Eric Thomas - The Secret to Success

When I stormed out of the house that day my father looked me in my face and said, “Eric, you better think about what you’re about to do because if you walk out of this house right now, if you walk out of that door, you’re saying to me that you’re a grown man. So let me make myself clear, if you leave, you will never come back to this house. Do I make myself clear?” I was so fed up with him and the way he treated me that I wasn’t even phased by his statement. I would be the first to admit that when things didn’t go my way I reacted off of anger and emotion. Because of that I landed myself in an awful situation.

Let’s do an exercise. If I told you I would give you 10 million dollars to jump out of a Boeing 757 aircraft with no parachute, what would you say? If you answered no, I am not mad at you. I would have given the same answer at one point in time. “Even though I could really use 10 million dollars right now, it does me no good if I’m dead.” But for those of you who answered no, you would be very disappointed when you found out that the aircraft was not 30, 000 feet above sea level. That’s right, the monstrous machine never left the ground and the jump down would be about 6 feet. Consider all factors before making a decision, ask as many questions as you can about the situation. I have learned over the years that the higher the level of emotion, the lower the level of reasoning. For example, if your emotions are at the highest level of 10, your ability to reason is at a 0. If it’s a 9 then your reasoning is a 1. I am not suggesting that emotions don’t have their place, but taking actions based purely on emotions is dangerous and could cost you everything.

Principle 2: Avoid being your own enemy .

What’s holding you back? You - not anyone else.

At age 13 Tim was like an older brother to me. He was responsible for helping me earn my “Street Credit.” The process was similar to what is known in the African culture as, rites of passage, or in the Jewish community as Bar Mitzvah. Once a male reached puberty on our block, he officially crossed over into a new world. The first couple years it was all about the bravado and the ladies. Tim stressed this one point, “Don’t ever be the person to start a fight, but you better damn sure finish it.” From that day on until I was about 14, Tim, his brother Wayne, and the rest of guys on the block beat the brakes off me until they felt I was capable of handling my own in a brawl. Of all the lessons Tim imparted on me, he was most proud that he personally schooled me on how to be a lady’s man. He gave me a full anatomy lecture, which included the extended version of the birds and the bees. In addition to the lecture, we watched a few “birds and the bees for dummies” demonstration videos. I think the first few demo videos were, Deep Throat and Debbie does Dallas .

I’m not sure why I didn’t think to call Tim when the whole thing first went down. I guess I was trying to work things out on my own. It didn’t take long before I realized I was in trouble and needed some help. I called Tim to see if I could stay with him until I got on my feet. “Tim, what up, it’s E.T. I know I haven’t hollered at you in a minute, but I am in a bind and I need you.” He didn’t hesitate, “What you need bro?’ “I need a place to lay my head for a while until I get on my feet.” “What happened? You and your father got into it again?” he said in a disappointed tone. “Yeah, but this time I am not going back, I can’t deal with that mess anymore!” “Where are you now, I am on my way.” Tim lived in his own two-bedroom apartment off Woodward Avenue in the Palmer Park area. Talk about a dream becoming a reality, it was the perfect scenario. Total freedom. I could come and go as I pleased and I wouldn’t have to worry about doing any chores. However, I think Tim envisioned things a bit differently. I remember our first conversation a few days after I moved in. Tim said, “Lil bro, you are a grown ass man now, so I am going to treat you like one. I am going to say this one time and one time only, if you handle your business everything between us will be fine, but if not....” He gave me the look. “Number one, you will finish school and you better not miss one day of school unless you are deathly ill. This is a no skipping zone. Two, I work and I don’t have time to run back and forth to your school because of your behavior. If you get in trouble, you are on your own. Three, I’ll pay the rent, I’ll pay the phone bill, I’ll pay the electricity, but E, I cannot feed you bro. You are going to have to get a part time job so you can take care of your own personal needs. Oh and I am going to need you to find somewhere else to crash from time to time. I can’t have you in the crib when I bring my chicks through. I know it’s a two bedroom, but it’s also a bachelor pad. When you see a red shoestring hanging on the door outside, come back in the morning so you can shower before school.”

Not two months after the conversation, Tim kicked me out. Tim was a police officer, so he was hardly home. With no adult supervision, I reverted back to the old E.T. I had no interest in school so it was a challenge to get up every morning at 5:30 a.m. and getting dressed in time to catch the 6:30 a.m. bus. Some days I pretended I went to school. I got up, got dressed, and hung out in the hood until it was time to come home. I had far less discipline than I did when I lived in my parents’ house and my interest in school was hitting an all time low.

Principle 3: You can change environments, but until you change yourself nothing else will ever change .

I had the fresh start I dreamed of when I moved in with Tim. Somehow I thought that shifting addresses would magically change my situation. I ended up taking Tim for granted in much the same way I took my parents for granted. I never washed the dishes or cleaned up after myself. When Tim brought women home the house always smelled like trash and dirty dishes. I was being classic Eric Thomas. Same process—same exact outcome. I got kicked out my parent’s house; I got kicked out of Tim’s house.

Summary: Principles 1-3

• Principle 1: Don’t make a habit out of choosing what feels good over what’s actually good for you.

• Principle 2: Avoid being your own enemy.

• Principle 3: You can change environments, but until you change yourself nothing else will ever change.

CHAPTER

5

Where Do I Start?

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” - Carl Bard

As we go into the next few chapters, we’re going to talk about change for obvious reasons. If there is one lesson we can take away so far it’s that change doesn’t happen by osmosis. However, I want to demystify the concept of change. Too often I hear individuals speak about change as if it’s not something that can be attained and that it’s extremely complex. The truth is that change is simple, but it’s not easy. So let me be the first to encourage you. If I can do it, anybody can do it. But remember, the first thing we have to do is stop comparing change to some complex coordinates in the theory of atomic and molecular structure and dynamics. It’s not that deep. As a matter of fact, change is so simple that even a child can do it.

Principle 4: Learn to be curious .

Symbolically, when I look at change and think about the initial process, I think about the genie in the bottle story. The story begins with a scared, angry young man walking up and down the beach. While walking, he notices a beautiful golden bottle. His curiosity drives him to move closer. He bends down and picks up the bottle. Once in his grasp he begins to rub it. To his surprise, “BOOM!” the genie appears. “Thank you for setting me free. For thousands of years I have been trapped inside this bottle waiting to be released to share with someone the secrets to success. And to show you my appreciation, you may ask me for anything, and your wish is my command.”