T. Novan - Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber

A few minutes later Rebecca entered with a tray, which she placed on the small table by the davenport. She smiled at Charlie, standing by the fireplace, watching the fire like a proper southern gentleman. If it were not for his uniform...Rebecca found herself longing for Charlie's suit.

"You are in luck, Colonel. I managed to find a little honey. Would you like some in your tea?"

"I will share it with you, Miss Rebecca. I must confess, I have a bit of a sweet tooth." He thought for a moment, a shy smile softening his face. "You know, you keep giving me these little gifts. I think you will spoil me, ma'am."

She fixed his tea, taking him the cup, gently caressing the back of his hand. "In just a short time, Colonel, I have discovered that I rather enjoy spoiling you." She returned and fixed her own tea before taking a seat on the davenport

Just that touch, coupled with the words, set Charlie's hand to trembling a bit. Rather than rattle the teacup - or even drop it - he set it on the mantle to cool a bit. The shy boy was back in his eyes for a moment. Then the Colonel returned. "Well, Ma'am, if I were a selfish man, I would say that you could just keep spoiling me." He paused, and then looked at her, his eyes lit with something she had never seen before. "I think I would like to be a selfish man just a bit."

"Then please do. I will say that I too am being a bit selfish. I think I may distract you a bit too much from your duties, by asking for so much of your time, but for some reason I just cannot dredge up an ounce of guilt."

"Ma'am, you know that you can call upon me any time and if it is at all possible for me to come to you, I will." There was an odd moment of intensity between them, and then Charlie picked up his teacup and took a sip, savoring the flavor and the hint of sweetness.

Rebecca looked to her teacup, trying to decide if her next question was beyond the bounds of their newly formed friendship, but she decided to press on. She really wanted to know Charlie and this was the only way. She looked to him with a shy smile. "Charlie, may I ask you a personal question?"

"My dear lady, you may ask me anything and I will endeavor to answer you with all honesty."

"How do you do it? I mean your disguise. Surely there must be times when it is difficult." She felt a heat rising to her cheeks as she tried to find the proper words. "I mean...how do you...umm..." She shook her head more embarrassed than she had anticipated. "Well, I mean what about things such as relieving yourself." She finished in a rush, nearly so embarrassed she thought she might burst out laughing and it was not a laughing matter.

A blush started at the tips of Charlie's ears and worked its way across his features and down to his collar. It was fortunate that he had swallowed his sip of tea before she asked; otherwise, he might have sprayed it all over from pure shock.

He took a deep breath and remember the promise he had made just seconds ago. "Well, in camp, Jocko and I have arranged that one of the privileges of command is privacy for such things. And in the field, well, there is always bushes and I hurry." A weak grin, more nerves than humor, lit his face.

Rebecca burst out laughing, she simply could not help herself but she quickly got it under control. But the grin was still firmly on her lips and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "I am sorry Colonel. I just cannot fathom you being that quick in those tight breeches." She cleared her throat gently. "Like the ones you had on today."

"Ah, well, um. They are not as bad as you might think. And a little talcum goes a long way in getting them off and on quickly." He grinned back.

All right, she could see that she was just going to have to be blunt, because the suspense was killing her. "That does not explain certain 'attributes' that are so readily on display when you are wearing them." She tried hard not to smile, but she could not help it and she knew her face was bright red.

Charlie's blush renewed itself until his face was as brilliant as the flames flickering around the logs in the fireplace. "Well, you see, I, um, I am fairly handy with a needle, you see, and I, um, well, I make my own under things. A little artful padding and a snug fit...." He could not continue, and stared up at the ceiling looking perhaps for some divine intervention in this conversation. Still he plowed manfully on.

"Its not really that hard." With that, he could not help it. He scrunched his face up and closed his eyes, realizing exactly how many ways what he had just said could be interpreted.

Perhaps the floor could open up and swallow him.

Rebecca did choke on her tea when he made that last comment. Half-coughing and half laughing she added playfully. "I see. Well, I must say Colonel, you do yourself proud."

Charlie dropped, boneless and awkward into the chair opposite her and started laughing. The utter ridiculousness of the lengths to which he would go to hide his gender, to fit in, to alleviate suspicion had all been revealed in a couple of small questions. He could either laugh until the tears ran down his cheeks or cry.

Gaining some small modicum of control, Rebecca pressed on. "I am sorry Colonel. I did not mean to embarrass you. Perhaps I have asked too much. I am sorry."

"No Miss Rebecca - you ask obvious questions, and ones that I have never had a friend who was close enough and trusted enough to me to even be able to ask them. Carry on, brave lady - all my secrets are yours to bare."

At the moment, Charlie looked like a young boy, caught in some indiscretion and being brought to task for it.

"Oh you are a brave man, Colonel." She teased a bit. "There are so many things I want to know. I am amazed at what you have done. I find it simply fascinating and I do not mean that in a bad way. But what you have accomplished is truly astonishing. Would you mind explaining to me, how you……umm……find companionship."

The look of pain and loneliness that skittered across Charlie's face at that question was enough to take Rebecca's breath away. In a low, tight voice, he responded, "Mostly, I do not. There have been a few... very discrete professional women who have given me surcease when it got too difficult to handle."

In a lower voice, "When the loneliness got too vast. I guess I am just like any other man in that. And I cannot believe I am talking about women of ill repute with a lady of your standing. Please, please forgive me."

Rebecca rose from the davenport, walking over to him and kneeling down in front of him. She took his hands in her, running her thumbs over the backs of them gently. "There is nothing to forgive, Charlie."

She offered softly. "I asked and you answered. You were very honest and forthright. Please do not be upset dear, Charlie. Do not be concerned about any answer you have given me." She reached up and palmed his cheek. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met, Colonel. I wish I had a tenth of your strength."

He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek more firmly into her hand, savoring the touch, storing it in his memory. Every inch of his body begged to be the skin that her warm hand caressed. Without opening his eyes, he turned and reverently laid his lips in her palm. In that moment, Charlie Redmond lost his heart. He whispered into her palm, "I have no strength, only fear. I am a creature who has lied and cheated to survive. You are the strong one, dear lady."

"There you go again, refusing to take credit. I am going to have to work on that, Colonel Redmond." She did not stop to think about her next action, it came from the heart and it just happened. She leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Charlie's cheek. "I wish it were in my power to make you truly happy, Colonel. I would live the rest of my life trying."

That one kiss burned into Charlie's soul. He could not breath, he could not move. Part of his heart cried out to take her into his arms, the other sat in stunned fear that he would awaken, that this was another dream like the one he had the previous night and if he moved it would disappear.