Sam Pink - The Self-Esteem Holocaust Comes Home

Down Syndrome Man falls again. The black pool grows again. Ezzard and Fanon watch the looping video in silence.

EZZARD: [staring at tv] I don’t want to leave because I am worried this house is in outer space and I’ll die if I walk out the door.

FANON: [tries to walk] Alright, that’s it [swaying in the middle of the kitchen] I’m going to eat the poptart then.

The video continues to loop in silence. Behind them in the livingroom, an old woman gets out of the dryer. She closes the dryer, then walks through the livingroom to the kitchen. She wears sweatpants tucked into dinosaur slippers. No shirt on. In the kitchen she takes a cookie from a plastic bin near the stove. She leans over the stove and bites the cookie, letting crumbs falls from her mouth to beneath the burners where all the other crumbs are already black. She walks back to the dryer and gets in. Ezzard and Fanon watch, swaying and falling over.

FANON: [eating poptart, trying not to fall again] All humans have faces and that’s what makes them hard to hate.

EZZARD: For me, that’s how I keep track of the ones I hate.

Fanon nods, chewing. He puts the last corner of the poptart in his mouth then ties the garbagebag together, removes it. He tries not to fall. The bottom of the bag rips and a can of spaghetti sauce hits the carpet. It leaves a huge stain.

EZZARD: [swaying, falls hard] Oh my God. What happened [slowly, staring at stain] What happened?

FANON: [staring at stain] I know. What happened?

Fanon takes an aerosol can out of the cabinet and sprays carpet-cleaning foam on the stain. The foam expands.

FANON: [watching the foam expand, his hands on his knees] Look, it’s a cloud.

EZZARD: [watching too, hands on knees] Yes it’s very pretty.

FANON: Yes, it is very pretty. I need to eat part of that cloud [reconsidering] I want to at least. Seeing that I have lived this long without eating part of a cloud, I don’t think I really need to. I probably just want to.

EZZARD: Yes [falls, stands slowly] Do it. I want to see that. Eat part of it. Come on. It’s too nice not to eat. And I’m not hungry. You eat it.

Fanon kneels down and scoops pieces of the cloud out with his tongue and he eats them. He cringes, but keeps eating.

FANON: [swallowing away the burning feeling] It feels good in my belly. I like that it’s there. There are people having picnics in my stomach. And the people having picnics are getting their shade now. And they are thanking me [nodding, looking at floor] Yeah this feels good.

EZZARD: [swaying] Their shade never comes.

Fanon doesn’t respond. He stares at the carpet. The muscles move around in his face as he grinds his teeth and jaw, staring at the foam but not really noticing it. He takes slow breathes in an attempt to avoid vomiting.

EZZARD: [pointing at foam] It is still the same size. It’s like we’re not here. Why is it ignoring us? [loudly] There is no way to control it. What should we do?

FANON: [exhales, audibly] The cloud is bigger than both of us. There is no way to kill it. [falls face-first into foam, pushes himself up slowly]

EZZARD: [kneeling too] Keep trying. Please. Keep eating it; it has to get smaller. It will get smaller if you keep eating it. Just keep trying.

FANON: [gags, eyes water] When the cloud is all gone, we will forget why we wanted it gone.

EZZARD: I don’t care at all. Just do what I told you to do.

They stare, on hands and knees, watching the cloud to see if it will keep getting bigger. A group of people enters the room, from down the hall. The people go to sleep on the floor.

EZZARD: [standing and trying not to fall] I think I’m going to leave now. I am not scared of stepping into outer space anymore. It doesn’t matter.

Ezzard steps over someone now sleeping on the floor. And a few steps in departure, Fanon pushes him into the wall. His body goes halfway into the wall. And dust powders the floor.

FANON: [hiccups, winces] I’m sorry. I am really sorry. I mean that [gags, coughs] It must’ve been something I ate. It must’ve been the cloud I ate. I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry [extends his hand] Seriously.

Ezzard removes himself from the wall, wincing. Holding his limp arm.

EZZARD: That’s ok. I understand.

FANON: Will you help me fix the wall at least? [in sing-song] I’ll-be-nice [puts hands up] I won’t do anything mean again. Swear to God.

PERSON SLEEPING ON FLOOR: [back turned] Keep it fucking down.

ANOTHER PERSON SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR: Seriously.

EZZARD: [touching bruised arm] I will help you. Because I don’t want the indentation of my body to be here forever.

They leave, and return with a piece of drywall and a saw. More people come in and sleep.

FANON: Hold it while I cut [loudly, face close to Ezzard] Hold it fucking still [shakes the drywall]

He runs the saw along the drywall and accidentally cuts into the webbing of Ezzard’s thumb and forefinger. The saw sinks in two rubbery pulls, very deep.

EZZARD: [pulls away, looks at ragged bluish cut] Wait [coughs] Hold on.

FANON: [looking at Ezzard’s bloody hand] I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I apologize to you [swaying]

EZZARD: It’s ok. I understand

He lifts his foot and, using his sock, tries to clean bloodstain off the new drywall. His hand drips to the floor and onto the sleeping people.

EZZARD: [falls, stands] Let’s just finish this. Let’s just finish this so I can leave.

They finish fitting the drywall. The border is apparent, and in the middle of the new segment, a red stain smeared in a smoky blotch.

EZZARD: [seeing stain on the wall] I think I am going to go now even though I might be stepping into outerspace. Bye.

FANON: [lifting foot from between sleeping people] I’ll go with you. I don’t want to be here [almost falls over a sleeping body] Wait.

Ezzard and Fanon leave through the front door, walking over the people sleeping on the floor. They walk to a middleschool playground. The middle school’s sign says: “Hav a g eat summr every1”

EZZARD: [getting on swing] Hav a geat summr.

FANON: I will, I promise [beginning to swing] Hey, give me an underdog. Do you know how to do an underdog?

EZZARD: [jumps off the swing, falls] I certainly do sir.

FANON: [head slightly turned] Don’t touch me though. I won’t like that. Even if it’s an accident.

After three pushes Ezzard stops and sits in the woodchips, watching Fanon reach up with his feet. In the middle of the playground area there’s an abandoned sandal, with a cartoon rhino on the front. The sandal is dirty and ripped. Ezzard watches it as Fanon starts to tell a joke. Halfway through the joke, Ezzard stops paying attention. He rubs his ear, wincing a little. Then he laughs when a pause suggests Fanon is expecting him to laugh.

EZZARD: I wish that when they left the house earlier that it was outerspace. Although [pause] maybe it was.

FANON: Huh? [swinging high] Faces are how I keep track of the humans I like. And smiling is how I keep track of the faces I have not failed.

EZZARD: [kicking woodchips at sandal] Smiling is fantastic and wonderful, but sometimes it is too much.

FANON: [looking up at sky] So you don’t want that deer spine? How will you keep the evil away?

EZZARD: No I don’t want the evil to be an orphan [grabs ankles and crosses legs] I don’t.

Quiet. There is a little wind. And they let themselves become part of the giant background that includes the rest of material objects — not different. Neither of them fight it. They sit and enjoy it.

An apartment. A male ghost and a female ghost are sitting on a couch in the livingroom. They are not looking at each other. There is a hallway off the side.