Jeffery Allen - Holding Pattern - Stories

Lee put the bodies in two liquor crates. Buried them in the yard behind the house. Took the money from the safe. Slipped inside the blue truck. Drove north.

The city didn’t surprise Lee. But the light was different. Every day he could taste the sun on his tongue like salt.

To save his money, he got himself a small studio apartment, drank water, and ate peanuts and liver sausage. Managed the Red Rooster, a greasy chicken joint, while attending business school at night. Concentrated on accounting and systems analysis. Finished school. Found employment with BAM, Black Accountants on the Move, and, when the opportunity came, bought the Black Widow Exterminating Company. Thought sharp. Dressed sharp. Slapped on the best cologne. Knew he could impress no one with his face. Then he met Loretta.

She was nineteen.

Stood, dark, behind the cashier’s counter at the Lucky Seven, a small grocery store. (As he would learn, she lived in a small room above the store. Slept on a bed with a thin mattress. Stacks of spirit-filled books crowded the room from floor to ceiling.) Yes, dark. Almost black. Had she survived a fire? Her hair short. Her body thin. Even thinner in baggy men’s chinos. She had large black eyes that made you want to look into them.

As a first step in resurrecting his new company, Lee developed new products that could be sold to the average customer. His chemists had started a new product, Rat Hotel — it would soon spark the public’s interest and put the company back on its feet — and Lee was personally bringing it to stores and asking store owners to give free samples to customers.

Is the owner in?

No.

Lee explained his product and purpose.

Why do you want to kill rats? Loretta asked.

It’s what I do for a living. Lee laughed. A genuine laugh for a genuine joke.

Don’t you know that every rat has a soul?

He could tell that she was serious. Large black eyes, two little pools of oil. He caught himself. He was slipping in. That’s one I never heard before.

Everything has a soul. Don’t you know about reincarnation?

No.

Why not?

I don’t believe in God.

Why not?

I’ve never seen him. He chuckled, hoping to lighten things up.

Don’t waste your time looking for a Christian God. He don’t exist.

Well, what kind of god are you talking about? Are you a Buddhist?

I ain’t no Buddhist. But I know a little bout that too. We live in a multidimensional universe. God is all the dimensions.

Lee had to consider this.

Here, I got a book for you. Her hand disappeared under the counter. Emerged gripping a worn paperback. Slid it toward him.

He read the entire thing that night. Found it totally unconvincing, but it gave them something to discuss the following day. She gave him another book. He read it. The pattern was set. Their conversations continued. Reincarnation. Soul mates. Astral traveling. Demon possession. The eternal validity of the soul. Ghosts. He felt warm whenever she was near. When she spoke about a subject, her deep black eyes held a small but intense light. Lee warmed by the glow of her body beneath the baggy men’s clothes. The feeling was strange and good. But there was also a feeling of desperation and separation. He was glad that she led the conversation; however, about her past, she formed an impenetrable wall. All he knew: she’d had a difficult childhood. Or so he figured. She never discussed her family. One day they came close to destroying the barrier:

My mamma, she say that death is in our pocket all the time, Loretta said.

What else does she say?

Not too much.

Is your mother alive?

Maybe.

Is your father alive?

Maybe.

How come you won’t tell me? Don’t you trust me?

No.

Why not?

I don’t know. She sounded sincere.

My parents are dead.

Don’t tell me.

My mamma—

She put her hands over her ears. Don’t tell me.

And he never did.

It was more than three months after they met before they made love. The romance started with Lee giving her chaste kisses on the cheek. And she loved to hug. Started wearing dresses and tight-fitting pants. Tried to grow her hair long.

One night, in her book-crowded room above the store, she clutched him tightly. He was amazed at her strength. Was she trying to squeeze his spirit into her body? She smelled like a woman. Especially when he buried his nose in her short hair. He didn’t know how long they’d been hugging, but after what must have been at least a half hour, her hug hadn’t weakened.

I’ll always be here for you, Lee said.

All men say that.

Well, I just ain’t all men. He laughed. I love you.

I don’t need your love.

Everybody needs love. He hated saying this. Loved her but hated saying it.

You just want a hole to stick your dick in.

Lee felt a tug in his chest. Loretta had never used such language before. No. I love you, he said.

Well, keep your love. Tender feelings are pointless.

He kissed her forehead.

Keep your kisses.

He kissed her cheek.

I don’t need your kisses.

He kissed her neck. He continued. His kisses soft and slow, and searching. Following the soft curves of her body until they found her lips.

The first time Lee and Loretta made love, she wouldn’t let him get on top. She got on top of him and moaned down in his face. He kept his eyes open. He didn’t want to miss anything. Afterward, their bodies were covered with sweat as light as dew. He could taste the salt.

A month later, they married. Without ceremony. They got three witnesses — three of Lee’s employees — and said their vows before the justice of the peace. So Loretta wanted it. Not that Lee had a single friend.

Life flowed fine during the first months of their marriage. The business was coming along. Lee purchased his first buildings. They leased a large apartment. Loretta quit her job at the grocery store. Lee ran the business during the day, while Loretta explored her interest in the paranormal. One day, Lee arrived home from work and saw Loretta in the kitchen with a glass of tea.

Lee?

What?

I need your help.

Anything for you, baby girl.

Help me find somebody.

A strange request. She had never mentioned any friends.

Who?

Phil.

Lee’s skin got hot. Who?

Phil. He dead.

Lee laughed until his stomach hurt.

He dead. Loretta sipped her tea. Her eyes black stones in her face.

Dead?

Got killed in a car accident.

Lee didn’t say anything.

On Easter. Four years ago. I need to find him.

Now I heard everything, Lee thought. He decided to play along.

We was in love.

Something kicked inside Lee’s belly.

But he was married and had a child.

So you want me to resurrect your dead lover? Lee avoided her black eyes. He could taste the bitterness in his voice.

Don’t be jealous.

I’m not jealous.

I love you.

Oh, I see. But you love him too?

That was a long time ago.

Not long enough.

Don’t be that way. I love you.

Right.

I just need to find him and find out if he all right.

He dead, ain’t he?

I love you. Don’t be jealous. I need to know if he all right.

Jesus.

Sometimes when a person dies so badly, their soul can’t rest.

Which book is that from?

He ain’t no danger to you. I was fifteen. He was twenty-five. A grown man.

Lee didn’t say anything.

It was a long time ago. He was married and had a child.

Did you fuck him too?

Now, don’t be like that. We never did anything but kiss. A couplea times we grinded. But he was married and had a child.

Lee actually felt a little better.

It was a long time ago.

Okay. What do you want me to do? He would play along. Stupid to be jealous of a dead man. What harm could it do? She’d see that all this talk about the soul was just that, talk.