Array MaRiCaBo - The World of Unicellular. This Book is a Medicine from Moronity

When a unicellular is talking to the Lord, it is called Prayer,

but when the Lord is talking to a unicellular, it is called Schizophrenia.

Anecdote

But let us get back to the World of Unicellular… How was it created?!? Well, there is a theory… About the one who has created those unicellular along with their world (actually, their turmoil) … The theory was developed by a great poster called Shiga (rated as Spartacian). By the time of our discovery of his great Unicellular World Creation Theory, he had already made as much as 3110 posts. He is from Sarani. And his theory is from there too.

Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 1:40 am

Post subject: The official religions of the Flash Mob party.

Jamgihism. Introduction

Me, “Guru”, Farid Al-Sarani Ibn Rinat Ibn Halfimulla Ibn Harryfulla Ibn Gurubuddhas present a new faith to all those living on the Earth. This is a religion which is the kindof a prophecy written from the words of an anonymous guy. Let’s call him this way – the Dude – just to be precise. So the Dude revealed a horrible story to me – the whole world is created by Jamgick – the God of Pot and Moochingaround who is the highest being as far as a real Jamgiman understands it. Well, I did write the story but in a condition the Dude was any folk could have made a hash of it. In short, believe me or not but it goes as follows.

The book of Jamgihism. Chapter one or the Holiest book about life, things and him.

1. How Jamgick created the World.

At first there was a word and the word was (actually two words) – Wonna gorge! There was Jamgick, a good fella who was living peacefully in one of the ghettos of the Universe until buggers got to him. Give away, they say, all the pot you have. And Jamgick told “mother fucker” and there was “mother fucker”. Jamgick took a gun tube and smacked some bugger on the dome and there started butchery. Blood, flying bodies and teeth on the concrete. To cut it short, Jamgick bumped the buggers off and there was nowhere to bury them, so, damn it, he created the Earth and settled down there, grew pot and other grass to make life brighter or else you can’t get fried up. He created vegetables and beasts of all kinds just to nibble on them. Some kinds of donkeys were created – just to take a few examples – hipplohonuses and damnasayisits. Then he took to making topography (what a superb designer he was). He went to stool – there you have America. He spread out his pot to dry it – there you have Kazakhstan. He founda place to cool his booze – there you have Russia. So, he tortured our poor old Earth in a big way. He lived on and all the time he lacked imagination as for human elements. For the time being…

2. How Jamgick has created all this people?

In short, Jamgick sat on a stone, read Charles Marx and smoked pot. Well, he became woozy and had some glitches. In such condition of complete detachment Jamgick also has created Admin and Pleva (according to the image of his glitches). Admin and Pleva were rubbing along the same as ever around the Chujsky valley. Jamgick spoke: “Live on a horse-radish, even do not pay the rent. But remember, if you smoke pot from a sacred tree of Hemp, a piss-up will be with you on a horse-radish. Ask Mahmud fora pot”. So, Admin and Pleva lived and lived till they have smoked all pot of Mahmud. And Mahmud did not collect a new crop, a bastard. So, comes and speaks to the Admin and Pleva: “Why do you behave as Chupakabras? There are much pot on sacred tree, and Jamgick will grow up more – he is a great master of his business”. So, they also have blown a sacred pot, and they were so flattened and covered that they have departed from the Chujsky valley to Magadan. Jamgick has told: “And! fucking hempsmokers, caught it at last! Well, live as you want. It is up to you, but never cross the threshold of my place.”

3. On Stone and Afiga.

Admin and Pleva have moved more to the centre and have lodged at one pusher’s summer residence. They had two sons – Stone (in honour of a stone, on which Jamgick sat while creating people) and Afig (A fig knows why he was named in such a way!). Stone traded at east market, and Afig – on western. Stone was doing quite bad, it was necessary even to pledge the house in “Currencies-transits”. And Afig at the same time bought Audi. Wow!!! So, Stone rated on Afig to cops, saying that his brother sells moonshine. In short, Stone was a rat. Oh! And Jamgick speaks: “Do not rat on, do not polish off and do not bump off other men”.

4. About Gnoah and his steamboat.

The dudes were rubbing along the same as ever. They were reveling so much that even things get a little wild and wooly. But somehow many guys began to treat themselves to some moonshine, cocaine and acid. Jamgick looked around, inhaled and said: “Hey, dudes, you are flipped over. I’ll get you done”. And decided to send all them to the damned bottom. But still not all of them. There was a guy, called Gnoah. So he was a true fan of Jamgick and a follower, so were his relatives. In short, Jamgick told him: “Let’s cut the bullshit, soon there will be a flood – all the central regions will be damned submerged. Weather forecast will inform nothing. In short, build the steamboat, take your relatives, and different animals to eat, and get out of here as soon as possible”. Gnoah built the steamboat and called it “Titanic”, dragged different animals and sailed along the lines of Turkish coast. Suddenly it rained and everything was submerged. They didn’t sailed to Turkey, portable radio set didn’t work – game over, in short. People sailed, smoke pot, ate the half of the animals. After their gorging the dinosaurs disappeared, and Yeti, Heffalumps, mammoths too and other membersof “Red List” of that time. Sometime in September they stopped (the coal ended up). What to do? They let out the parrot, called one-eyed Jabberwocky, who flew back in few hours with twig of hemp. It flew back smiling, blinking with one eye and said: “There are Armenians, growing hemp”. Gnoah says: “What is the shit with you, bla-bla, fly again and take the wonga, bring everything!”. In short after few days they boarded near the mountain Ararat (it’s named in honor of the football club) and founded the city of Chubankan.

5. About Araman and bunko.

Jamgimen were just living and puffing. Their town Chubankan was really prospering, even the Olympiad was taking place there.

But Jamgick decided to check whether local authority, well-known by everybody as Araman (he is probably Armenian), would bunko him. Jamgick is coming to Araman and saying: “You think that you are the real jamgiman. I think so too, but I doubt this a little bit. In short, I decided to check… Shit… I needto think up something… OK… You and your son Ssuck won’t be smoking pot for one year. You can trade it, cultivate it but don’t dare to smoke it or in that case I will come and fuck up your business”. Araman doesn’t really have a predilection for pot, but his son does… In short, it was rather hard task. When Ssuck came home he saw that his father was in mourning.

– What happened, kingpin? Did footpads were bothering you? —Ssuck said.

– Oh no, sonny, Jamgick, damn it, was here. He tells that we are not able to smoke pot for whole year.

– Motherfucker! OK, father, if Jamgick has said. Are we louts? We are if we won’t listen to him. Do you understand that bunko is the rotten business?

– You are telling the real thing, sonny. Let it be.

So, they hadn’t been smoking for a whole year. And than Jamgick came to their house and have gave them pipe, so they smoked together selected Hawaiian pot. Araman became the real jamgiman since that time, because he didn’t disobey the Jamgick order.

6. On maturganchiks.

Chubankan became the capital of Jamgick National Republic. All people were prospering, but suddenly their lousy competitors showed up in the shape of malicious maturganchiks.