Josep Maria de Sagarra - Private Life

When the commentaries died down, Miquel the essayist, his face illuminated by a watermelon-red light, set to reading his mind-numbing piece. Níobe, Amèlia, Teodora, Senyora Sabater and the Comte made a great effort to read the papers. Ten minutes into the reading, all the air had left the room. But in the dark hallways of the Passeig de la Bonanova, amid clinical porcelains and atop examination tables, the entire crew of poets and idlers, including Conxita, Adela, and two married ladies, applied themselves to reproducing Níobe’s dances. Off in a corner, one of Senyora Casulleres’s nieces and Sabartés the poet channeled her rhythms in a much more human fashion. The niece let out a shriek like that of a wounded swallow.

Miquel the essayist was on page forty-three and the Comte de Sallès had still not lost his polite composure. When the essayist finished, the whole apartment trembled in a Sardanapalian shudder. Salazar the banker had not wasted any of his time with Senyora Casulleres. Níobe was pleased with her success.

The widow Baronessa de Falset was the first to take her leave, escorted by Guillem de Lloberola. They got into the baronessa’s car and went to a studio on Carrer de Casanova.

On the way, Guillem said to the baronessa:

“I don’t know how you put up with this rubbish. Never again, I swear, never. You’re a big girl. If you find these things entertaining, you can go by yourself. I’m not going to be part of it. I can understand why Teodora would enjoy it. She’s played all her cards, it would be hard for her to find someone who treated her as she might like, so naturally she’s not very particular about where she finds her entertainment. But you … You’re much too intelligent, too thoughtful, to mix with all this scum.

People with a little taste and common sense just laugh all of this off. Níobe is no one and nothing. Any tart who dances in a music hall is cleverer than she is. If it weren’t for Miquel’s pedantic articles no one would even know she existed. Have you ever seen such a pompous ass? Do you think such claptrap should be tolerated in times like this? After all, who are these people who decided that Níobe was a sensation? Is there a single serious person among them? Teodora, poor Teodora, just wants to be in vogue … what does she know? And Professor Pinós is a fool, and Casulleres an idiot! Do you think I enjoy hearing a bunch of chars and gossips pretending to be refined? No, I swear, never again. Ask what you want of me, but not this. When I see you smile and take an interest in trashy pornography like this Níobe, you seem ridiculous, disgusting …”

The more overwrought Guillem got, the cruder his language got, and the widow baronessa drew first her neck, then her cheek, then her lips close to Guillem’s lips. Swayed by the perfection of her skin, Guillem loosened up until all his cholera dissolved into closed eyes and a slow kiss.

AFTER THE SUICIDE OF the Baró de Falset, Guillem’s life began to make sense to him. That dose of cold water to his pectorals flushed the lymph from his soul. Till then he had been a child playing at perversity. When he came to, he entered a danger zone: he could sink into a grotesque remorse, continuing to behave like a debauched child, as before, but now with the sham of tears and smarmy cowardice. There was also the danger of his accepting in good faith that he had been the murderer of the Baró de Falset. Fortunately, a well-timed cold shower had made a man of him. Not a good man, by any means. Guillem carried all the mildew of the Lloberola family in his heart.

When Guillem had been with Conxa Pujol at the stylist’s house, he had perceived a magnificent body, a dazzling criolla. But other things interfered. The affair was too base and contemptible for Guillem’s thoughts to have been elevated toward a luminous sphere. It wasn’t until Hortènsia Portell’s party that Guillem understood who the baronessa was. He had had to see the reaction the woman produced in an elegant cage. To see how men’s virility responded to the sight of her, the admiring tremble in their eyes, the contained desire in their breath. He had had to observe how the baronessa took a punch in that silent, polite sexual bout, to see how her arms, her lips and her diamonds counterpunched, giving no ground, dashing every hope. It was there, in her evening gown, with all the restraint of formal dress, and all her solitary strength, without the shameful appendix of her husband, that the Baronessa de Falset fully revealed herself to a young man who, camouflaged in the scouring rags of sordid abjection, had still been able to appreciate like no one else there the full effect of the implacable tragedy of a beautiful woman. That night Guillem’s true struggle began. He had no baggage, for this combat was non-existent, because Guillem’s familiarity with the baronessa was limited to two afternoons, and nothing more. Guillem didn’t know what kind of beast he was risking his happiness on. With Conxa Pujol Guillem had only his instincts to rely on, and Conxa was no ordinary woman.

The death of her husband had almost scuttled the whole thing, but Guillem’s ambitions found the right response. His pain was evaporating; the specter of the Baró de Falset had disappeared. In his insomnia, Guillem never again felt the presence of that cadaver by his side, snoring lubriciously, with a thread of blood trickling from the bullet hole. In his moments of insomnia, in the place of that terrifying neighbor Guillem sensed by his side a dense bouquet of gardenias with the smell of a woman.

The baronessa had been a widow for three months. The scandal of her husband’s suicide had been the subject of much and varied commentary. In some conversations, people had gotten pretty warm, coming fairly close to the motive behind the catastrophe. But it was only in a vague way, with no precise details, because in point of fact none of them knew anything beyond the ravings of the baron a few days before he put the bullet in his head. It was natural that no one lent any credence to these ravings, because everyone thought the baron had gone mad. The cause of his mental disorder was a secret known to only one person, and this person, as we have said, kept silent at the time and forever after. After the first stage, things began to be forgotten. The widow baronessa slowly began to regain her own natural color and the characteristic color of her makeup. Teodora, Hortènsia, and other friends kept her company. She found ways to distract herself and not speak of the tragedy. In her heart of hearts, Conxa had been freed of the most disagreeable weight upon her life and began breathing freely. Her black mourning clothes made her all the more fascinating.

Three months after the suicide, Guillem de Lloberola pounced. The baronessa hardly knew him. At the Ritz and at Hortènsia’s party, Guillem had only crossed a few words with her. He was just one among the very many, and he supposed that Conxa would not remember him.

The way he approached Conxa was not at all dramatic. He stopped her in the middle of the street, positioning himself by her side, like those ne’er-do-wells who go after the first girl who comes along, trying to start a dialogue that rarely goes beyond a sad, brief monologue, because the woman doesn’t even bother to turn her head. Guillem did just that, in front of a shop window, when Conxa stopped to examine some refrigerators. For a practitioner of storefront eroticism, the objects that had caught Conxa’s interest in the shop window would have offered an opportunity to speak of the cold shoulder and the frozen heart of an insensitive woman. Guillem almost succumbed to the temptation of the visual suggestions and images, but he didn’t say any of those things. He simply showed her a fifty-pesseta bill, assuring her that he had seen it fall from her purse. Conxa glanced at her purse, the clasp in place. She opened it, checked the money in it, and thanked Guillem, insisting he was mistaken.