Ronald Malfi - Floating Staircase

I waited for a moment, too afraid to admit to myself that I was waiting—and fearing—some sort of response to rise out of the darkness: a furtive shuffling noise or even a pair of glowing eyes to open at the bottom of the stairwell. But nothing happened.

Cold, I went to bed.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“I want to take some of Elijah’s stuff back to his mother,” I said.

It was a bright January morning, the smell of mesquite in the air. Adam and I were walking the perimeter of the lake, steaming Styrofoam cups of coffee in our hands. Up ahead, Jacob and Madison darted in and out of trees, flinging clumps of muddy snow at each other. Their laughter was like church bells. It was warmer than it had been over the past few weeks, but the ice on the lake still looked thick and permanent. The newly cleared sky brought into sharp relief the chain of mountains at the horizon.

Adam sipped his coffee, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Why?” He looked at the frozen lake and the fence of black pines at the opposite end. His eyes were the color of steel and looked very sober. A contrail of vapor wafted out from between his chapped lips.

“It’s hard to explain,” I said. “I just feel like it’s something I’m supposed to do. For me and maybe for the kid’s mother, too.”

He hit me with a sharp look.

I quickly added, “It’s about finding that middle ground, remember? The happy medium that we talked about at Tooey’s bar?”

“Why are you even telling me this?”

“Because I’m assuming you know where Veronica Dentman lives now. Or, being a cop, you could at least find out for me.”

His laughter burst like a firecracker.

“What? So now I’m an asshole for wanting to do something I feel is right?”

“We’ve been over this. Veronica Dentman left that stuff behind for a reason. Whether you approve of her decision or not, that quite frankly doesn’t matter. I thought you said you called a junk service to come get that stuff, anyway.”

“They won’t be around for another week yet,” I said, but that was a lie. This morning I’d called Allegheny Pickup and Removal and cancelled my order. I hadn’t told Jodie, and I certainly wasn’t going to tell Adam . . . but after last night and upon reflection of everything else that had been going on since we’d moved to Westlake, I felt having random strangers come to collect and quite possibly destroy all of Elijah’s belongings wasn’t supposed to happen.

“I think this is a bad idea.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m not. I think you’re crossing a line, messing with other people’s lives. That woman lost her son last summer. She knew damn well what she was doing when she left those boxes behind.”

“Well, see, that’s just it,” I countered. “I don’t think she did. I mean, maybe at the time it was the best way for her to cope, but I think now, after some time has passed, she’d be happy to get her son’s stuff back.”

“Who are you, Dr. Phil?”

“I’m being serious. What if she regrets leaving that stuff behind? What if it was all totally reactionary, and now she hates herself for it?”

“Even if that’s the case, why do you care?”

Because something in the house wanted me to find that room, I almost said. Something in the house wanted me to find that stuff for a reason.

We reached a clearing in the woods beside the cusp of the lake. I could see the Steins’ house opposite us beyond the rocky crags and up through the naked gray trees. We sat down on a tree stump that was large enough to accommodate the two of us while Jacob and Madison bounded farther through the field, snow crumbling off their boots and arcing off their heels as they struggled to run.

Adam offered me a cigarette, which I accepted. He popped one into his mouth, then balled up the empty packet and tossed it into a tin trash can that was conveniently nailed to the bole of a nearby tree.

I hadn’t answered Adam’s question, and it hung in the air between us like some mutual embarrassment.

“Listen,” Adam said eventually. “What do you do if you show up to that poor woman’s house, your car loaded with her dead son’s toys, and she breaks down on you? What if she just collapses at your feet, sobbing her eyes out? You think that will make you feel better? You think it’ll be for her benefit?”

“You don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly. This isn’t about the fucking Dentman kid at all.”

“Then what is it?”

Adam turned away. “Forget it.”

“No,” I said. “I want you to tell me.”

“Goddamn it, man. Don’t you see? You’ve come to another classic impasse in your life, and in typical Travis Glasgow fashion you’re willing to do or say whatever you want as long as it makes you feel better for the time being, regardless of anyone else’s feelings.”

He would have hurt me less if he’d cracked me across the jaw. I think he realized this, too, because his gaze lingered on me a millisecond too long, and before he looked away, I saw his expression begin to soften.

I tossed the cigarette on the ground and stood.

“Fuck,” Adam groaned. “I’m sorry. That came out harsher than I’d intended.”

“It came out, all right.” For some reason my hands started shaking. I stuffed them into my pockets to hide them.

“Hate me if you want, but I can’t keep my mouth shut if I see you heading for harm.”

“Fuck all, man. You think you’re this great fucking fortification against all the horrors of this world, that you’re burdened with being some goddamn martyr because you’re my older brother. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not thirteen anymore. I can take care of myself.”

“Cut it out, will you?” Adam sounded so goddamn calm I wanted to belt him across the cheek. “The world’s not against you. Neither am I. This whole woe-is-me thing ran its course years ago.”

Something vital snapped inside me. I whirled around. “You’re a piece of shit—you know that? You shut me out when we were younger because of what happened with Kyle, and every time you disagree with me you throw those same stones right back at me. You’re a prick, Adam.”

He jumped off the tree stump with a fierceness that I would have thought beyond him. I hated myself for flinching and taking an involuntary step back.

“I never shut you out, and I never blamed you for Kyle’s death,” he said. “I blamed you for the asshole you became after his death.”

“You had no idea what I went through—”

“I was a fucking kid, too. You had no idea what I went through.” Those steely eyes were locked on mine, and I hated that I couldn’t look away. I hated that he was the stronger one in that instant and probably for the bulk of our lives. “I lost a brother, too, you dumb fuck.”

The shaking in my hands had negotiated up my arms. I opened my mouth to say something—anything—but I was only able to offer a weak and uncontrolled grunt. An instant later, Adam doubled, then trebled in my vision.

“Christ,” Adam said and slung an arm around my neck. He kissed the side of my head.

“Get off me,” I muttered, but I didn’t mean it.

“You’re my brother. You’re all I’ve got.”

“You’ve got Beth,” I countered. Then I nodded toward his kids who were slugging it out in a snowbank, their voices rising to ear-piercing cries. “And you’ve got those two sweethearts.”

Adam chuckled as Madison fell backward on her ass in the drift. “Hell,” he said, arm still around my neck. “I guess there’s a chance you might even be right.”

He stopped by the house later that evening with an address scrawled on a sheet of lined notebook paper.