Yury Gurkov: Note: To read before the wedding

In no instance I do not deny that love should move the bride and groom to conclude a marriage alliance. In the book you will not find any information, any sentence or any word about it, it is made in the belief that it does not take a rocket scientist that love and attraction are on the surface.

It's just that love and appetence to each other – the way we used to understand it – are risk considerations, the reasons that separate people, if they are not thinking, contemplating or making any thought process – to think who is in front of you. Sometimes people do not think at all. We say only some beautiful words of love and longing in order to cover up our ignorance or unwillingness to analyze. So what should you pay attention to when choosing a groom, if love remains in default general and fundamental?

IT'S JUST THAT LOVE AND APPETENCE TO EACH OTHER – THE WAY WE USED TO UNDERSTAND IT – ARE RISK CONSIDERATIONS, THE REASONS THAT SEPARATE PEOPLE, IF THEY ARE NOT THINKING, CONTEMPLATING OR MAKING ANY THOUGHT PROCESS – TO THINK WHO IS IN FRONT OF YOU.

The trick is that if we do not know thoroughly our future spouse, husband or wife, love remains as if «naked», and it should be dressed not only in beautiful clothes from our romantic ideas. Love should be firstly dressed in practical clothes, which are not afraid of any quarrels that make us feel the cold inside of our hearts, or any conflicts of values, collisions of characters which make us nervous and heated, or any household fittings, or showers of tears, or reproaches or even insults.

Such «clothes» everyone should gather in his list of what he knew and definitely find a lot of new things. The attentive reader will find something new in the examples, images and his or her own reflections after each chapter.

Some comparisons and allegories will be our helpers in a long conversation. These comparisons often remain in our memory and help us to carry advice and recommendations through time. Let us turn to one of them, maybe a little strange one for girls – an example of successful fishing. We will not look at the fairytale about the goldfish, we will talk about real fishing.

In order to catch an ordinary fish the most common fisherman does not throw a fishing rod from the beach of the lake, saying that it is convenient for him or there is a sandy entrance. He makes a strategic plan. At first by studying and asking seasoned fishermen when it is better to go for the morning bite, when to the evening dawn. And dozens of specialized «secrets»: what wind will be better for the bite, million little things in gear and the peculiar features of each fish. One of them sharply and thoughtlessly falls to the hook with killer, the other on the contrary can try for hours and eat everything without getting caught. Without the ability to analyze the situation, the fisherman would have nothing to do – he simply will not catch the desired fish.

Reviewing the analogy with our topic, the desired husband can not be caught, if you also do not know the important and necessary moments: "a strategic plan, when and where to go to find a husband, which wind from the interlacing of personality traits will be favorable and which hurricane will be more feeble for the family life and of course a million little things that can be a stumbling block in the future." And to catch your own best husband, you will have to turn on the switch actuator of analytical analysis in your head and do not turn it off preferably until great age.

Couple dozen examples are waiting for you ahead. They will show you that the absence of such an assessment of a husband or a wife has led to varying degrees of consequences, which are difficult to call the little nothings of life. It is rather a disaster, disappointment, bitter crust from the sweet expectation of splendid and delicious daily communication with your loved one.

When we visit doctors, we heed a piece of their advice and recommendations on how to preserve health. Their words are very important for us, we follow them as if they are primary rules. We stop eating fat or reduce alcohol, do not overstrain the heart or vice versa – start to run, swim.

The wrong choice of the husband – it is also a disease, but not the disease of the body, but rather the «soul». It is painful to see how young and enamoured people get married very hasty or being frivolous acquainted with each other. Their future is too predictable – divorce, shock, anger towards the opposite sex and other «symptoms». Please promise yourself to hunt down a question how should be analyzed, considered and weighed long and happy family relationships before the wedding bouquet.

So, how does it all start? You know, it starts very simply and in most cases it is the same scheme: "Look, he is so smart!" – we say to ourselves. Of course, appearance is our advertising packaging, on which we «bite» like a fish on tasty bait. This is what we "sell and buy". Many of us have married on «packing», not having looked under it, believing, that if packing is flamboyant, beautiful and appetizing, then the content would be necessarily good.

And it was only you so lucky to meet this guy, to notice, that he is not such as all. Only he stirs yours heart of over meetings and after them. And then, after families break up, a lot of people, growing up, say the same phrase: "Now I would never marry him." Because I thought I knew him, but I married a "packing." This comparison will help you to double-check if you really know the person with whom you are going to live your life, to bear and raise children, wait for grandchildren. Is he really that one who he says is? What is there – under the "packing"?

BEAUTY INTOXICATES AND STUPEFIES THE MIND. WHILE TALKING CLOSER (INSTEAD OF A KIND, OPEN, CARING PERSON) YOU CAN OFTEN SEE A SPOILED, CAPRICIOUS, SELFISH NATURE. LIVE WITH SUCH A PERSON IN THE MARRIAGE IS CLOSER TO PUNISHMENT THAN TO PLEASURE.

A beautiful face attracts and tempts the imagination, we couldn't help but feel the joy of a lovely and regular features. Behind the beautiful face we expect to see a beautiful person in everything: a girl wants to see her Prince, a guy – his Princess. A girl will involuntarily trust more a guy with a beautiful face and she will probably easily forgive weaknesses. It would only be necessary to look once again at the bright face of the beloved Prince. So do guys, who are dreaming of the most beautiful girls. They are ready to ignore a lot of things, to lavish her with hyper-court and sometimes hyper-gifts in order to have this beauty next to him. Beauty intoxicates and stupefies the mind. While talking closer (instead of a kind, open, caring person) you can often see a spoiled, capricious, selfish nature. Live with such a person in the marriage is closer to punishment than to pleasure. You should know about this mistake. You should learn how to correct it from a young age, no later than in elementary school, so that the child learns to appreciate not only the external beauty, but more the inner world, so that appearance does not give rise to «discounts» in the evaluation of a person.

"Prettiness makes no pottage" – is a grotesque, in which we can find a great sense, – the appearance is not the most important thing and is anything but not the key point in family relations. It can be noted that people with ordinary, not the most attractive appearance and figure are much more likely to be ‘real’ people with manifestations of sensitivity, mutual respect, patience, care and tenderness. Give your network a second glance and you will find such people. Compare them with those who are considered as bright, extremely attractive, with delicate figure. And soon you will notice that communication with them is much better and comfortable. Even the classical values are sometimes higher in those who are on the «second» plan. These kinds of features are needed for a wonderful relationship of spouses.