Eric Thomas - The Secret to Success

As I look back on my life I can say that the single most life altering move (not desire) I ever made was reconnecting with Bob. My relationship with him confirmed what my parent’s had been trying to get me to understand for years. The people you associate yourself with have the greatest influence on your life. Your relationships will either make you or break you and there is no such thing as a neutral relationship. People either inspire you to greatness or pull you down in the gutter, it’s that simple. No one fails alone, and no one succeeds alone.

When I reconnected with Bob I felt as fortunate as K.G. (Kevin Garnett) when he left Minnesota for Boston. I, too, moved beyond the thought of repositioning myself to actually taking the necessary steps to reposition myself and join a group of men that could help me compete for a championship. Time will not allow me to write about all the ways Bob helped me to climb from the bottom to the top, but I will share six lessons I believe are needed for those of you who are tired of hanging with scrubs and want to be in the winner’s circle.

Lesson 1: Look for people who believe in something and are passionate about their beliefs.

Contrary to popular opinion, money, position, and power are not the true measure of success— characteris the foundation for all real success. Before I met Bob I can honestly say that I never really thought about character, but even at a young age, Bob made character look appealing. He was the only popular Christian I knew and he was one of the best rappers in our neighborhood. He was known for making dudes cry in a capping session and the ladies loved him! Most of the Christians I met in school were lame. Every word that came out of their mouths was Jesus, Jesus and Jesus, but Bob had swag. However, swag was not what drew me to Bob, what drew me to him was the fact that Bob never compromised his beliefs. It didn’t matter who we were with, or where we were, Bob stood for something and did not change his beliefs for anyone. I admired that about him because I knew first -hand how easy it was at that age for a young man to let peer pressure break him. I met so many fake people in high school. On Sunday they were in the front row at church, they sang in the choir, and probably taught Sunday school. They were raised in a good Christian home, but as soon as they walked out of the front door, they tried to act like somebody they were not just to be a part of the in crowd. Bob was just the opposite. I can’t explain the feeling but watching someone keeping it “one-hundred percent” was empowering.

Bob made standing up for what you believed in cool and by making it cool he unknowingly empowered me. I no longer felt obligated to down play my personal beliefs in order to make other people happy. Through Bob, I learned to live out loud. I was still a virgin in high school and proud of it. Back then, if someone questioned me about it, I would lie and act like I was some type of player. Deep down inside, the thought of losing my virginity to a stranger just wasn’t appealing. I wasn’t a Christian, so it wasn’t like I was trying to wait until marriage, I just didn’t want to lose my virginity to someone I wasn’t in love with. At the time, I was much more concerned about what others thought about me than I was about standing up for my personal beliefs. Bob was instrumental in helping me overcome that. He helped me understand the importance of character.

Character isn’t something that happens to you. With each decision that I made, I was consciously or subconsciously forming my character. Character is like my fingerprint; it identifies me from everyone else in the world. It says who I am and where I am headed. Bob helped me realize that I had a choice and that I needed to exercise my choice.

I was famous for saying that my teachers didn’t like me, but not once did I ask the question why? Why did my teachers not like me? I was always the victim, I was the one being picked on or judged by my teachers, but I never stopped to consider how the quality of my character affected how my teachers viewed and treated me. It wasn’t that my teachers didn’t like me or that they were picking on me, it was the messages I was conveying through my character. My mouth said I wanted to be in class and I wanted to learn, but my character was speaking so loudly, the teachers couldn’t hear a word I was saying. I was reaping what I sowed. It’s a simple equation—you sow apple seeds you get apple trees. Things change for the better when we take responsibility for our own thoughts, decisions, and actions.

Lesson 2: Be a giver, not a taker.

It’s one thing to have a friend, it’s another thing to have a friend you can trust. You could put your wallet in Bob’s back pocket and he would get it back to you first thing the next morning. Beyond that, Bob would give it back to you with some money in it—he was just that kind of guy. In fact, when I first reconnected with Bob I didn’t have a dime to my name, but Bob made sure I didn’t want for anything. If Bob bought Better Made barbeque chips and a Faygo peach pop, I had Better Made chips and a Faygo grape pop (peach was too strong). Bob’s father was murdered when he was just 8 years old. I don’t know the whole story, I just heard he was an addict and he got shot over something drug related. Because of his father’s death, every month Bob received a Social Security check and I swear whenever he got his check it was like I received a check. If Bob had it, it didn’t make a difference what it was, I had it. When Bob bought his first car, I had a car. Whenever I needed a ride to work he either dropped me off, picked me up or he let me borrow the car. His clothes were my clothes, no strings attached. He didn’t do for others, or me for that matter, with alternative motives and I believe Bob was so blessed because he was such a giver.

I remember Bob got drunk one night at a party and got into it with the wrong dudes. One of the dudes pulled out a 38, aimed it at Bob and emptied the chamber. I don’t know exactly what happened that night; all I know is that Bob lived to tell the story and the only thing that got shot was the windshield of the car. Another time Bob was away for the weekend on a “run,” and while he was in the house he said he noticed a cab car that looked out of place. When he told some of our homies, they dismissed it and said it was just a cab and that he was tripping, but Bob said his spirit told him something was wrong. Bob told the guys he was going to go to the corner store to get a bag of chips and a Faygo pop. When he got back to the spot, 15 minutes later, he saw police all over the place. He said he walked past the house and sure enough it was a full-blown raid! Bob walked right through the lights and the sirens as if he was a passerby and was never detected.

Lesson 3: Always remain loyal.

One of the things that my father stressed to me was the importance of being true to my word. He talked about a time when men didn’t need contracts for every transaction, and that if a man gave his word, by looking a person in the face and shaking his hand, the agreement was as good as gold. That was Bob. Bob was true to his word and truer to our friendship.

When we first reconnected, Bob snuck me in his grandparent’s house; however, Bob’s older brother Bill wasn’t too happy about it. When Bob’s father died, his grandfather took custody of Bob and his brothers, and he built a nice size room for the boys in the basement. The room had two sets of bunk beds in it. I slept under Bob’s bed on the floor—this sounds uncomfortable, but it beat sleeping outside. Bill was pissed because he looked at it this way: there were already four boys sharing one basement. After about a week he squealed and told his step grandmother whom he didn’t get along with but he knew if he told gramp, gramp wouldn’t put me out on the street. Bob was pissed when he found out what happened; even though Bill was his big brother, Bob’s loyalty never changed. He spoke with his grandfather and let him know that he was going to let me stay in Bill’s K-Car, which had recently been in an accident.