Tan, Chade-Meng - Search Inside Yourself - The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)

creating desired mental habits to create, 167–68

empathic listening as, 180–84

establishing trust as, 174–80

how to save your marriage and other relationships with, 171–72

Just Like Me/Loving Kindness practice for developing, 169–71, 195

using kindness to grow friendship from ugly situation, 195–97

political awareness as, 186–90

praising authentically as, 184–86

sincerity, kindness, and openness to develop, 177–79. See also social skills

entrainment phenomenon, 163

envisioning: definition of, 134, 141–42

discover your ideal future by, 143–45

motivation through, 142–47

talk about your ideal future a lot as part of, 145–46

exercise analogy of meditation, 33–35

exercise physiology, 233–34

Expensive Food Meditation, 55

failure: gaining success through, 152–53

inner resilience for overcoming fear of, 155–56

learning optimism to overcome fear of, 153–55

Michael Jordan’s story of, 151–52

fairness (SCARF model), 214

feedback: to encourage a growth mind-set, 185

praising authentically, 184–86

feeding the monsters, 110, 112–13

fight-flight-freeze mode, 21, 116

Finkelstein, Joel, 236

Fischer, Norman, 59, 60, 66, 84, 96, 134, 236

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team (Lencioni), 175

flow (passion), 132, 135–36

fluttering flag on a flagpole analogy, 89–90

focused attention, 71–75

follow your breath, 36, 37, 39

formal practice of mindful conversation, 62–63

formal practice of mindful listening, 58

Frankl, Viktor, 20

Fredrickson, Barbara, 154, 211

Friedman, Gary, 60

friendship: using kindness to develop, 195–97

sincerity, kindness, and openness to develop, 177–79. See also relationships

gamma brain waves, 49–50

Gandhi, Mahatma, 106, 217, 231

Gardner, Howard, 11

Gates, Bill, 152

George, Bill, 199–200

Gere, Richard, 146

Ginsberg, Yvonne, 37, 41, 67

Gladwell, Malcolm, 23–24

“Goldilocks zone,” 74

Goldin, Philippe, 18, 114, 122, 236

Goleman, Daniel: on accurate self-assessment, 83

on “amygdala hijack” emotional outbursts, 116

Emotional Intelligence by, 10, 234–36

emotional intelligence work by, 3

on entrainment phenomenon, 163

on making difficult decisions with empathy, 165–66

on political awareness, 186–87

self-awareness as defined by, 81, 89

goodness: influencing with, 210–12

Paul Ekman on Dalai Lama’s, 217–18

Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap … and Others Don’t (Collins), 200–201

Google: inquiry into contemplative practices at, 3

People Ops (human resources) of, 4

Search Inside Yourself (SIY) of, 3–8, 236–37

“20 percent time” allowed employees of, 3

Google University (now GoogleEDU), 236

Gordon, Evian, 210

Gottman, John, 162, 211

“Gottman ratio,” 211

grasping, 108, 109–10

Great Waves (O-nami) story, 155–56

Grinstein, Gerald, 13–14

Gross, James, 122

growth mind-set, 185

“Guest House” (Rumi), 127–28

guru disagreement story, 190

gut feelings, 23–24, 25

gym buddy analogy, 66

Halifax, Roshi Joan, 240

happiness: the ability to create the conditions for, 15–17

compassion as state of, 197–99

deep ocean metaphor for, 148

as default state of mind, 32–33

kindness as a sustainable source of, 171

Matthieu Ricard’s state of extreme, 2

measuring it in the brain, 2, 197

pleasure, passion and higher purpose forms of, 132–33, 134–36

Harvard Fatigue Laboratory (HFL), 233

Harvard Negotiation Project, 219

hidden treasure story, 79–80

higher purpose: aligning work with values and, 134

discovering values and, 140–41

as form of happiness, 132–33

high-resolution perception, 22–24

Honda Soichiro, 152

Hsieh, Tony, 132, 134

humor, 110, 113–14

I Feel What You Feel If You Are Similar to Me study (Serino and team), 166

inattention to results, 176

incentives research, 138–39

influencing: the SCARF model for, 212–17

understanding the social brain for, 210–12

informal practice of mindful listening, 59

inner calm: definition of, 147

meditation on resilience for, 149–51

for resilience training, 148

inner resilience, 155–56

innovation, 104

intention of mindfulness meditation, 35–37

intuition: basal ganglia as neuroanatomical bases of, 24

learning to listen to our body’s, 23–24, 25

James, William, 51–52

John Paul II, Pope, 229

Jordan, Michael, 142, 151–52, 153

journaling: prime the mind process for, 98–99

self-discovery through, 95–98

Joyful Mindfulness, 70–71, 87

joy in meditation, 68–71

Just Like Me practice, 169–71, 195

Kabat-Zinn, John, 20, 26, 47, 50, 89, 108–9

Kay, Rachel, 236

kindness: empathic listening and role of, 182

empathy as driven by, 166, 191

establishing trust through, 177–79

to grow friendship from ugly situation, 195–97

Just Like Me/Loving Kindness practice of, 169–71, 195

Loving Kindness Meditation, 169–70

starting every thought with, 110, 113–14

as sustainable source of happiness, 171. See also compassion

empathy

Kouzes, Jim, 193–94

Lao Zi, 29

Lapedis, David, 236

Lazar, Sara, 50

“The Lazy Bodhisattva” (Tan), 241

leadership: being loved as component for effective, 193–95

with compassion, 197–99

compassionate leadership as the most effective, 199–203

as emotional intelligence benefit, 13–14

Level 5 leaders and, 201–3

military, 14, 15, 194. See also social skills

learning optimism, 153–55

Lencioni, Patrick, 175, 176

Leonardo da Vinci, 103

Lesser, Marc, 116, 124, 174, 187, 236

letting go, 107–10

Level 5 leadership, 201–3

Levenson, Robert, 162

Lieberman, Matthew, 21

life as a sitcom, 124–25

“like writing on water” metaphor, 106–7

LinkExchange, 132

listening: empathic, 180–84

formal practice of mindful, 58

informal practice of mindful, 59

mindful, 57–60, 140–41. See also communication

“looping,” 61, 63

Loving Kindness practice, 169–73

Lutz, Antoine, 47, 49

Maier, Steve, 213

Marcus Aurelius, 1, 109

marriage: “Gottman ratio” predicting success of, 211–12

Loving Kindness practice to save your, 169–71. See also relationships

mastery, 136–39

The Matrix (film), 22

Mayer, John D., 10, 11

May, Karen, 179

meditation: aligning with real life, 233–37

analogy of physical exercise for, 33–35

“attentional-blink” deficit and, 47–49

avoiding distractions, 42

baby learning to walk analogy of learning, 76–77

circuit training for, 72, 73

definition of, 29

eyes closed or open, 41–42

as a field of science, 1, 47–50, 232–33

gamma brain waves generated by, 49–50

lightness and joy in, 68–71

Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta Bhavana), 169–70, 172–73

making friends with your emotions through, 127–29

as methodology for world peace, 229–31

Multiplying Goodness Meditation, 203–5, 210

posture for, 39–41

pot of water analogy of being relaxed and alert secret of, 31–32

resilience, 149–51

spirit of inquiry and science of, 46–50

traditional definitions and terminology for, 30