Gonçalo Tavares - The Neighborhood

These were words of solidarity from the Boss, who was very attached to the population — all the more since there was now a pressing need to put an end to the constant protests that had begun to appear after any changes were made in the law.

It was just that, in fact, there was always a group of people who felt harmed.

The legislators then tried to create a law that did not harm anyone, not even a single person; but they were unable to do so.

Even when they made laws about the trees or the wind, it never worked. There were always protests. And human protests.

But the Boss insisted, “Make a law that does not harm anyone, not a single person, not a senior citizen, nor a wretch. That’s all I ask.”

“What you are asking for is not a law, Boss, it’s a miracle,” said the Assistants.

“And who deals with this kind of special law?” immediately asked the Boss.

Suddenly, the hall fell silent.

The Assistants were embarrassed. Nobody knew how to give the Boss a definite answer.

At the back of the hall, in the midst of the general silence and immobility, one of the new Assistants dared to raise his hand.

“Tell me, Mister Assistant, there at the back.”

“Boss, I don’t know the entire organogram, but if there is no governmental department responsible for miracles, I suggest that one be created.”

“An excellent idea,” said the Boss, enthused.

However, from the expression on his face, one could immediately see that this solution raised new and profound questions: Would there be enough space on the sheet of paper used for the organogram to accommodate yet another department?

2

The legislator arrived almost leaping with enthusiasm: he had found a formula for a decree that seemed to fulfill the objective: to make a law that did not harm anyone.

“And what is this formula, my dear legislator?”

“It’s simple. Here it is.” And he read, “This law decides that this law does not decide anything.”

“But is that a law?”

“If this sentence — because, essentially, Excellency, laws are sentences — if this sentence were published as a legal decree it would become a decree-law.”

“This law decides that this law does not decide anything,” murmured the Boss to himself, like someone repeating a verse that fascinates him.

“It’s a thoroughly modern law, don’t you think?”

“Yes, while seeming to be a conformist law, it is a drastic law after all.”

“Because people …,” the Boss began to say, but then fell silent.

“Yes, more precisely: what everybody would like is for nothing to change, but for life to improve.”

“Ah, it’s not going to be easy.”

“No. But if we continue with this line of laws, there is a series of variations that could be developed. For example, ‘This law decides that things can be done in one way or any other way.’ How about that? Isn’t this also a law that fits perfectly into the objective of making laws that do not incite any kind of protest? ‘This law decides that things can be done in one way or any other way.’ It’s a brilliant formula, even if I say so myself. Yes, it’s not bad. But I always liked making concrete, objective laws, which people can understand.”

“Oh, Boss, don’t be stubborn.”

3

The Boss was not convinced. He liked the sound of the law, its rhythm, the way it began and ended, however the contents of the law, they didn’t quite convince him.

It was as though something was missing. That was it: something was missing here. But what?

The Boss repeated the sentence again, this time out loud: “‘This law decides that things can be done in one way or any other way.’ I know!” murmured the Boss. “I know what I think is missing. It’s a very individual perception, I acknowledge that, but here it is: this law is about allowing one to do something in one way or in any other way — very well, but the question is: What? What is this law talking about?”

“That is never stated explicitly,” murmured, condescendingly, the older Assistant, “it’s always ambiguous, undetermined. Mention is made of something as though everybody knows what that something is. I don’t know what that something is, you don’t know, nobody knows; however, you can be sure of one thing: the people like this kind of law.”

“They do?”

“Of course they do. To be able to do something in one way or in any other way? Is there anyone who would not like this kind of imposition?”

“But what will this change?” asked the Boss. “What will change, for example, with, ‘This law decides that this law does not decide anything’?”

“Nothing changes.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing. But that is what the people want.”

“What I want, you know,” exclaimed the Boss, in his enthusiastic tone of voice, “what I want is to do everything, I mean everything, for the people!”

“Then, Boss, don’t do anything; they won’t notice the difference.”

“Profound reading,” murmured Mister Kraus. “Politicians don’t read books; at most they read the titles. They do the same thing with people.”

About the Nation’s Aircraft

1

“Dear Assistants, I am very angry.”

“Why, Boss? Some other unpleasant news?”

“No, today it isn’t because of the newspapers, it’s because of the world.”

“Ah, so it isn’t such a serious matter!”

“That’s not the question: they told me that we do not have even half an aircraft to fight fires. Is that true?”

“It isn’t true,” said one Assistant, indignantly, “it isn’t true!”

“It isn’t true,” said the other Assistant.

“We have half an aircraft,” affirmed the First Assistant.

“We have half an aircraft!” emphasized the second.

“We have two half-aircraft,” added the First Assistant, raising two of his little fingers high into the sky.

“Two?”

“Yes, two half-aircraft.”

“And how much does that make?” asked the Boss.

“Two half-aircraft make one completely whole aircraft.”

“One?” exclaimed the Boss, raising a finger to indicate his indignation.

“Yes, two halves: one. Half plus half.”

“But apart from that helicopter that works,” said the First Assistant, “we also have another helicopter that does not work.”

“That also counts,” murmured the Second Assistant.

“And what does it do?” asked the Boss.

“It observes.”

“Vigilance.”

“It’s very alert.”

“The helicopter?”

“And the radio works!”

2

“It’s more a question of a concept.”

“A concept, how?” asked the Boss.

“When they say that we do not have aircraft to fight fires one feels like saying: What do you know about the concept of aircraft?”

“Exactly, that’s what one feels like saying,” agreed the other Assistant.

“It’s that there are two kinds of aircraft,” explained the First Assistant. “High aircraft and low aircraft. The high aircraft …”

“… are those that fly,” completed the Second Assistant.

“Low aircraft …”

“… are those that don’t fly!” completed the Boss, with a smile of satisfaction (he loved to complete sentences).

“Exactly!”

“While it’s true that we do not have many aircraft that fly, we have a vast quantity of aircraft that run.”

“A vast quantity,” added the Second Assistant.