Kevin Kwan - Crazy Rich Asians

“No, no, I’ve overstayed my welcome.” Rachel smiled sheepishly, wondering how she could have let herself hole up in their guest room for so many days.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?” Peik Lin asked.

“Yeah. I’m going to head back to the States. But first,” she paused, taking a deep breath, “I think I need to go to China. I’ve decided that, for better or for worse, I want to meet my father.”

The whole table went silent for a moment. “What’s the rush?” Peik Lin asked gently.

“I’m already on this side of the globe—why not meet him now?” Rachel said, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal.

“Are you going to go with Nick?” Wye Mun asked.

Rachel’s face darkened. “No, he’s the last person I want to go to China with.”

“You are going to tell him, though?” Peik Lin inquired delicately.

“I might … I haven’t really decided yet. I just don’t want a reenactment of Apocalypse Now . I’ll be in the middle of meeting my father for the first time and next thing you know, one of Nick’s relatives will land in the prison yard in a chopper. I’ll be glad if I never have to see another private jet, yacht, or fancy car for the rest of my life,” Rachel vehemently declared.

“Okay, Papa, cancel the NetJets membership,” Peik Wing wisecracked.

Everyone at the table laughed.

“Nick’s been calling every day, you know,” Peik Lin said. “I’m sure he has.”

“It’s been pretty pathetic,” P.T. reported. “It was four times a day when you first got here, but he tapered off to once a day. He drove up here twice, hoping we might let him come in, but the guards told him he had to move along.”

Rachel’s heart sank. She could imagine how Nick was feeling, but at the same time, she didn’t know how to face him. He had suddenly become a reminder of everything that had gone wrong in her life.

“You should see him,” Wye Mun said gently.

“I disagree, Papa,” Peik Wing’s wife, Sheryl, piped in. “If I were Rachel, I would never want to see Nick or anyone in that evil family again. Who do those people think they are? Trying to ruin people’s lives!”

“ Alamak , why make the poor boy suffer? It’s not his fault that his mother is a chao chee bye !” Neena exclaimed. The whole table exploded in laughter, except for Sheryl, who made a face as she covered her daughters’ ears.

“Hiyah, Sheryl, they’re too young to know what it means!” Neena assured her daughter-in-law.

“What does that mean?” Rachel asked.

“Rotten cunt,” P.T. whispered with relish.

“No, no, smelly rotten cunt,” Wye Mun corrected. Everyone roared again, Rachel included.

Recovering herself, Rachel sighed. “I guess I ought to see him.”

Two hours later Rachel and Nick were seated at an umbrella-shaded table by the swimming pool of Villa d’Oro, the sound of trickling gilded fountains punctuating the silence. Rachel gazed at the water ripples reflecting off the gold-and-blue mosaic tiles. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Nick. Strangely, what had been the most beautiful face in the world to her had become too painful to look at. She found herself suddenly mute, not quite knowing how to begin.

Nick swallowed nervously. “I don’t even know how to begin to ask for your forgiveness.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t responsible for this.”

“But I am. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I put you in one horrendous situation after another. I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’ve been recklessly ignorant about my own family—I had no idea how crazy my mum would get. And I always thought my grandmother wanted me to be happy.”

Rachel stared at the sweaty glass of iced tea in front of her, not saying anything.

“I’m so relieved to see that you’re okay. I’ve been so worried,” Nick said.

“I’ve been well taken care of by the Gohs,” Rachel said simply.

“Yes, I met Peik Lin’s parents earlier. They’re lovely. Neena Goh demanded that I come to dinner. Not tonight, of course, but …”

Rachel gave the barest hint of a smile. “The woman is a feeder, and you look like you’ve lost some weight.” Actually, he looked terrible. She had never seen him like this—he looked like he had slept in his clothes, and his hair had lost its floppy sheen.

“I haven’t been eating much.”

“Your old cook at Tyersall Park hasn’t been preparing all your favorite dishes?” Rachel said a little sarcastically. She knew her pent-up anger was misdirected at Nick, but in the moment she couldn’t help herself. She realized he was as much a victim of circumstances as she was, but she wasn’t able to look past her own pain just yet.

“Actually, I’m not staying at Tyersall Park,” Nick said.

“Oh?”

“I haven’t wanted to see anyone since that night in Cameron Highlands, Rachel.”

“Are you back at the Kingsford Hotel?”

“Colin’s let me crash at his house in Sentosa Cove while he’s away on his honeymoon. He and Araminta have been very worried about you too, you know.”

“How nice of them,” she said flatly, staring out across the pool at the replica of Venus de Milo . An armless statue of a beautiful maiden fought over by collectors for centuries, even though its origins have never been verified. Maybe someone should chop off her arms too. Maybe she would feel better.

Nick reached out and placed his hand over Rachel’s. “Let’s go back to New York. Let’s go home.”

“I’ve been thinking … I need to go to China. I want to meet my father.”

Nick paused. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Is anyone ever ready to meet the father they never knew, who’s in a prison?”

Nick sighed. “Well, when do we leave?”

“Actually, Peik Lin is coming with me.”

“Oh,” Nick said, a little taken aback. “Can I come? I’d like to be there for you.”

“No, Nick, this is something I need to do on my own. It’s already enough that Peik Lin insisted on coming. But her father has friends in China who are helping with the red tape, so I couldn’t say no. I’ll be in and out within a couple of days, and then I’ll be ready to head back to New York.”

“Well, just let me know when you want to change the return date on our plane tickets. I’m ready to go home anytime, Rachel.”

Rachel inhaled deeply, bracing herself for what she was about to say. “Nick, I need to go back to New York … on my own.”

“On your own?” Nick said in surprise.

“Yes. I don’t need you to cut short your summer vacation and fly back with me.”

“No, no, I’m as sick of this place as you are! I want to go home with you!” Nick insisted.

“That’s the thing, Nick. I don’t think I can deal with that right now.”

Nick looked at her sadly. She was clearly still in a world of pain.

“And when I’m back in New York,” she continued, her voice getting shaky, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

“What? What do you mean?” Nick said in alarm.

“I mean exactly that. I’ll get my things out of your apartment as soon as I get back, and then when you return—”

“Rachel, you’re crazy!” Nick said, leaping out of his chair and crouching down beside her. “Why are you saying all this? I love you. I want to marry you.”

“I love you too,” Rachel cried. “But don’t you see—it’s never going to work.”

“Of course it is. Of course it is! I don’t give a damn what my family thinks—I want to be with you, Rachel.”