Alexander Chee - The Queen of the Night

When she finished, she set it down and said, Explain yourself. Tell me everything.

I did. I told her the story of being given one of the gowns and described it. I told her of how the seconds were not being given out as often and of the complaint of her ladies-in-waiting provoked by the Empress’s attending councils and the lack of invitations to tea. Then the recital, and the interest both the Princess Metternich and the Empress had in a talented young composer, and how I had found him alone in the imperial apartments before the series began. And then last was the tenor and his seduction of me, his game of the dresses, described as if we had no history at all.

I know my escape disappointed you, I said. And I am very sorry for the trouble it caused. But he meant to kidnap me that night. I escaped as he was taking me from the palace.

My dear, how incredible. She rested her chin on her hand. It is astonishing to even hear you speak, but it is all quite puzzling and intriguing. I have a question, given this tenor character who you say was intent on kidnapping you. Why did you not simply alert the guards?

I had no answer ready and fought to think of something.

And why, after eluding him in the dark, did you go to the station and not back to the palace?

I could not return, I managed to say.

Yes, why? What had you taken? Had you stolen something from her?

She pushed at the note as I stayed silent.

What did you steal? she asked. I’m guessing this coat. Or is it in the coat? Sewn into the linings? Somewhere else? What did you take? An earring, a brooch, a pearl?

I took nothing, I said softly, but I could not look at her, and at that, she leaned closer.

A girl like you, there are two reasons you leave your mistress. You either have stolen or you are in love. If you stole nothing, then it could only be love. Who is he, then, who are you in love with?

I finally met the terrible eyes full of anticipation, but still I could not speak. It had been a mistake to speak. I had been safer silent.

Tell me or be destroyed, she said. I will have you returned to the palace as a thief. Can you imagine yourself then? When they are done beating the truth from you, no man will ever look on you again except in horror. Who? Not the tenor, it would seem. What other he?

To say it seemed to be to destroy it, but to say nothing was to be destroyed.

This composer?

At this, she stood, walked over to me, and grabbed for my chin to make me face her. She held it fiercely, waiting for my hands to come down, waiting for my answer. The rings on her fingers against my chin made me wince, and I relented, nodded finally, and the tears I’d kept back until now began.

And now you have become so precious, she said, and let go.

She waved to her maid to bring me a handkerchief.

My girl, please. Now that we have the truth, no more crying. She waited as I calmed and dried my face.

It is time to speak of our little bargain. I’m sure you are anxious to be paid. You were much more attentive than I’d thought possible, but the result of leaving as you did is that you have brought me both more and less than I’d hoped for. Still, now that we have the truth from you, I feel the balance is in your favor, and I’m in your debt. So do not fear; I will not turn you in. But we must plan.

Thank you, I said, and then went to my knees before her. Please forgive me.

Come, this is ridiculous. Get up.

I stood carefully.

What is your name, then? What am I to call you? How long did you deceive the sisters about your voice? Are you even called Sidonie?

No, I said. Call me — call me…

Oh, it doesn’t matter, it will only confuse me. We will call you Sidonie a while longer. My driver here has a wife who lets rooms. He will take you where you are staying now, and you will remove anything you have in his presence. He will then take you to his wife’s, and we will install you there until we decide what the terms will be. Do not deceive him; do not try to elude him. Do not disappoint me again. He will return you here tomorrow and report to me on the contents of your room, and then we will have our parley.

I thanked her quietly, ashamed.

Do not be afraid of him. You understand, do you not? I think you do not know what you have done. He is protecting you. You are not safe here in Paris. Perhaps not anywhere in France.

With that, the driver appeared, and they exchanged some words in Italian. He then led me back down to the service entrance to the carriage.

I returned to my room with him. The landlady protested until he explained he was removing me. I pulled out my junk-peddler things, emptied out my coat, and at his bidding, undressed so he could search even the dress. He even checked my shoes for hollow heels. The gold coins left from what Pepa had paid me mocked me, lined up on the bed.

The trail of gold I once hoped to set down had led here.

I bade good-bye to my landlady and went to meet the driver’s wife, who showed me my new room. I listened as I was locked inside, and when she left, I brushed out my hair and I calmed as I reviewed my prospects.

As the Comtesse said, I did not know what I had done. I knew I was still in danger, but it now mattered if I lived or died to the Comtesse. This was new. We were now to discuss terms. My situation had somehow improved. Or so I hoped as sleep took me at last in my strange new bed.

§

In the morning I dressed with dread, after what Euphrosyne had said of dead women’s dresses, and hoped for someone to unlock the door, and for breakfast. Both came. Afterward, we drove off, and I noticed we went away from the Comtesse’s address into a part of the city I didn’t know.

I became anxious, even afraid I was to be killed, when we arrived at a restaurant. The Comtesse came out and joined me in the carriage, having had, it appeared, some previous appointment.

Did you sleep well? she asked me, as the door closed.

Well enough, thank you.

Did you feel safe? she asked, with a smile.

I did, I said.

The driver reports you were honest, and while you had an unusual number of gold coins for a grisette , there was no property of the French empress in your belongings other than that coat. I trusted your tears, she said. But it’s best to check. And now I know you are a little miserly, always a good trait.

I made my face as blank as possible and waited for whatever was next.

Now we may begin our parley, she said. You are an orphan, I recall. Is this true? Do you even have papers?

No, I said. For I did not understand what she meant. What papers?

She laughed. And have you any accounts?

No, I said.

Very well, then. Much as I thought.

This seemed some clear reference as to a method of payment and the possibility of employment. Sensing my chance, I took it.

Yesterday you wondered if you were wasting my talents, I said. You wondered if there was more for me to do for you despite disappointing you.

Yes, she said. She seemed amused.

If I might offer, I said. I would like that very much. Whatever you might require, that you might find for me to do. Given the trouble I’ve caused, I know I couldn’t hope even for something modest, but I hope to repay you if I can.

She nodded. Very well, then, she said.

I allowed myself my first smile in her presence since the day previous.

She rapped on the door to the carriage and shouted an address to her driver.

Here is what I propose, she said. I must think on the rest some more. I cannot allow you to move freely for now. This is for your own protection. But for now, I will continue to play the part of an aunt, an elaboration of our previous little tableau vivant. I will set you up with a dress — we must get rid of this awful frock you are wearing, perhaps immediately — and perhaps teach you some style. The rest will wait for now, and in the meantime, you will continue to be a guest at the room we have let for you with the driver’s wife. Is this agreeable?