Sam Pink - The Self-Esteem Holocaust Comes Home

The woman looks at the floor, wiping her chin with the blanket.

MAN: You are quiet now.

WOMAN: I am hoping our weight will make the bed fall into the earth.

MAN: I know what you mean.

A breeze pulls the blinds towards the outside. The man in the raincoat is still watching them.

The livingroom of an empty apartment, lights off. A man wearing a bathrobe sits on the tilefloor. His phone vibrates next to him and he picks it up. Stares at it.

MAN IN BATHROBE: Hello?

OTHER PERSON: Hey.

MAN IN BATHROBE: [looks around, can’t see anything] Who is this?

OTHER PERSON: Hey, you want to go to a concert tonight? I’m meeting up with a bunch of people downtown and they’re celebrating somebody’s birthday — or, I don’t know — and we’re going to a bar, then this concert. You want to go?

The man in the bathrobe looks at the dead bugs on his floor and the crumbs covering the bottoms of his feet. He puts the phone to his other ear and flicks some of the crumbs off his feet. He doesn’t respond. He notices a cricket moving across the floor in awkward, sideways flips.

OTHER PERSON: So did you want—

MAN IN BATHROBE: There’s a cricket on my floor [leaning forward] I think its leg is broken maybe.

OTHER PERSON: What are you talking about?

MAN IN BATHROBE: [flicks more crumbs, aiming at cricket] It keeps trying to move but it can’t.

OTHER PERSON: [pause] I don’t care.

MAN IN BATHROBE: It can’t move.

He looks out the window in his kitchen. The trees outside are thin. They shake violently. But are quiet.

MAN IN BATHROBE: I’m thinking about killing it [long pause] the cricket. Or maybe I should just let it go beneath the cabinet [crosses legs beneath him] Then it’ll have to starve to die, but that can be done alone. Then again, I could kill it [seems to be talking to himself now] I definitely could kill it. Easily. There was another cricket in my bathtub, last night I think. Are you listening? [pause] There are a lot of crickets in my apartment. I want you to hear about the cricket in the bathtub [switches hands and scratches sore ear] ok, so I went to brush my teeth last night and there was a cricket, on the lower curve of the tub. It just sat there, looking straight up, like, “fuck, what now?” I know bugs probably don’t have any emotions, but, maybe. It’s whole body looked like an emotion. Does that make sense? [to himself] Not sure. Are you listening? I could see words or feelings just by looking at it. I watched it for a while and then washed it down the drain. And that was that.

The man in the bathrobe flicks crumbs off his feet and watches the shaking trees. A small twig hits his window. Then there is quiet.

OTHER PERSON: Do you want to come out with us then?

MAN IN BATHROBE: Ok [clears throat] I’ll go. Even though I don’t know who you are. Even though I hate you. I’ll go [stands] But I’m just going out to kill time. If I spend one more minute alone, I might put my head through the kitchen window in an attempt to become sleep. Would that even work? [seems to remember phone] Alright? Alright so, I’ll go. But I hate you and — I hate you.

OTHER PERSON: When should we pick you up? Are you ready now?

The man in the bathrobe looks at the floor again for the cricket, but can’t find it. He rubs crumbs off his foot again, balancing on one leg.

MAN IN BATHROBE: Give me like ten minutes to get dressed—

The other end hangs up. Sound of dead line.

MAN IN BATHROBE: [still holding phone to his ear] Actually I can’t remember if I own any clothing now or not. Seems hard to remember [confused] Maybe I could cover my body with the crumbs and the bugs. They will cover me when I sleep anyway. They can be my clothing. They will always be there.

He throws the phone against the wall and walks through the kitchen, out the front door. Outside, he stands on his doorstep and stares over the wooden fence at the trees. There is a garbagebag stuck in one of the trees. He stares at the garbagebag.

MAN IN BATHROBE: [points at garbagebag] The garbagebag will always be there [pause, hand back at side] The garbagebag will always be there.

Sound of people walking down the sidewalk. The man in the bathrobe kneels below his wooden fence. Through a slat in the wooden fence, he watches the sidewalk. There’s a group of girls hugging each other out front of an apartment across from his. They all carry gifts. The girl at the door lets them into the orange light of her apartment.

MAN IN BATHROBE: Her and her orange light will always be there.

Still kneeling, he watches them through the fence and the window, into the orange light. Their voices mute, he can see them smiling and laughing and making gestures with their hands. He watches them talk, holding his bathrobe closed. At one point he ducks down as if someone has seen him.

MAN IN BATHROBE: I wish I had shoes, or knew where my shoes were. Are the people here to pick me up? [pause] The people will always be there to pick me up.

He returns to watching the girls, holding his bathrobe closed.

MAN IN BATHROBE: I wonder if I’ll ever be a grandfather.

A single story house. Halloween party. Crowds of people in or around the house. In one of the rooms, by herself, there is a girl dressed like the sun, sitting on her bed looking at a stuffed whale on the floor.

GIRL SUN: I’m going to kill myself [nudges stuffed whale with toe] Hey, you, stupid fucking stuffed whale — I’m going to kill you, then myself. That’s how it will be, you know? First you, then me, and then us both. Done. Hey, stupid fucking stuffed whale guy. Do you want to see it? Huh? I bet you want to see it. You want to see it happen [stepping on stuffed whale] I used to feel gross after you would come in me. Now I feel like it doesn’t matter. I just feel a little uncomfortable, like when your leg touches the shower curtain and feels the cold from older drops. Fuck you. You ruined me. Hey, whale man—

Sound of people talking outside her bedroom window, bush branches hitting the frame. The girl dressed like the sun gets off her bed and looks out the window. From below, near a bush, a person dressed like a happy face is taking the time to assist another person dressed like a frowning face. They kneel down and lie next to each other underneath the bush.

FROWNING FACE: It’s so dark under here. Will there be flowers here then?

HAPPY FACE: No, there will not. There will be nothing here [puts arms around the person dressed like a frowning face and spoons her] Just me and you. With our magnet eyelashes.

Then from above there is intense light. They squint and look up. And in the window stands the girl dressed like the sun.

HAPPY FACE: [looking up through branches of bush] The sun always promises more. It is never pretty.

FROWNING FACE: [covers eyes with hand] Yeah, go away.

In the window, the girl dressed like the sun is quiet. She shakes her head, tearing up. Then she leaves her room, enters the crowded main area of the house. The house is filled with people. There’s a person dressed like Frederick Douglas, someone dressed like an Oreo, a large group of people dressed like priests, someone dressed like a KKK member with an afro, a giant worm on the ground writhing, comprising multiple people, and others dressed like nothing. Many others. The girl dressed like the sun gets mixed in, passing the priests spread quietly across the main area. And in walks a girl wearing a pet store employee shirt.

PRIEST: [reaching out] Hey, you work at the pet store for real?

PET STORE GIRL: Yeah.

PRIEST: Alright good — got a little question for you then [puts thin cigar out on wall] Can you feed a goldfish cookies? Or, uh, juice? To keep it alive I mean.