Yury Gurkov - Note - To read before the wedding

That is why young girls still ask questions: "Why such a handsome man goes with a stout girl without hair and makeup?" Or vice versa, the gorgeous blonde with a huge smile on her face accompanies a man whose wealth is visible in all his gestures including a half-meter waist. Excluding the most obvious – an interest in money which has now become a "trump card", such a relationship can be the answer to the question: "With whom is it better? With a handsome man or with an ordinary guy?".

Does prettiness make a pottage? No. Get stuck only on the beautiful and slender? Not either. While you are thinking about the answers on these rhetorical questions, you can also remember another adage – "slow and steady wins the race".

There is one long – standing and extremely popular mistake of young girls when they are in a hurry to get married – to finish drawing the image of their beloved in their heads. This happens at an early stage of dating, when the girl pays attention to the guy, and he managed, in return, to make a first impression. The girl so much likes his appearance! And the ‘helpful’ amorousness appears out of nowhere and gives the girl the brush and the easel. And here we can see an amazing transformation from the most ordinary guy to a real Prince. The best Prince in the world, by the way.

One of the young women said that she had never been officially married. Having given birth to a daughter in the same state (not married), she continued to look for a husband. And then one day on a walk she met a young father with a child and, as it turned out, he was raising a child without wife. He was good-looking, and his body was close to perfect, because he was a bodybuilder. It is obvious that our heroine could not help but paid attention to him. But she was too ‘hungry’ for the husband and in just six weeks of dating she managed to fall head over heels in love with him. In Russia we sometimes say "fall in love without memory" which means – be hopelessly in love. "He told good things about marriage and family" – was all she remembered about his positive characteristics. She could not remember anything else! Then she drew up in her head how good he was in everything and what a wonderful husband he would be for her and a father to their children. Now, after she has learned how to reason and evaluate her own actions a little, she said: "I think that it was very stupid." I fell in love so much that then I experienced a long depression. I considered what had happened as a collapse. When the guy found out that she was older than him, he abruptly lost interest and "ran away". Such mistakes are made by a lot of people, complementing the image of a guy with desirable qualities, which sometimes are not even close to the reality. This embellishing in pink glasses is forced by many desires – to be in love, to be loved, to get married or just have your own man.

These situations are everywhere and they are very frequent, especially with young people. Of course it is natural not only for youth. Some ladies and gentlemen who are already older than 18 years can also try to complete the picture of their crushes. Such people can join a group of ‘artists’. Why are they ‘artists’? First of all, because, knowing almost nothing about a person, having no time to understand or having no experience due to age or mental state, such great ‘artists’ embellish the image of a loved one. They finish the ‘picture’ of their beloved ones in their own heads automatically. And it happens sometimes after 2–3 bouquets of flowers or one good evening together or hanging around a month or two or after chatting in WhatsApp. They redraw in their dreams a picture of a real person to the perfect one or to the one that is very good from all sides and in all spheres.

KNOWING ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT A PERSON, HAVING NO TIME TO UNDERSTAND OR HAVING NO EXPERIENCE DUE TO AGE OR MENTAL STATE, SUCH GREAT ‘ARTISTS’ EMBELLISH THE IMAGE OF A LOVED ONE.

And now, he is kind, beautiful, caring, calm and generous, the best groom ever! If you have a smile on your face now, then there is no point in continuing to tell that this is not so easy and that all girls like to embellish.

Those people who with patience, intelligence and effort create an ideal man for themselves bit by bit in their minds can be called such ‘artists’. They met a real person with his or her own pros and cons, he or she might be ‘a loser’ or even mentally and spiritually disassembled. But these ‘artists’ draw all the missing features. Those people are ‘artists’ who help him or her to be happy, successful in marriage and career, revealing his talents. Who tell them “you are my help – mate in everyday life”, “You are so helpful in raising children”, so that this (embellished in the head) person feels like he or she is the head of the family, even if this is not quite true.

There is no serious reason to make such an exhaustive and beautiful «portrait» of a guy for a short period of time. Especially if you know that he gave his hand a couple of times when you were going down the stairs or present you your favorite perfume or a box of sweets/ chocolates or even worse – writes that he misses you and thinks about you constantly.

Naturally, each guy will have his own advantages. The main mistake is that people always cling to what they see. Lovers stop «seeing» and looking for flaws, but they must get acquainted with them, and in perfect way – before the wedding.

Please, be honest with yourself and stop finishing the image of your beloved one. And please stop suffering even knowing nothing in fact about your “hero” and ‘best man’ from all sides. And if you have a relationship in full swing or it has just begun – there is time and a lot of obligatory steps that will be described in this book. Let the brushes and bright colors lie down for a while, it is time to make detailed sketches of all the «cracks» and bends of your date but now only in pencil.

Women who have married for the first time at the age of 18 are unanimous in one thing – it was "too early" and their own opinion – “I was stupid then, I did not know life”. And guys too, in many ways in 18 still have many childish and infantile habits for serious relationships. Parents of such children are often the first to see the sharp corners in the relationships of the young and with great caution go with them to the registry office, hoping that everything just is going to work out. Both – the girl and the boy – grow up being in marriage, change a lot and become real adults. Now they are obliged to get used to new manifestations of each other, sometimes to such which were not visible at all at the beginning of their married life. This is the period at the beginning of family life after marriage, when youthful ideas about love, relationships, mutual giving to each other break down reality.

In the first years of their life together, they may realize that everything is not so simple and not as you imagined at all. And here your husband is either your assistant to smooth the corners and share the load, or he is: "Oh, I am the sickest man in the world…", – as the wonderful Karlsson said. And if in the story with Karlsson he added: "What are you worth, you promised me to be my own mother!", then your phrase to the husband doing nothing but sound with easy reproach: “What are you worth, you promised me to be the closest person!”