Radclyffe - Love's Melody Lost

"Now you did surprise me at first," she continued mockingly. "I wouldnt have thought youd find Graham to your tastes, although God knows women of all persuasions used to throw themselves at her. And living here with her - I can imagine that would be a temptation even if women werent your usual pleasure."

"I was just on my way in," Anna said as she made to leave. She had no intention of allowing Christine to goad her into a discussion of her feelings for Graham. And she was in real danger of doing her bodily harm if she stayed.

"Youre no match for the competition, you know," Christine said lightly.

Anna stopped abruptly, incensed. "I am not competing with you," she seethed.

Christine laughed, tossing her head in dismissal. "Perhaps not, although from the way you look at her I think youre deluding yourself. Unfortunately, Graham has no way of knowing whats in your eyes, does she?" She pushed away from the balcony railing, stepping quite close to Anna as she did so. Anna could smell her fragrant perfume. "I wasnt speaking of myself, although knowing Graham, I have no concerns. Id wager shes much too honorable to take you to her bed just for sport. Although Im sure you wouldnt take much convincing, would you?" She ran a finger lightly down Annas arm, laughing again when Anna hastily pulled away. "She is too hopelessly romantic to let old passions fade, and unlike you, Im not above physical persuasion. Regardless of what she says, her body never lies."

She touched Annas hand ever so lightly as she passed into the night. "I was speaking of the music, my dear innocent - the music is Grahams true mistress."

With that she was gone, leaving Anna to stare after her with a mixture of anger and pity. She had issued some kind of warning, although Anna couldnt imagine why she felt it necessary. God only knew, Anna was no threat to her claim on Grahams affections. What amazed her was that a woman who had supposedly loved Graham Yardley for over two decades did not understand what Anna realized the moment she heard Graham play. Music was not Grahams mistress, music was Grahams life. To love Graham was to welcome the force that sustained her, even though it threatened to destroy her as she struggled to bring it forth from her soul. Anna could no more be jealous of Grahams music than she could be jealous of her indomitable will, or her passionate ardor, or her sensitive spirit. The day the music truly deserted her would be the day her heart ceased to beat. Anna prayed for the day the music would flow unbidden from Grahams soul, for then she would be truly healed.

Anna glanced once more into the darkened room, imagining Graham absorbed in the sound, comforted by her nearness.

**********

Grahams music lingered in Anna's mind throughout the morning as she occupied herself with outside work. She spent most of the time with contractors and subcontractors and by noon she was ready for a break. She wandered down to the stone bench under the huge sycamore, recalling wistfully the afternoon she and Graham had spent there. She turned from the memory of the brief closeness they had shared. It only made their estrangement harder. She stretched out on the bench in the dappled shade afforded by the overhanging branches, draped one arm over her eyes, and slept.

When she slowly approached consciousness again, she was aware she was not alone. Even without opening her eyes, she sensed her.

"How long have you been here," Anna questioned, rolling onto her side to study the woman seated on the ground, her back against the bench where Anna lay. She looked weary in a way that went beyond fatigue, but the strain belied by a tightness in her fine jaw was absent. She seemed strangely peaceful. Graham turned her head toward Annas voice with a soft smile, a smile that eased the tension from her face. Annas heart turned over at the sight of her vulnerable beauty.

"Not long - an hour, I think," Graham replied.

"What have you been doing?" Anna asked tenderly, brushing a stray twig from Graham's dark hair.

Graham shuddered involuntarily at the light touch that strayed unintentionally against her cheek. As often as Christine touched her, nothing she did affected her like this. Graham felt the first tingle of caution even as she warmed to the touch. She must take care where Anna was concerned, yet she couldnt seem to do without her company. These last few weeks since Christines arrival had been doubly hard. She had to contend with Christines constant demands for her attention, and her persistent attempts to rekindle Grahams ardor. Along with that, Graham had little time to spend with Anna. She missed her humor, and her compassion, and her wonderful way of bringing life to Grahams inner vision. Just her quiet, soothing tone brought Graham some semblance of calm. Graham found she even missed Annas undauntable insistence that she sleep, or eat, or get out of the sun - the kind of demand Graham had never accepted of anyone. She had been lonely for a kind of connection she no longer thought she needed. She tried to ignore the growing agitation and discomfort for days, but finally, almost against her will, she had gone in search of her young employee. Finding her asleep, she had been content just to be near her.

"I was listening to you breathe, thinking that the cadence was much like a refrain. Suddenly the music Ive been trying to compose began pouring through my mind." Graham said slowly, as if speaking in a dream. She was amazed at how easily it had come, after all the solitary struggle night after night to no avail, just by sitting quietly with a sleeping woman. "Ive just been here listening," she finished quietly.

Anna watched the transformation of Graham's face as she spoke. The tense muscles softened, the fine lines about her eyes and lips relaxed, and suddenly she looked years younger. When Graham sighed and leaned her head back, it took all of Annas control not to guide Grahams head into her lap. She wanted to hold her desperately. Only her fear that Graham would retreat, as she had so often, stilled her hand.

"Im so happy for you," Anna said quietly.

Graham reached for Annas hand, taking her by surprise. "I believe that you are." She brushed her lips softly across Annas hand, then laid it gently down. With a sigh, she pushed herself upright. There were issues she needed to attend to, no matter how pleasant her moments here had been.

"I have consented to Christines desire to give a small dinner party in honor of Helens birthday. I would like you to attend," Graham stated flatly.

"Oh Graham, I dont think so! I dont really belong there -" Anna said in a rush. She couldnt imagine a worse scenario. Trapped with Christine at some formal affair!

Graham shook her head slightly. "You do belong. Helen cares for you a great deal, and you are a part of this household. I want you there."

Still Anna protested. "I work for you, Graham - Im not part of your social world."

"I have no social world, Anna, " Graham remarked darkly, all semblance of her recent serenity gone. "There will be some family friends, people Helen has known for years, and some recent acquaintances of Christine. If it werent for the fact that Helen has had precious little thanks for the task of looking after Yardley all this time, I wouldnt hear of it." She ran a hand through her hair, glowering at some distant vision, before she continued wearily, "It will be difficult enough for me - I need you there."

Anna could not fathom the reason, but there was little she could do in the face of Grahams direct plea. "Of course, Ill be there."

Graham nodded. "Good." Looking as if she were about to leave, she turned abruptly and cast Anna a serious look. "And Ill expect you at dinner from now on, Anna. Every night." Not waiting for a reply, she stepped out from the shadow of the tree, disappearing into the bright sunlight, leaving Anna staring after her.