Gonçalo Tavares - The Neighborhood

And with his blindfold around his eyes, cotton stuffed in his ears, and a clothespin on his nose, Mister Juarroz, taking great care to keep his hands in the air so as not to touch anything, then had moments of pure ruminative bliss.

How I love this world, he would murmur.

Literature owes much more

to absinthe than you would think

In terms of quality, even more

than to ink …

Alexandre O’Neill

Statistics

Mister Henri said, “Statistics were invented in London in 1662. Before this, random probabilities and recurrences did exist, but nobody noticed them.”

Mister Henri then scratched his belly with the forefinger of his right hand.

Mister Henri was wearing a pair of black pants that did not reach his shoes.

Mister Henri was wearing a pair of old brown shoes. And, when viewed from below, his shoes did not reach his pants either.

Thus, it was mutual: his pants did not reach his shoes and his shoes did not reach his pants.

“An admirable coincidence,” said Mister Henri, while he pondered upon the importance of statistics, which were invented in London in 1662.

Philosophers

Mister Henri was struggling with two heavy shopping baskets. They were full of bottles.

Mister Henri stopped for an instant, exhausted, and began to think while leaning against a tree.

Mister Henri said, “They made baskets as early as the Neolithic Age.”

After that, Mister Henri didn’t say anything else because he was very tired.

Mister Henri continued to pant breathlessly, while leaning against a tree.

“I need a glass of absinthe,” gasped Mister Henri.

Mister Henri thought some more and then said, “I now know why one begins to think. It’s due to tiredness. If all men were in good physical shape, there would be no philosophers.”

Before he resumed his stroll, Mister Henri further added, “Fortunately, we have absinthe. Absinthe is the best stimulus for the mind that there is. Sometimes, I really don’t know what thinks better in my head: my brain or the absinthe. But it’s probably the absinthe,” said Mister Henri.

The Neolithic Age

Mister Henri asked for another glass of absinthe.

Mister Henri said, “Today I feel particularly weak.

“They made baskets as early as the Neolithic Age,” said Mister Henri. “Baskets!”

And Mister Henri drank the small glass of absinthe in one gulp.

“Baskets in the Neolithic Age! Look at that. In the Neolithic Age!”

Meanwhile, from the other side of the bar, somebody said, caustically, “I’m only interested in things that concern my neighborhood.”

And Mister Henri said, “How very sensible of you.” And then added, “Another glass of absinthe, please.”

The Garden Bench

Mister Henri was in the garden standing before his favorite bench, where a woman was seated, playing the violin.

Mister Henri interrupted the violinist and said, “Antonio Stradivarius was the most famous violin maker of all time. One could say that he was the architect of violins. He experimented with several kinds of violins until he decided upon the size and shape of the Stradivarius violin. I could have been a great violinist, but I never knew how to play the violin. However, alcohol existed well before the violin. Well before violinists existed, there existed people who were artistically inspired by alcohol. Therefore, please get off that bench with your violin. Because that bench is mine,” said Mister Henri.

The Mind

Mister Henri was sitting on a bench in the garden wondering if his body would get up in order to drink a glass of absinthe.

Mister Henri said, “My soul has already arisen.”

Mister Henri then looked at his body, trying to find his face, but was unable to do so. “There are parts of my body that I can see only with my eyes, and there are other parts that I can see only with my mind. It’s as though my mind had eyes, and that these were older than my other two eyes.”

Mister Henri then stopped talking.

And then, after a brief silence, Mister Henri said, “What is certain is that my mind has already drunk a glass of absinthe, and I haven’t. At this moment, my mind is more drunk than I am. Well then, I’m going to catch up with it,” said Mister Henri.

Mister Henri then got up from the garden bench, quite abruptly.

Finally, a decision. “Absinthe, here I come!” he shouted.

And began to walk very quickly.

Money

Mister Henri found a ring on the sidewalk.

“Ah,” said Mister Henri, “perhaps it is made of gold.”

Mister Henri then put the ring in his pocket and thought, “It isn’t made of gold, it’s made of six thousand glasses of absinthe. That’s the currency in my world.”

And Mister Henri smiled. He had found a rare treasure indeed.

“Here is the first liquid ring in history,” said Mister Henri.

Doctors’ Explanations

Mister Henri habitually felt breathless twice a week.

Some weeks this would happen on Tuesday and on Saturday. Other weeks on Tuesday and Friday.

“No air here,” Mister Henri would say, placing his hands around his throat.

While he served him a glass of absinthe, the owner of the establishment said, “One of your ancestors must have been hung from a tall tree, about six meters high and a meter and a half in diameter. This terrible event happened on a Tuesday and therefore you are always breathless on Tuesdays.”

Mister Henri nodded in agreement and said, “I never liked the doctor’s explanation either.”

The Eclipse

Mister Henri looked at the eclipse that had been announced but hadn’t yet begun.

“If the stars are late, what can one expect of everything else?” said Mister Henri.