Tan, Chade-Meng - Search Inside Yourself - The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)

moving to self-regulation to, 125–26

self-control, 104

self-directed kindness, 38–39

self-efficacy, 85

“self-objectivity,” 83

self-regulation: all about making friends with emotions, 127–29

dealing with triggers, 115–25

five emotional competencies for, 104–5

mother-in-law story on, 121–22

moving to self-confidence from, 125–26

neural model of emotion regulation, 114–15

as not about avoiding or suppressing emotions, 105–6

practice of letting go, 107–10

principles for dealing with distress, 110–14

Siberian North Railroad practice of, 116–21

stopping an unwholesome thought or emotion, 106–7

self-regulation emotional competencies: adaptability, 104

choice commonality of all, 104–5

conscientiousness, 104

innovation, 104

self-control, 104

trustworthiness, 104

Seligman, Martin, 12, 153

Sengcan, 107

Serino, Andrea, 166, 167

seven-point meditation posture, 40–41

shamatha practice, 32

Siberian North Railroad practice, 116–21

sitting time, 44–45

Slagter, Heleen, 47

social brain: SCARF model for the, 212–15

understanding the, 210–12. See also the brain

social skills: communicating with insight, 219

compassion, 161, 197–99, 210–12

for conducting difficult conversations, 219–24

definition of, 11

goodness as, 210–12, 217–18

influencing, 210–17

Meng’s magic mushroom mantra summarizing, 227

mindful e-mailing, 224–26. See also empathy skills

leadership

Sogyal Rinpoche, 40

Space Balls (film), 38

spatial compromise, 42

Spera, Stefanie, 96

spirit of inquiry, 46–47

status (SCARF model), 212

stories: Great Waves (O-nami), 155–56

guru disagreement, 190

hidden treasure, 79–80

listening, sharing, and exploring, 221

Michael Jordan’s failure, 151–52

mother-in-law, 121–22

“Third Story” perspective, 220–21

whole of holy life, 159–60

suffering and pain insight, 107–10

sukha (“non-energetic joy”), 70–71

sustaining mindfulness practice, 65–67

team performance: five dysfunctions of, 175–76

trust as essential to effective, 175

temporal compromise, 42

Tenzin Tethong, 232

Thich Nhat Hanh, 20, 54, 94, 109, 111, 241

“Third Story” perspective, 220–21

Three Assumptions practice, 180

“Three Conversations” concept, 220

Three Easy Steps to World Peace, 231–37

Thupten Jinpa, 199

Tonglen Meditation, 206–10

Traditional Buddhism meditation postures, 39

training attention, 19–21

transformation of pessimism, 154–55

triggers. See emotional triggers

trust: five team dysfunctions related to, 175–76

sincerity, kindness, and openness to develop, 177–79

Three Assumptions practice for, 180

vulnerability-based, 176–77

work benefits of establishing, 174–77

trustworthiness, 104

United Nations, 146

University of Parma (Italy), 160

Vasudev, Sadhguru Jaggi, 240, 241

Very Short List (VSL): Science website, 97

VMPFC (ventromedial prefrontal cortex), 21

vulnerability-based trust, 176–77

walking meditation, 55–56

Wallace, Alan, 32, 68, 232

Watson, Thomas, 152

Western Airlines, 14

whole of holy life story, 159–60

will.i.am, 146

Wilson, Owen, 146

Working with Emotional Intelligence (Goleman), 165–66

work performance: as emotional intelligence benefit, 13

five dysfunctions of team, 175–76

world peace: emotional intelligence as path to, 234–35

meditation as methodology for, 229–31

Three Easy Steps to, 231–37

World Peace Festival (Berlin), 86–87

Wu, Wayne, 233

Zappos Customer Loyalty Team (ZCLT), 139

Zappos ‘“Delivering Happiness” secret, 132, 139

Zen: as flow in action, 135

O-nami (Great Waves) story of, 155–56

on wilderness, city, and emperor’s court retreats, 196

“Zen bums,” 198

Zhu, Hongjun, 236

Acknowledgments

If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.

—Isaac Newton

Hey, there is some guy standing on our shoulders.

—Giants

This book is about applying wisdom in the real world, but none of that wisdom actually came from me. The wisdom is already everywhere, practiced, taught, and embodied by countless generations of wise men and women, many of whom live among us. I see great people. Walking around like regular people. They don’t even know they are great.

No, I did not generate wisdom. All I did was translate it into terms that even I can understand. I am merely a translator for the wise ones. In a way, they are the real authors of this book and I am just the guy typing on the keyboard.

First and foremost, I want to give thanks to my main drinking source of that wisdom. He is a man so dear to me and whose teachings I have become so intimate with that, in my heart, I endearingly refer to him as “the Old Man.” Others know him as the Buddha. I am also deeply grateful to those who have passed down his teachings and especially those who passed those teachings directly to me. Among them are the late Godwin Samararatne (my first meditation teacher); the Venerables Sangye Khadro, Bhikkhu Bodhi, S. Dhammika, and Matthieu Ricard; the Very Venerable Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche; Zen Masters Thich Nhat Hanh, Norman Fischer, Shinzen Young, and Joan Halifax; and lay teachers Jon Kabat-Zinn, Shaila Catherine, and Alan Wallace. I am grateful to His Holiness the Dalai Lama for exemplifying great wisdom, compassion, and humor in the modern world, and also for giving me a hug for my fortieth birthday. He made turning forty almost bearable for me. I am thankful to all of them and many others for deepening my mind.

I am thankful to many who showed me the same wisdom and compassion in the context of faith traditions. I was deeply touched reading the Sermon on the Mount and learning about the life of Jesus Christ. I am thankful to a beautiful woman I met in college, Cindy, for introducing Him to me. I later managed to con, I mean, convince her to marry me. Many other dear friends reinforced my attraction to Jesus. One of them is a Benedictine monk, Brother David Steindl-Rast, who impressed me with his deep serenity and gentle humor. Another is Dr. Stuart Lord, a Baptist minister who also manages to be a Buddhist meditator running a major Buddhist university. Other dear friends like Norman Fischer showed me that you can be a practicing Jew and Buddhist (in his case, a classically-trained Buddhist Zen master) at the same time. I am thankful to all of them and many others for opening my mind.

There is a story I need to tell: Once upon a time, there were three highly talented young men who wanted to serve the world and who became close friends with each other. Their names were Danny, Richie, and Jon. When they grew up, they each became world famous in their own unique ways, but the success of each one beautifully complemented the success of the other two. Danny is Daniel Goleman. He became a highly successful author who popularized emotional intelligence. Richie is Richard J. Davidson. He became a highly respected scientist who, among numerous achievements, pioneered much of the science behind contemplative practices. Jon is Jon Kabat-Zinn. He became the first person to bring mindfulness into mainstream medicine and, in the process, brought mindfulness into mainstream modern culture. My work would have been impossible without any one of them. If Danny hadn’t popularized emotional intelligence, or Richie hadn’t pioneered the neuroscience, or Jon hadn’t introduced mindfulness into the mainstream, Search Inside Yourself would not be successful. I stand on the shoulders of these giants. I’m happy for them that I’m not too fat, at least not yet.