Tan, Chade-Meng - Search Inside Yourself - The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)

follow your breath and butterfly resting on petal, 37

learning to meditate like baby learning to walk, 76–77

meditation and physical exercise, 33–35

self-awareness as fluttering flag on a flagpole, 89–90

sustaining mindfulness practice and gym buddy, 66. See also metaphors

anger: feeding, 110, 112–13

practicing loving kindness to dissipate, 171–72

Ariyaratne, A. T. (“Dr. Ari”), 240

attention: enabling high-resolution perception, 22–24

gathered for mindfulness meditation practice, 36, 37–38

looping and dipping components of paying, 61

mastering both focused and open, 71–75

mindful listening by paying, 57–59, 140–41

mindfulness defined as paying, 20, 26, 30, 51–52

“response flexibility” and, 20

Siberian North Railroad practice of settling, 118

study on meditation and “attentional-blink” deficit of, 47–49

training, 19–21. See also meta-attention

“attentional-blink” deficit, 47–49

attentional control, 123–24

attitude toward yourself, 36, 38–39

Augustine, St., 131

autonomy: definition of, 136

motivational element of, 136–39

SCARF model domain of, 213

aversion, 108, 109–10

baby learning to walk analogy, 76–77

Bachman, Wallace, 14

basal ganglia, 24

Bevan, Jennifer, 117

bicycle riding analogy of concentration, 31

Blink (Gladwell), 23–24

body scan, 91–95

Boyatzis, Richard, 85

the brain: cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) impact on, 18

emotions controlled by amygdala of, 21

empathy and mirror neurons of, 160–61

measuring happiness in, 2, 197

meditation and generated gamma brain waves of, 49–50

MPFC (medial prefrontal cortex) of the, 21

“pain matrix” of, 161

research on emotions interact with, 20–21

RVLPFC (right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex) of the, 21

VMPFC (ventromedial prefrontal cortex) of, 21. See also social brain

Brefczynski-Lewis, Julie, 20–21, 29

Brilliant, Larry, 234–35

Buddha, 51, 167

Buffett, Warren, 134, 213–14

Buhrfeind, Eric, 96

Bush, Mirabai, 236

butterfly resting on petal analogy, 37

candle problem, 137–39

Caplan, Robert, 83

Carnegie, Dale, 193

Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) [Stanford University], 233

Center for Contemplative Mind in Society, 236

certainty (SCARF model), 213

Cherniss, Cary, 83

choice, 104–5

Chopra, Deepak, 86

A Christmas Carol (Dickens), 11–12

clarity: benefits of developing, 80

recognizing that you are not your emotions, 100–101

self-awareness to develop, 81–99

coaching/mentoring relationships, 174–75

cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), 18

Collins, Jim, 200–201

communication: with insight, 219

mindful e-mailing, 224–26. See also difficult conversations

listening

compassion: definition of, 199

development, 203–10

as the happiest state, 197–99

influencing with goodness and, 210–12

neural foundation of, 161

as switching from “I” to “We,” 199–200. See also empathy

kindness

compassionate leadership, 199–203

concentration: bicycle riding analogy of, 31

relaxation as foundation of deep, 69

shamatha practice of relaxed, 32

conflict: fear of, 175–76

Loving Kindness practice to dissipate, 171–72

political awareness to work through, 186–90

conscientiousness, 104

core values, 140–41

couples’ empathy study, 162–63

Covey, Stephen R., 159

Creswell, David, 21

Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, 135

Dalai Lama: expression of gratitude from, 133

friendship, compassion, and humor of, 146, 198, 199

humility of, 241

interest in science of meditation by, 1, 47, 232–33

on letting go of unwholesome thoughts, 106

Paul Ekman on goodness of, 217–18

Tonglen meditation practiced by, 209

Davidson, Richard, 47

dealing with distress principles: do not feed the monsters, 111, 112–13

do not feel bad about feeling bad, 110, 111–12

know when you are not in pain, 110, 111

listed, 110–11

start every thought with kindness and humor, 111, 113–14

deCharms, Christopher, 19

decision making with empathy, 166–67

deep ocean metaphor for happiness, 148

“Delivering Happiness” secret, 132, 139

Delizonna, Laura, 22

Delta Airlines crisis, 14

difficult conversations: five steps to conducting, 219–21

insights and exercise for, 221–24. See also communication

Difficult Conversations (Stone, Patton, and Heen), 219

“dipping,” 61, 62

Discovering My Ideal Future exercise, 144–45

distractions: four-step plan to handle, 42–44

mindfulness meditation and avoiding, 36, 38

dog-walking meditation, 57

Doty, Jim, 233

Duane, Bill, 5

Duncker’s candle problem, 137–39

Dweck, Carol, 185

Easier Way, 26–27, 44

Easy Way, 26, 44

Ebenezer Scrooge (A Christmas Carol character), 11–12

Einstein, Albert, 79

Ekman, Paul, 217–18

Elworthy, Scilla, 146

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 9

emotional awareness, 82–83, 88

emotional competencies: definition of, 82

for self-awareness, 82–85, 87–88

for self-regulation, 11, 104–29

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (Goleman), 10, 234–35

emotional intelligence benefits: ability to create the conditions for happiness, 15–17

outstanding leadership, 13–14

stellar work performance, 12–13

emotional intelligence domains: empathy, 11, 159–93

motivation, 11, 131–56

self-awareness, 11–12, 81–99, 162–63

self-regulation, 11, 104–29

social skills, 11, 193–227

emotional intelligence (EI or EQ): benefits of, 12–17

cultivating, 17–19

definition of, 10

five domains of, 11

mindfulness-based, 3, 236–37

as path to world peace, 234–35

emotional intelligence training: begin by training attention, 19–21

enabling high-resolution perception of emotions, 22–24

emotional resilience, 147, 148–49

emotional triggers: mother-in-law story on dealing with, 121–22

other ways to handle, 122–25

self-regulation skills to deal with, 115–16

Siberian North Railroad for dealing with, 116–21

emotions: affect labeling used to self-regulate, 21

dealing with distressing, 110–14

feeding anger, 110, 112–13

high-resolution perception of, 22–24

making friends with your, 127–29

positive, 93

ratio of experiencing positive vs. negative, 211–12

research on how the brain responds to, 20–21

riding a horse metaphor on being ruled by, 103–4

scanning for, 93

self-regulating your, 11, 104–29

understanding that you are not your, 100–101

empathic listening: description and practice of, 181–83

formal practice of, 181–82

informal practice of, 183–84

empathy: creating desired mental habits for, 167–68

definition of, 11

establishing trust, 174–80

kindness and perceived similarity as increasing, 166–67, 191

making difficult decisions with, 165–66

mental habits for people with, 191

as not being psychologizing or agreeing, 164–65

“plain vanilla,” 187

relationship between self-awareness and, 162–63

research on mirror neurons as basis of, 160–61. See also compassion

kindness

empathy skills: for bringing out the best in people, 174