Lori Ostlund - After the Parade

“How could I possibly forget?” he said. “I spent half our stay trying to talk Walter into responding.”

“Because you couldn’t bear not knowing what they needed hairy white men for. Also, that was a rhetorical ‘remember,’ ” she said. “Oh, and remember — rhetorical again — that short couple from San Francisco we kept ending up on the elevator with? Every time we got on, there they were, dressed in matching outfits and grinning.”

“Panama hats. White linen shirts with khaki pants.”

“You forgot the matching fanny packs,” Winnie said. “The first thing they said to us was ‘you might want to exchange those purses and wallets for fanny packs. We’re not in Kansas anymore.’ They laughed hysterically, and when we didn’t laugh back, they said, ‘That’s from The Wizard of Oz, ’ as though we weren’t laughing because we’d missed the allusion, to which you replied, lying earnestly, ‘I’ve never seen the film. My mother forbade all sorcery-themed cinema.’ ”

“Walter was so mad at me.”

“At both of us,” Winnie said. “He always thought I encouraged you.”

“Which you did. Remember how he walked way ahead of us all the way to breakfast, and then he refused to eat anything? I don’t know why he always thought that he was somehow punishing us by refusing to eat.”

“That place had the best congee,” Winnie said. “Oh, and when we got back to the hotel that afternoon, they were on the elevator again. ‘I’m afraid we didn’t introduce ourselves this morning,’ the woman said. ‘This is Robert.’ And he said, ‘This is Roberta,’ and in unison they said, ‘We’re from San Francisco, the city by the bay.’ Then Walter introduced the three of us, and when they pieced together that I was his sister, not his wife, and that you and Walter lived in Albuquerque, together, the husband said, ‘We just love gay people, being from Frisco and all.’ And you said—”

Aaron groaned. “I said, ‘Yes, they’re adorable, aren’t they?’ You know I only say things like that when you’re around. I felt awful about it later because they were nice people, Robert and Roberta. They meant well, and I’d much rather deal with people who’re maybe a little awkward about their good intentions than with those who lack good intentions altogether.”

Winnie was still laughing — except, he realized, she was not. She was sobbing, the two sounds so similar that, on the telephone, there was almost no way to tell them apart, but he could because he knew Winnie, knew that when she laughed, she gave herself up to it completely, but when she cried, she was always fighting to stop.

“I’m sorry, Winnie,” he said, which could mean sorry he had left Walter or sorry he had not told her he was going or sorry he had made her cry; he meant all three. They had always ended telephone conversations the same way, with one of them saying, “Chow mein,” a small joke at the expense of Walter, who ended all conversations with ciao . Aaron waited for Winnie to say it, but the line was dead.

* * *

By six fifteen, Aaron stood in the driveway, finger on the garage door opener, watching the door make its slow, stubborn descent. It took nineteen seconds — he had timed it — which meant that he spent an hour each month waiting for the door to open and close. Once, when he was already running late, it had rolled off its tracks. He’d considered leaving it like that, halfway down, and going off to work. He would have, but he knew that the Ngs would terminate his lease, so he knocked on their door, and Mrs. Ng, whom he rarely saw but whose angry voice he knew well, came out with a hammer and screwdriver and expertly maneuvered it back on track.

It had rained throughout the night. He heard the thwomp of sneakers on wet pavement behind him and turned with his finger still on the control, expecting the elderly Chinese woman who walked her portly Pekingese in her robe, but it was a white woman with a Saran Wrap — like scarf binding her hair.

“I found you,” the woman called out cheerfully as she stepped toward him and raised a gun. She looked just like his mother, or rather, what he imagined his mother must look like now. Behind him, the garage door jerked up and down like a beast in its death throes, but he could not let go of the button, could not stop thinking, My mother hates guns, as if a person could disappear for twenty-four years yet stay the same.

“I’ve been waiting all night, you rascal,” she said, her finger moving against the trigger.

A stream of water hit his tie, the tie Walter had given him, and splashed his neck. It was cold, and he was alive, and the woman was not his mother. He gasped.

“I got you,” she cried out as the garage door bounced once more before the opener slipped from his hand and broke open on the pavement. Aaron fell to his knees. “Are you okay?” she asked.

He looked up at the woman towering over him who had stepped out of the mist and shot him with a water pistol — a deadly looking water pistol — on his birthday. He saw now that she resembled his mother in only the most superficial of ways, a fleeting impression suggested by height and age and big bones. Her name, he learned later, was Agnes Nyquist. She was sixty-six, his mother’s age, and had moved to San Francisco from Council Bluffs, Iowa, when she was thirty-four. But before he knew any of this, she was a woman offering him her hand, saying, “Dustin, let me help you up.”

“My name is Aaron,” he said. “Aaron Englund.”

“No,” she said, insisting. “You’re Dustin. It took me two days to find you. You’re my next target.” She reached into her purse and brought out a photo of a man who was tall and thin. His hair was blond, and he was holding a small dog.

“That’s not me,” said Aaron. “I don’t even like dogs.”

“Oh dear,” said the woman. She compared Aaron to the man in the photograph and seemed to accept that it was not him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m trying to win the prize.”

“What prize?” he asked gently.

“I’m competing in StreetWars,” she said. “I’m one of the last assassins alive, but this really puts me behind.”

“Perhaps you can explain StreetWars to me,” he said. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s simple,” she said. “Everyone’s an assassin. We’re given the name and photo of another assassin, and we need to hunt him down and shoot him with one of these.” She held up her water pistol. “The problem is that someone else is trying to get us at the same time.” She looked over her shoulder and back at him. “Actually, we’re not part of the official StreetWars. We’re a renegade group. A lot of us are retired or don’t work regular jobs, so we’ve got all day to track each other. We don’t give out addresses, so there’s more research involved. And we make our own pot.”

“Pot?” He pictured a band of unemployed and elderly stoners running amok in the city with squirt guns, but he found the image hard to reconcile with this woman standing in front of him, her Saran Wrap — like scarf still snugly in place.

“Winner takes all,” she said.

“Ah. That kind of pot. How much are you playing for?”

She lowered her voice. “There were a hundred of us when we started, and we each put in $500, so that’s—”

“That’s $50,000,” Aaron said.

“Yup,” Agnes said. “And there are just eight of us left.” She turned and looked behind her again, checking to see that she was not being followed. “I don’t suppose I could use your facilities?” she said.

“What? My bathroom?” he said. “I guess that’s fine. I don’t usually have guests.”

“I’m not really a guest,” she said.