Conrad Aiken - Blue Voyage

“Yes, are we ready to go, Pauline?”

“ Pauline !.. Mr. Smith, your manners are simply terrible . Good night, Mr. Barnes — oh are you coming too? Good night, Mr. Demarest!”

“Good night, Mrs. Faubion!”

“Gosh, that girl gets my goat. Yes, siree, she sure gets my goat.”

“She’s damned attractive.”

“Attractive! She’s a dynamo.”

“Dynamo — dynamas — I loved a lass—”

“Yes, siree. And you know, I’ve got a damned good idea.”

“What is it?”

“Just between you and me and the bedpost—”

“I must caution you, Mr. Smith. You must remember that these young ladies—”

“No, sir, I’m not swallowing any bunk about those girls. If they aren’t — I’ll bet they’ve been in half the staterooms on this boat.”

“I don’t believe it. Not Faubion.”

“Oh? You don’t think so? Well, maybe not, maybe not. Just the same, I’ve got a damned good idea.”

“Well?”

“It’s simple, and I don’t see how it can get me into any trouble … It’s this. I’ve got a purse full of gold sovereigns — look! you don’t see gold sovereigns every day! Not since the war you don’t. They look pretty good, don’t they?”

“Very nice.”

“Yes, sir! They look pretty good. And I’ve got an idea that if I just take them out and kind of flash them at Mrs. Faubion — without saying anything, you know — anything that would give me away too much — what do you think?”

“Gosh, father! You’re getting reckless.”

“No! I don’t see any harm in it. I’ll bet these sovereigns would look pretty good to her. Don’t you think so?”

“Suppose not?”

“Well, suppose not. Where’s the danger? That’s the beauty of it. If she’s as innocent as you say she is, she won’t know what I mean by it. Will she?”

“True.”

“Well, I think I’ll try it. If I can get up the nerve. That’s where the trouble is! Guess I’ll take a few Guinnesses first … And then do it the last thing before I turn in. I’ll bet she’ll know what I mean, all right! Yes, sir, if that girl doesn’t know more than you and me put together, I miss my guess.”

“Well, I’ll put a flower on your grave. A syringa.”

“You just wait! The old man’ll show you something … The trouble is with you, you’re too slow. How’s your dollar princess?”

“She’s dropped me.”

“Dropped you! What do you mean?”

“Her mother cut me this morning. It’s all over.”

“You mean to say you’re going to let them drop you?”

“Good God, man, you don’t suppose I can run up into the first cabin forty times a day — where I don’t belong, and where all the officers know me by sight — in pursuit of people who won’t speak to me when I meet them? Nothing like that. I tried it twice this afternoon, but the only one I saw was her uncle, writing letters in the smoking room. And he doesn’t know me.”

“Well, why didn’t you put it up to him ?”

“Ask him why they were cutting me? Nothing doing!”

“Well, I guess the trouble is you don’t care very much. Not like me!.. Coming up? Take a turn on the deck?”

“As far as the smoking room. I think I’ll get drunk tonight.”

“Well, I may pop in later … What’s the singing?”

Single Stroke. Trembling .

Sound Signals for Fog and So Forth .

“ And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in pink .

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in pink .

All in pink — all in pink — what will her mother think ?

Down in the alley where She followed Me … ”

“That’s a new one on me. Well, see you later. Gosh, look at the smoke in there!”

“—pure as the snow, but she drifted.”

“She was pure as the snow, but she drifted.”

“ And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in gray .

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in gray .

All in gray — all in gray — what will her father say ?

Down in the alley where She followed Me … ”

“—two for a nickel poker player like you! Are you coming in or are you staying out?”

“ I’ll come in— I ain’t no piker!”

“ He’s no poker piker!”

“ And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in green .

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in green .

All in green — all in green — my, how she did scream, scream!..

Down in the alley where She followed Me … ”

“The man said to the girl—‘You know what your personality reminds me of? a handful of wet sawdust!’ Flap, flap. And he shook his hand, as if he was shakin’ sawdust off it. And the girl said—‘Ah, your face would make a false tooth ache!” … ‘Is that so,’ the man said. ‘Do you know what your face is like? It’s like an exposed nerve.’ And the girl said, ‘Why, you’re so narrow-minded you could button your ears at the back! Ha ha!’ … And then the man took a long hard look at her and said, ‘You want to know what you remind me of?… You remind me of a neglected grave … Where’s your lily?’”

“Ha ha ha!”

“ And the next time I met her, she was all dressed in red .

The next time I met her, she was all dressed in red .

All in red — all in red — I stole her maidenhead —

Down in the alley where She followed Me … ”

“Yes, you hear some funny things there. Another time—”

“Ukulele, sure. I was lying right here, behind the back, and she didn’t see me. She was inside the bar there with the door shut for half an hour. When she came out and saw me she turned red as a beet. She tried to laugh it off … Well, she’s got a fine pair of shafts, by God!”

“Who can open it. Can you open it?”

“Who—? the guy with the long hair—? If he so much as puts a finger on me I’ll knock his block off.”

“ And the last time I met her, she was all dressed in blue .

The last time I met her, she was all dressed in blue .

All in blue, baby blue — what will the poor kid do? —

Down in the alley where She followed Me … ”

“Hooray! Here’s old Paddy again.”

“ One — more — drink !”

“I didn’t see you eatin’ much, Paddy.”

“Let me tell you somethin’ … It’s an awful thing to say — and I’m not insultin’ anyone that’s present here — but what I’m telling you is facts and figures . There was an Irishman once and his name, I think, was Mike. And he was living in N’York, at a boardin’-house that was kept by a Mrs. McCarty.”

“She was pure as the snow, but she drifted.”

“PURE as the snow, but she drifted.”

“Prohibition — that’s what drove me out of the country. As nice a little saloon as you could want! forty and one-tenth miles from New York. And everything as orderly and nice as it could be. And now look at it! High -school girls goin’ out to dances, takin’ their own old man’s hooch with them, and gettin’ so drunk they can’t walk! Paralyzed, that’s what they get. High -school girls!”

“—and the parrot she had— ahip ! — he hated it, see?… And so one mornin’ when he was shavin’ he took his razor and cut the back of its neck, and dropped it into the—”

“ANTE, God damn you! You can’t slip anything like that over on me!”

“You shut your face! You can’t talk like that to me!”