Ted Dekker - Sanctuary

“Still, I’d rather sleep in my own bed at night,” I said.

He grinned. “And so would I. So would I.”

“Danny?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you a question about that day?”

He hesitated, but his voice was strong when he answered. “Of course.”

I’d rehearsed the phrasing of the thoughts that plagued me for weeks.

“You were once a priest who used violence to protect the innocent.”

“That is true.”

“And you then took a vow of nonviolence, because violence isn’t consistent with your understanding of love.”

“That is also true.”

“You endured terrible pain in the prison, standing by that principle.”

“Yes.”

I nodded. “So are you still committed to nonviolence?”

He spoke without a moment’s pause. “Of course.”

I looked up at him as we walked, and he turned his face to smile at me.

“But you snapped in the prison. You saved me. What was your reason?”

Danny looked ahead, smile fading.

“I had no reason,” he said. “I surrendered all of it in a moment of clarity. I didn’t snap; I became fully aware for the first time.”

Danny is a man who lives by reason. His logic is impeccable. Knowledge and certainty guide every aspect of his life. And yet he had surrendered his reason? I had to know more.

“Then why did you kill Keith, and those other men? What did you see?”

“That I had to save you. That’s all. I could argue that Keith had already given up his right to life and stepped into death when he took you…that I was only finishing what he’d committed himself to, but that’s not what went through my mind. Or through my emotions, for that matter. I simply did what I knew I must for your sake.”

Keith gave up his right to life. I’d heard the argument before.

“Then your love for me was stronger than your logic,” I said. “Because your own logic rejects violence in any case.”

“True. Love has its own logic that sometimes defies the mind. I didn’t act out of my mind or my emotions, but from a deeper place of light and perfect peace. Perhaps for the first time in my life I truly found God. I have no other way to understand what happened to me in that moment.”

“But you still don’t believe in violence.”

“I would never hurt another human being. It’s inconsistent with my understanding of love.”

“And if someone came to kill me?”

“I would stop him,” Danny said. “By any means necessary.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

I can’t say I was disappointed. In fact, I found his conviction exhilarating, all reason aside. My heart was pounding as we walked through the soft sand.

“So you would never hurt another man, for any reason.”

“That’s right.”

“But if a man came to kill me…”

“I would stop him.” He gave me a gentle look, wearing a whimsical smile. “And, my love, if you loved yourself as much as I love you, you might find yourself free of the prisons that hold you. In the meantime, I will love us both.”

“Spoken like a good priest.”

“Spoken by one whose mind has been broken. Thank God.”

We were both silent for a few seconds. What would Danny do? He would lay down even his sound reasoning for me. And I for him. It was everything I could do not to throw myself into his arms and cling to him.

“It’s a paradox,” I said.

“It’s a mystery I doubt I’ll ever be able to explain. But we can smile at that mystery rather than try to understand what is by definition unknowable.”

“It defies the mind.”

“It’s not a matter of the mind or the emotions. The truth is, the only key that will unlock the prisons we all live in is love. Unconditional love, like God’s. And even that is a mystery.”

I loved him for his mysteries. They’d saved my life and brought me back into his arms.

“Danny?”

“Yes?”

“Will you always take care of me?”

“I live to take care of you.”

“Will you allow me to love you forever?”

“It will be my greatest honor.”

Everything in me was like warm water. I was drowning in a sea of beautiful, unreasonable love. My mind was telling me I should be saying something appropriate. That I should kiss him and tell him how proud I was of him. I should make sure he knew that I would die for him as quickly as he would for me.

Instead I spoke the only words that made it to my mouth.

“I adore you, Danny,” I said.

“I adore you,” he said.

And that was all we said for a while.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Although The Sanctuary is a work of fiction, many of the details concerning the state of the US prison system and the laws that lead so many citizens into its care are well established. I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to dozens of documentaries and books which held my rapt attention for many months. Among all of the professionals I spoke to in preparing this story, I want to single out one who worked with me through the entire process, from beginning to end. Eric Messick’s 29 years of experience at all levels within the California prison system, primarily as a corrections officer at the San Quentin State Prison, has given him a wealth of firsthand, inside knowledge which he generously shared for the benefit of this book. Thank you, Eric.

Millions of Americans now find themselves behind bars made of iron, but in truth we all find ourselves imprisoned by difficult circumstances or challenges, sometimes beyond our control, and all too often of our own making. I want to thank the power of story for the mirror it places in front of each of us. For you who have eyes to see, please…go ahead and see.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TED DEKKER is a New York Times bestselling author of more than twenty novels. He is known for stories that combine adrenaline-laced plots with incredible confrontations between unforgettable characters. He lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife and children.

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Contents

Title Page

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

35

36

37

38

39

40

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Newsletter

Copyright

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Copyright © 2012 by Ted Dekker

All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

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First e-book edition: October 2012

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