Gonçalo Tavares - The Neighborhood

Now this entire period had come to an end. The Boss was back!

Many of the Assistants were so happy that they even underwent profound physiological changes. Their hearts beat like only the hearts of wild men beat. In silence, one of the Assistants, feeling his heart beat to the rhythm of ancient manhunts, had even murmured to himself, “I don’t even seem to be a civilized man!” He was moved.

The Boss was back; the Boss, the Boss, the Boss was back!

2

“Things could have progressed in my absence, but the question is: What is progress? And why are there such preconceived notions about going back, about delaying, about hesitating?”

“Exactly, Boss.”

Little was known about the city, but that, yes, it was a fact: the Assistants’ hearts now beat better! With more intelligence, one could almost say, had the heart not been an organ that specialized in other matters.

But there was work to be done.

“Boss, we have here a series of reports that have been held up and a series of real things that are progressing! Boss, you have to deal with this!”

“I have never seen anything like this,” added the other Assistant.

“When I left, things were proceeding in another direction,” said the Boss.

“Not just in another direction …,” added the first Assistant.

“They were proceeding in precisely the opposite direction!”

“Exactly,” agreed the second Assistant, “real things were held up and it was the reports that were moving.”

“Very well,” said the Boss, “there is no time to lose. We now have to proceed at great speed in the direction of the past.”

“That’s it, Boss.”

3

The Boss was back.

“There is, for example,” said an Assistant, “the question of the public works and the question of the demolitions.”

The Boss paused (how they had missed these pauses) and began, “I have reflected about this matter and come to the following conclusion: the essential thing is to not do the two things at the same time and in the same space.”

“How, Boss?”

“It seems to me,” said the Boss, “that the best thing is to knock down in one space and build up in another space. So as not to confuse things. In fact, I would like to say that the new concept that I will develop during my return is the concept of …”

“Of?”

“Of …” (the Boss was wont to raise his eyebrows a lot, like someone who has just formulated a riddle). “It’s the concept of building upward but downward! Isn’t it an exemplary idea? We knock down old buildings and we build new structures on top that will tumble down; and this because, in a certain way, things later always end up by falling down.”

“It’s almost a philosophical concept.”

“Yes, without doubt,” said the Boss who while resuming his office seemed to have the enthusiasm of a youngster, “it’s a concept that introduces the perception of time. Everything changes, my dear assistants, and everything that is erected, later falls. Thus, from today onward, we are going to be the first city that constructs with the lucidity of perceiving that everything is temporary— temporarium tudio —therefore: we will knock buildings down and we will build buildings on top to fall down.”

“Bravo, Boss. With so much philosophy we can even save on cement.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

The Parking Lot

Keeping in mind the existence of innumerable individuals from among the people, the clergy, and even the nobility, who do not understand anything about engines or automobiles, the Boss said, “Enough!”

And after gaining momentum, uttered the following declaration:

“Enough!”

“Which means …?” someone asked.

“It means that it’s enough,” clarified the Boss.

“Enough, you mean?”

“Exactly.”

The old democratic tradition of giving cars of different qualities, according to the hierarchical position of the receiver, just did not seem adequate to him.

He thought it was important that, at first glance, even an absolute ignoramus who knew nothing about brands, the pickup, and the engine should be able to distinguish a mere director-general from a minister.

It was for this excellent reason that he recommenced lauding the nonpolluting benefits of bicycles traversing the city.

Bicycles: do you know of any technology that is more modern than bicycles?

Thus, in the parking lot reserved for elements of the government, there was now space for: one automobile, two motorcycles, four bicycles, nine horses; and there was even space for more than twenty donkeys.

As the prevailing norms about respect for the hierarchy affirm, and despite the difference in speeds attained on straight stretches, those who came on donkeys habitually arrived first.

“It’s child’s play,” said Mister Kraus. “When politicians speak to us from the heavens above, and point their fingers upward saying, See? it’s then, at that precise moment, that we should be looking attentively at the objects they have in their cellars.”

About an Enlightened Government

There were so many ministers that during general meetings it was necessary to hire one of those ushers from the cinema theater whose job was to take viewers to their designated seat.

Since, by an age-old tradition, cabinet meetings — just like films — were held in the dark, the usher with his flashlight was (literally) the only one who could see something before him.

As each minister arrived, the usher took him, always guided by his little flashlight, through the various rows, until they reached his place in the cabinet.

“This row, third chair from the far side.”

Apologizing to the other ministers, the new arrival made his way to his seat, stepping on people’s feet more or less frequently.

As soon as the man with the flashlight left, the hall became pitch dark, without a speck of light to be seen; and it had thus become a normal practice for the Boss to immediately say, calming his colleagues with his voice, “I am here, I am here!”

After they had located the Boss, by the sound of his voice, the meeting would begin.

Seated in his habitual chair, hunched over, Mister Kraus prepared his next chronicles and scribbled some notes in his notebook.

“Causes” of an enigmatic constitution

He complained that he did not even have time to eat, he was so dedicated to the public cause. However, he increasingly put on weight. Thus, everybody around him was convinced that the public cause had a lot in common with an excess of calories.

Reasons for resigning

Any nation must be managed sensibly and by means of a careful and considered use of intelligence. Thus, whenever a politician falls in love, he should immediately give up his seat.

Verbal punctuality

A certain politician repeated the same words so many times at the same monotonous rhythm that his colleagues used to set the hour hand on their watches according to the word “freedom” and the minute hand according to the word “democracy.”

Legal, and Other, Decisions

1

“Since I am a human being, any approved law that harms even a single individual is a law that persecutes me as an individual. At least that’s how I see it.”