pants.

“Sir I’m so so sorry.” He stammered. “We...We thought this place was abandoned, we didn’t mean any harm we were just looking for some food. Although even a blind man would have known that wasn’t the case. “We’ll clean up the place…right April?” Cash looked back towards April. She had got off the table and was slowly working her way towards the back door. “April...wait.” But April was having none of it. Her countenance was clearly on this new man’s face and she was terror stricken. Cash had finally gotten his pants up into a serviceable fashion when he was able to look up at the homeowner’s face. The stench was hideous, even the intense smell of the vinegar could not hide it. It wasn’t quite the unmistakable stench of death but it was damn close and making a case of its own for top dog. The face of the ruddy farmer, for the most part looked hale, there was a slight pallor but nothing a day or two in the sun wouldn’t cure. The sun however would not be able to fix those two flat black orbs, a shark showed more humanity in its eyes. April reached behind her feeling for the door handle, all the while never taking her eyes off the man.

Everything else happened in an instance, cold air blew in from the back door, April lunged out, almost at a full tilt by the time she got down the three back stairs. Her screaming seemed to enrage the occupant of the house. The man reached for and grabbed a hold of Cash’s jacket. Cash didn’t think twice as he shucked his coat off and headed for the same egress April had left a moment before. Cash was down the stairs and barely away from the house, when the first asthmatic asphyxiation struck. ‘Calm down, Cash’ He thought to himself. ‘Just breathe, you got away, he can’t catch you. Breathe.’ Cash was halfway through his calming technique when the zombie appeared at the top of the small porch. ‘Okay that was a little fast.’ Cash thought, but I’ve been here for a few seconds trying to catch my breath. The zombie jumped down the three stairs and stopped, looking intently at Cash, he was now no more than 25 feet away.