Mark Tufo - A Plague Upon Your Family

“TALBOT!” It screamed.

I jumped up. “Dammit, what?!” Now Igor turned, luckily I wasn’t loud enough to wake anyone. “Nothing…nothing.” I said to Igor. Apparently I seemed convincing enough or he just didn’t care, he said something in Russian and turned back to the window. I said “What?” again but at barely an audible range, but that was probably louder than it had to be, the voice was in my head. That CAT scan seemed like a better idea with every waking moment.

“I’m coming!” The voice said again, and like a television set being turned off, the signal was gone. Cold dread swept over me, I had recognized the voice. Could it be possible? How? My first instinct was to go over to the windows and see if anything was going on.

I was almost out the cell door when Henry looked up at me with imploring eyes. I knew that look. He had to go. “Come on boy.” His small tail wagged in enthusiasm. It was no easy journey getting across the room navigating through the strewn bodies, especially with Henry in tow.

“Vere you going?” Igor asked as I approached the door.

“The dog’s got to go.”

“I vealize that, I have been smelling him all night.”

“Sorry.” I said bowing my head, exposing someone unwillingly to Henry’s toxic fumes will not generally win you any friends. I began to turn the handle.

“I vouldn’t do that.” His tone was casual. His stance was not. I was completely convinced that he would use that gun he was holding if I turned the knob any further. “This is not Vendy’s we are not Open Late.” He was so amused with himself he couldn’t help but flash his gap toothed smile.

I had no clue what he was talking about. I figured he must still be taking pulls off his stock of booze. “Igor, if you think Henry’s farts can peel paint wait until he drops a steaming hot mess for you. When everyone wakes up because of the stench I’ll tell them it’s because you wouldn’t let him out.” The idle threat did little to yield his previous stance. Then the lights in the dimmed Talbot belfry began to illuminate. I understood the Wendy’s reference now.‘Oh shit.’

“How many?” I asked “And when?”

“Da, so now you know.” He smiled again. Although WTF was so funny I don’t know. (This time I actually thought the words out.) "Only a couple and it looks like the sheriff and his deputy have come back to vork. Been here vor about 15 minutes.”

“You haven’t told anybody?” I asked incredulously.

“Vy, vhat good would it do? They are out there we are in here.”

I wanted to yell at him but he was right, we were human and we needed rest. But this place could easily become a lobster trap. Options became extremely limited when you only had one way of egress.

“Ve can take care of them in the morning ven everyone is awake.”

Again with the sound logic, when did he become Socrates? “Has either one of them said anything?” I asked. Igor looked at me like I had found and drank his private stash. “I’ll take that as a no?” Henry whined.

“You had better take him into the bathroom.”

I began to walk Henry over to the facilities. “Igor you’ll let me know if more of them come.”

“Da, da.” He said absently as he waved his hand at me dismissedly and turned back towards the window.

When I got back from taking care of Henry’s needs, I noticed that Justin was awake.

“You should get some sleep bud. Tomorrow’s going to be another long day” I said. I meant it in terms of driving but my thoughts kept drifting back to our guests outside. I don’t think any of us were quite ready for another battle for survival.

“I slept all day. I’ll go to sleep if I need to.” Justin answered on the snappish side.

Normally this kind of insolence especially from my kids would send me through the roof. But he looked like crap and I felt like crap, so we basically cancelled each other out.

“We should kill him. He’s always telling us what to do.”

“He is, isn’t he? I could teach him a thing or two!”

“That’s it, one quick shot to the heart and all your troubles would be over.”

“Wait wouldn’t it be all of OUR troubles?”

“Kill him.”

“Who are you? I can’t kill him he’s my father.” Justin shivered involuntarily

Henry fell back asleep in seconds flat, not so tough when you have as much practice as he does. I unfortunately wasn’t so lucky. I was having a difficult time getting any sort of comfortable when I rolled over for the third effen time I saw Justin looking at me. The gaze was not a comforting one. I got the distinct impression he wanted to do me bodily harm, when he realized I was looking at him the hostility fell off his features. For a second he looked confused and then he rolled over as if he was embarrassed because he got caught doing something he shouldn’t have.

The next morning couldn’t come quick enough. This night would have a hard time getting any stranger. With the sunlight came the thumping, my dream of hooking up with Wonder Woman was getting frustrating. Every time we moved, the headboard slammed up against the wall, the noise was so loud it eventually woke me up. Not only did I realize I wasn’t banging Wonder Woman I also had the uncomfortable task of readjusting my manhood, so to speak. Then to top off this glorious day, the banging wasn’t so much due to some heavy amorous lovemaking, but rather some unwanted breakfast guests.

I sat up quickly. Igor was still at his post but he was fast asleep. A couple of other folks started to stir but nobody yet realized the danger we were in. I got up quickly, not thrilled with the fact that my still erect penis, scraping against my zipper, was causing a most unpleasant sensation. I bent over at the waist to give more room for adjustment and to attempt to minimize the imminent immense pain that was coming. Fuck the zombies. This was going to take priority. After several deep breaths and a conscious effort not to puke I realized the worst of my endeavor had passed. If this was the worst that the day had to offer it might not be so bad. (Later edit…yeah that wasn’t the case, the day started off bad and got progressively worse.) I began my unfolding at the waist when I was so rudely interrupted by another thump at the door. Shards of brilliant sunlight shot in as the door rattled on its frame but it didn’t seem like it was going to give anytime soon.

I crossed over to the windows, receiving loud protests as I pulled back the storm shutters. Sunlight flooded into all the dark crevices within our makeshift motel room. The remonstrations were nothing compared with the shattering of glass as a hand shot through the barred glass and sought purchase on my t-shirt. I jumped back with an agility I hadn’t attained since my high school football days. I felt a fingernail pull against my skin I only hoped it wasn’t deep enough to mar the flesh. The scar I could live with, the effects of the infection were quite another. Igor awoke in a flash. The air-rending explosion of his rifle had everyone on their feet. The zombie that had made its presence known howled in frustration as I danced out of its grasp. The rifle shot to its shoulder seemed to do little to distract it from its primary target. I watched as fresh blood poured from its wound, I wasn’t sure what had me more intrigued, the fact that the blood wasn’t some congealed blood red, bacon fat, looking substance or the constant mewling of the zombie as it keened in disappointment. Without meaning to, I found myself continually backing away as the zombie tried its best to fit itself through the six-inch space between the bars to get at me. Igor was saying something loudly in Russian, from his tone and volume I assumed it was swearing (but who can tell, a love song spoken in Russian sounds like taunts at a bar fight) as he tried to unpry a jammed bullet in his HK-47. (Russian piece of shit weapon. No, I’m not kidding that went through my head as I kept backing up, while looking at the zombie and also checking my stomach for any tell tale signs of red welpish weeping wounds.)