David Wallechinsky - The Book of Lists

On the way to the gallows the sheriff told Clark to speed up the pace. Clark replied, ‘Nothing will happen until I get there.’

Turning to a newsman on his way to the electric chair, French helpfully suggested, ‘I have a terrific headline for you in the morning: “French Fries”.’

The last person to die in the gas chamber at San Quentin, Harris issued a final statement through the prison warden that stated, ‘You can be a king or a street-sweeper, but everybody dances with the Grim Reaper.’ The quote was inspired by a line from the film Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey .

As he stepped onto the gallows Palmer looked at the trapdoor and exclaimed, ‘Are you sure it’s safe?’

Feeling the edge of the axe soon to be used on him, Raleigh said, ‘’Tis a sharp remedy but a sure one for all ills.’

Asked if he had a last request, Rodgers stated, ‘Why yes — a bulletproof vest.’

Sitting down in the electric chair Wood said, ‘Gentlemen, you are about to see the effects of electricity upon wood.’

In hopes of ending a drought in upstate New York in the 1880s, a Presbyterian minister named Duncan McLeod organized a mass prayer session to take place on a Saturday in August. At noon people throughout the area stopped their activities and prayed for rain. By one o’clock clouds had appeared; by two a gusty wind was blowing; by three the temperature had dropped 20º, and by four a thunderstorm had arrived. The storm, which dropped almost two inches of rain, washed out a bridge and completely destroyed a barn, which burned to the ground after being struck by lightning.

As it happened, the barn belonged to Phineas Dodd, the only farmer in Phelps, New York, who had refused to join the collective prayer. Many thought that Dodd had been a victim of divine justice, but Dodd had other ideas: when he heard that Reverend McLeod was accepting congratulations for having ended the drought, he sued the minister for $5,000 to cover the damages to his property. The minister was put in a difficult situation: after repeatedly telling his followers that God had answered their prayers, he could hardly back down and say that the storm was just a coincidence. Fortunately for McLeod, his lawyer was able to convince the judge that the mass prayers had requested only rain and that the thunder and lightning had been a bonus provided by God and for which McLeod and his parishioners were not responsible.

In the spring of 1888, actress Lillian Russell starred on Broadway in the play The Queen’s Mate . When producer James Duff decided to take the show on the road, he insisted that Russell wear silk tights in one scene, as she had in New York. Russell refused, saying that what was acceptable in New York might be considered scandalous in smaller cities. She also claimed that theatres out West were draughty and that she might catch cold. While cynics gossiped that Russell’s reluctance was due to recent weight gains (she was now 5 ft 6 in. and 165 lb), Duff took the issue to court. The judge turned out to be a gallant fellow who ruled in Lillian Russell’s favour, observing that her figure was a national asset that needed to be protected at all costs.

The elite status of the Cabot family of New England is summarised in the old ditty:

In August 1923, the Cabots received a bit of a jolt when Harry and Myrtle Kabotchnick of Philadelphia filed a petition to have their last name changed to Cabot. Immediate objections were raised by several prominent members of the Cabot family as well as by The Pennsylvania Society of the Order of Founders and Patriots of America. However, Judge Audendried ruled in favour of the Kabotchnicks, and a new branch was grafted onto the Cabot family tree.

The case of Gloria Sykes caused a sensation in San Francisco throughout the month of April 1970. A devout Lutheran and college graduate from Dearborn Heights, Michigan, the 23-year-old Sykes had been involved in a cable car accident. The Hyde Street cable car lost its grip and plunged backwards, throwing Sykes against a pole. She suffered two black eyes and several bruises, but worst of all, claimed her lawyer, she was transformed into a nymphomaniac. Although she had had sex back in Michigan, she became insatiable after the accident and once engaged in sexual intercourse 50 times in five days. This inconvenience caused her to sue the Municipal Railway for $500,000 for physical and emotional injuries. The jury of eight woman and four men was basically sympathetic and awarded Sykes a judgment for $50,000.

In 1971 Gerald Mayo filed suit in Pennsylvania at the US district court against Satan and his servants, claiming they had placed obstacles in his path which caused his downfall. On December 3, Mayo’s complaint was denied on the grounds that the defendant did not reside in Pennsylvania.

In 1976, Cecilia M. Pizzo filed suit in New Orleans to nullify the Louisiana Purchase, which had doubled the size of the United States in 1803. Pizzo claimed that neither Napoleon nor Thomas Jefferson had the authority to make the deal and that the 8-million-acre parcel still belonged to Spain. Judge Jack M. Gordon ruled that although it might be true that only the French Parliament and the US Congress had had the legal right to engage in negotiations, the fact was that Pizzo had filed her suit 167 years too late, since the statute of limitations on such cases is only six years.

In April 1978, 24-year-old Tom Hansen of Boulder, Colorado, sued his parents, Richard and Shirley, for ‘parental malpractice’. Young Hansen claimed that his parents had done such a bad job of rearing him that he would be forced to seek psychiatric care for the rest of his life. He asked $250,000 in medical expenses and $100,000 in punitive damages. In explaining his reasons for filing the suit, Hansen said it was an alternative to his desire to kill his father: ‘I felt like killing my father for a long time. I guess I found a more appropriate way of dealing with it.’ The suit was subsequently dismissed by the District Court and later by the Colorado Court of Appeals.

Tom Horsley, a 41-year-old accountant from Campbell, California, was quite upset in May 1978, when his date for the night, 31-year-old waitress Alyn Chesselet of San Francisco, failed to show up. He was so upset, in fact, that he sued her for ‘breach of oral contract’. His lawyer explained that Mr Horsley is ‘not the type of man to take standing up lying down’. Horsley asked for $38 in compensation: $17 for time lost at his hourly wage of $8.50, $17 in travel expenses, and $4 in court costs. Chesselet, in her defence, said she had attempted to call Horsley about her change in plans, which was due to having to work an extra shift, but he had already left his office. Judge Richard P. Figone ruled against Horsley, who remained philosophical. ‘I feel good about the whole thing,’ he said. ‘It raised people’s consciousness about this problem… There’s too much of this thing, broken dates. It shows people are not sincere.’