Array MaRiCaBo - The World of Unicellular. This Book is a Medicine from Moronity

But now time changed and a grass is not a controlling thing in our life, in fact our freedom is set on a stake. Hey, men, be my guest on raising the country. You are the real fighters and all are end, who are against you. Maturganchiks-freaks will go away from our earths, and after our victory we will arrange such booze-up that all cunt will come.

Get up a country is enormous,

Get up on a death fight

With fascist force dark

All will be a tryn-grass”.

The Fucking-Up has reached people and they finally pulled up their socks. The Jamgimen’s army was gathered ina moment. And now on the battlefield face to face there are two hand-picked armies of two unappeasable cities: Maturgan (“The Servants of Evil” army) and Ahalay-Mahalay (“One-night Stand” army). Our guys wore the red uniform, hostiles – the blue one. Guests were the first to take the initiative; they even dared to give a bloody nose to our officers. And the only respond the “red guys” could give, was to make some distant slams towards the guests’ left flank. By the thirty minute “One-nights” took a chance for countercharge supported widely by the defense regiments in the trains’ area. A couple of times the guests’ General helped them out with his adroit defense commanding. Still, by the time of a break the hosts succeeded to open a score – the right hand rifles section has been completely knocked out. After a little rest the guests took a plunge into an adventure, throwing the trains for attack. And it’s been their last and critical mistake in the match. Jamgimen burst into the center and crashed the whole central platoon nimbly; they had exterminated the General and the good halfof his defenders. Domination of the “Reds” lasted till the very ending of the match. At last there comes the final whistle, everyone rush to whack the Blue ones. Hashish cries out “Whack the gaylords!” and the circle with the locked-on maturganers started to shrink (and so did the gigi by the way). Suddenly the huge Pumpurum’s platoon showed underhandedly. “Trick bag” said Hashish and rushed to the battle in the first flight. Having whacked twenty six deadbeats from the neighboring country Hashish missed the sudden kick at his jaw made with a baseball club (made of aluminum) and then had been taken to the intensive care. Now Brigadier General of liberation army in the Fucking-Shitty region Ykvambur Armorwind Chimny took the command. He gripped AK and with the yell “Tweak the dickhead’s ass!” dashed to a battle, just like Hashish did before. The battle lasted for three days and three nights and, finally, on the dawn of the fourth day, the exhausted troops of Jamgiland risked for the last maneuver. They had dug a huge gap underneath the Pumpurum’s camp and sent it into the pit of hell. The celebration of the victory lasted for twenty weeks and the three-year stockpile of pot, which has become six fold cheaper now, has been smoked out. Hashish recovered and presented Chimny with the medal of Marks the Saint. Pumpurum’s and maturganchiks’ fate had been determined after the celebration. Pumpurum was transformed into Proletary-Potty High Republic (as a part of Jamgiland), while the maturganchiks were deported to the immense vastness of Sahara Desert, that has thrown them back for a several centuries in their evolution. But with this war some independent sects have appearedin the Jamgihism teachings…

10. On the independent flows in jamgihism.

The giving up smoking of pot and non-interference of Jamgick in the war served as catalyst for some changings in jamgihism. As a result, some isolated flows arised: orthodox jamgihism, material jamgihism and real jamgihism, and also the allegation of some members of the 2 last flows in the alternative jamgihism. And if the first two went on living by “Lawsof Moishe”, three other flows significantly reformed the faith.

A) The material jamgihism.

The materialists founded the flow because of non-interference Jamgick in the second war. They grounded the teaching as sincere faith in Jamgick – as a real creature, but in the same time they do not consider him to be a God and generally deny any God worship. They consider Jamgick to be some kind of the guy living highly in mountains and smoking pot. Of course, Jamgick has paranormal capabilities in their comprehension, but nevertheless he is material and his death is quite possible. In opinion of materialists, Jamgick did not create the Earth, but brought people exactly from the previous place of residence. The materialists also use grass in the achievement of higher beatitude, as well as orthodox persons do. Practically they do not differ from orthodoxies in culture, but they do not wear sacred amulets with jamga, unbelieving in its divine origin.

The follow the conceptions, which do not concern the divine origin of Jamgick; and where they are, the concepts are important, they walk around it a side. As well as Jamgick.

B) Real Jamgihism.

Realists believe in Jamgick as well as orthodox Jamgiman and their main difference is they don’t smoke the pot. It has been just after the war – many citizens had seen that they were able to live without pot and it was quite good and it was even healthy, because nobody forbade drinking beer. In some months after the war some plantations with hemp were closed and there was hop planted. Realists understand that the excessive use of hemp reduce to moral decay of jamgimen, but at the same time they consider that at the higher level of society’s development it will be possible to live without pot.

C) Alternativists have joined two previous movements in one new movement which became the most progressive (but not the most veritable in understanding of orthodoxies). Alternativists stopped to smoke pot and recognized Jamgick as a dude – as in materialism. In short, they have united 2 steams and became as atheists (not in all but they did it). In the doctrine they are based all on the same war. About it tells their slogan “Without the pot and Jamgick, but with life”. From concepts of Moishe they took only morally-ethical (if so it is possible to call them). Despite of such split, jamgihism unlike other religions hasn’t broken up, and continued to exist, as it there was the most democratic religion at that time.

Hashish concluded the alliance with representatives of all currents jamgihism and has collected “Council of beliefs” which has designated near future contours. It has served the creation in the future in Jamgiland the first communistic state in the world.

11. On unreal types to Pupkin Mumbling.

Nearly in 50 years in Jamgiland the presidential elections was organized, and orthodox Avtol Kamasutrov won. But he was killed by the mercenary, employed by militant neighbour of Jamgimen – kingdom of Vaflogonia. Vaflogonia has coveted for a long time prospering and peace Jamgiland.

But forces were unequal, and they have wanted to bring distemper in republic. Soon there were intense situation on the border of two states. Jamgick party of national liberation, named by Hashish, has sent fighting detached forces to the country borders. Then, the people’s volunteer corps was organized in republic, which was headed by Pupkin Mumbling, the football player of local team “Spartak” (Ahalay-Mahalay). Soon residents of Vaflogonia have decided that it will be too dangerousto war and have sent heavy tank artillery to the line of borders. Our folk were not armed with such thingamajigs, but we surpassed the enemy in number. In the morning of the fifth day Pupkin left to border with a red flag, on which “Fucking Vaflogonia” was written. In response, residents of Vaflogonia have sent the detached force “Golopas”, armed cap-á-pie. It was difficult for Pupkin to withdraw, and he accepted battle in jungle nearby. It looks like he might be faced bigger difficulties playing football (especially in matches with CSKA – there were more boundless fights in general, the list of victims exceeds some thousands among them —footballers, fans, cops and casual passers-by). Now he also has made an attempt to interrupt these birdbrains by turns. At first he has got the old revolver that was presented to him by his grandfather, who was the veteran of People’s Commissariat of Internal Affairs. Mumbling learned different barbarities from his grandpa, which he wanted to apply. Having used radio to call reinforcement, he took cover in the tree cave and began to shoot scuts, screaming “You won’t escape! Punishing eye of hell will rip out your heart. I appeal to your stinking bodies to leave this perishable earth, otherwise judgment of Great Lord will be inevitable. Fanatics, you’ve come to chasten us, but you goofed up. You’ve got no brain-box to put your thinking-cap on! Ha-ha-ha!” While Mumbling was talking that bull shit, thought out just on the spot, the reinforcement group “Good guys” rushed through the overgrowth of poppy. So long and full of fun that rushing was… Captivating odor was suppressing the attack, but when Mumbling began to speak on the importance of cannabis cultivation in conditions of the far north, our folk approached to the “boneheads” from the back. Sudden attack provoked hand-to-hand fight. Pupkin rushed out from the tree cave and kicked the reproductive organ of one scut. Of course it was inhumane, but it’s war… “Good” were kicking scuts’ asses actively. They were striking their heads and kidneys with legs. Then, after pronouncing the watchword “Keep in mind – I’m not kind. Bump off the fags!”, they began committing such barbarities as “kidney extraction”, “splitting of peroneal bone into 4”, “sucking out of brain”, and (my favourite) “ear lobes and nostrils evulsion with obligatory feeding them to the victim”. In short, people had a lot of fun… Having sent bodies of the scutsto their camp, our folk were tarrying for the reaction. Corpses came to the enemy camp with the ultimatum, in short, its meaning was “You mother fuckers, wanna pop off the hooks in the same way? Fuck off! You’ll be fucked up! We’ll come in the morning and will rip out your nostrils”. The scuts were unreal dudes and dumped a load, so the territory became contaminated at least for forty years. Having left all the armaments, these bozos ran off from our great land and they had never appeared not only in Jamgiland, butin the world history as well. A whisper goes round that they have committed mass act of hara-kiri. Meanwhile the Jamgimen, having captured enemy tank corps, made a madhouse of the republic. Pupkin Mumbling became the President during the next elections and another peaceful period started in the life of our republic.