Ajahn Brahm - Don't Worry, Be Grumpy

So for those of you who are overweight, like this author, make sure you laugh a lot. The effect on your arteries may save your life!

For example, the famous American comedian George Burns, during an interview on his ninety-something birthday, was asked about his lifestyle: “George, you’re in your late nineties, and still you stay out into the early hours of the morning in nightclubs, drink copious amounts of scotch whiskey, smoke cigars by the box, and eat fatty foods. Aren’t you concerned about your health?”

“Not at all,” replied George. “My wife was always worried about my health and lifestyle, and that’s why she died many years ago!”

In 2010, I was invited to give a keynote address at the World Computer Congress in Brisbane. I knew nothing about computers, but such trivial details as “not knowing what I am talking about” didn’t stop me from accepting the gig.

During my speech, I held up my glass of water and asked my audience, “How heavy is this glass?”

Before they could answer, I continued, “If I keep on holding my glass like this, after five minutes my arm will ache. After ten minutes, I will be in considerable pain. And after fifteen minutes, I will be in agony and a very stupid monk!

“So what should I do?

“Whenever the glass of water starts to feel too heavy for me to hold comfortably, I should put it down for one minute. Having rested my arm for sixty seconds, then I can pick up the glass and carry it again with ease. If you don’t believe me, try it yourself at home!

“This is the origin of stress at your workplace. It has nothing to do with how much work you have to do, nor how heavy your responsibilities are. It has everything to do with not knowing how to put the work down when it feels too heavy to bear, and rest for a little while, before picking up the burden again.”

My advice was so well received that it was published in The Australian , the only national daily newspaper in Australia, and migrated from there to the Australian Stock Exchange website.

If you don’t learn to “put down the burden” and take a rest when you feel stressed, then the quality of your work will decline, your output will get much less, and your stress levels will increase. But if you give yourself a half-hour break in the middle of the day, the thirty minutes that you lose is soon made up with higher-quality work completed in less time. You get, for example, four hours work done in three hours, and it is of good quality. Putting down the glass of water, therefore, is not a waste of precious time but an investment, repaid later through the increased efficiency of your brain.

My advice later appeared on the Harvard Business School blog. So maybe I do know what I am talking about after all!

Many years ago, I read the following inspiring story of how a man overcame his anger and lack of self-esteem.

A widow was presenting the eulogy at her husband’s funeral service. She held up a dog-eared half sheet of paper, explained that her husband had kept it in his wallet since before they were married, and that it had prevented him from getting angry with others or becoming negative about himself.

Her husband had told her that when he was a teenager attending an all-boys high school, a major fight was about to break out in his classroom. It had been brewing for days. The teacher used the last opportunity to exert her authority to order every student to stay at his desk and carefully tear out a page from his exercise book. Then she told them to write, at the top of the page, the name of the boy in the class that they hated the most. They all obeyed. Then she ordered them to draw a neat vertical line down the middle of the page and, on the left side of that line, write the reasons why they hate that boy so much. Her class happily followed that instruction too.

“Now,” she commanded, “on the right side of the line, write the things that you admire and respect about that boy you hate.”

That was very hard for the boys to do. She had to force them to complete the task.

“Fold your piece of paper carefully along the vertical line,” was her next instruction, “and tear it in half. I am coming around with a wastebasket. The left-hand pieces of paper, where you have written all the reasons why you hate your enemy, I want you to place in the wastebasket. The right-hand pieces of paper, where you have written the things that you respect and admire about your enemy, you must politely hand to them. Do it !”

The widow explained that the old half sheet of paper that she was holding up was the right-hand piece that her husband’s worst enemy at high school had given to him, describing all the things that he respected and admired in her husband when he was a boy.

Her husband would refer to that half sheet of paper whenever he was about to get angry. If this is what his worst enemy could see in him, maybe he could bring himself to see some redeeming qualities in his own enemies. Then when he was close to becoming depressed, he thought that if his enemy could see such fine characteristics to admire in him, then maybe he could see them too. That is why he kept the half sheet of paper with him all his life. It made him a contented man.

So if you don’t like yourself, get out a sheet of paper, draw a line down the center, write the things that you don’t like about yourself on the left side and the things you like about yourself on the right side. You must fill the right side! Then tear it in half, throw away the left side, and keep the right portion. Refer to it regularly. It will provide you self-esteem — and also save you spending a lot of money on therapy!

While teaching in Malaysia, my hosts asked if I would see a friend of theirs who was in big trouble. She had been to psychologists and therapists, but no one had been able to help her. They thought perhaps I could help.

I did not know what her problem was, but I did know that if all the best professionals had not been able to help her, then I would have to do something very different. Indeed it is not hard for a monk to think “outside the box,” because we actually live outside the box.

When she came in to see me, I made my mind empty of all thoughts. Being a professional meditator, it is something very easy for me to do. Then she proceeded to tell me how she had been brutally raped.

After she had finished the harrowing story, I heard these words come out from a place within my empty mind and through my mouth: “You are so fortunate to have been raped!”

I was shocked at what I had said. The woman in front of me was even more stunned. These words had not been premeditated. They just came out from a very quiet place in my mind by themselves. I soon made sense of them. I told her:

“I will never be able to comprehend what you have gone through and how you must feel. But what I have seen is that you have substantial inner spiritual strength. You will find your way out of this horrible hole, and when you do, you will be able to say something that I’m incapable of saying. You’ll be able to look deeply into the eyes of another victim of rape and tell her ‘I understand how you feel, for I’ve been there too.’ Then you’ll be able to do even more. You will be able to tell her the way out, saying, ‘Take my hand. I know how to get out of this horrible hole.’ I’ll never be able to do that. That is what I meant when I said ‘You are so fortunate to have been raped.’ You will later help so many others.”

The woman understood. Somehow, my words had given the terrible experience a meaning and given her an important task to perform, not just for herself, but also for the comfort of many others.