Can Xue - The Embroidered Shoes

* * *

I did not believe the matter was as simple as that. I felt vaguely the falseness in Sha-yuan’s smile. Though he was no longer raising poisonous snakes, who could guess what new trick he might be up to? I decided to talk to him seriously.

“Now I don’t need a place to raise snakes,” Sha-yuan answered. “They are in my belly. They don’t stay inside all the time, of course. They come out whenever I want them to. The little flowery snake is my favorite.”

Staring at his body, which was getting thinner daily, I asked if his mother knew about all of this. But Sha-yuan said that it was not necessary to let her know. Since the little snakes did not really occupy space, the matter need not be considered to exist so long as he did not mention it. Just let everybody be happy. My next question was whether this would affect his health.

He gave me an attentive look, then he suddenly appeared sleepy. Yawning hard, he said, “Who doesn’t have something like that in his belly? They just don’t know, that’s all. That’s why they’re healthy. I’m always sleepy. You’ve talked so much. I rarely talk so much. You’re weird.”

Despite my efforts to ask for more, he dropped his head down and fell into a sound sleep while standing by the table.

* * *

Sha-yuan’s mother got really excited, and she looked much younger now. While packing, she said, “It seems that travel is necessary.” Sha-yuan joined her with joy in packing. But after a while, he turned aside and started vomiting. “Nothing serious.” He wiped his pale lips and muttered almost secretly, “It was some mischief from the little flowery snake.”

Quickly they started their journey on a northwest-bound train. It was a windy day.

They did not come back until two years later. The three looked the same as they had been, harmonious and peaceful. Nothing unusual could be detected. Sha-yuan obviously had gained some weight, and his face looked healthier than before. When I asked him quietly about the snakes, he said they were still in his belly. But he had learned how to adjust, so that even running and doing the high jump would not cause him any harm. Sometimes, having snakes in his belly was even beneficial to his health. I asked him what benefit it could bring to the body, and Sha-yuan’s yawns started again. He complained that it was painful to listen to others. Sha-yuan’s mother invited me for dinner. While eating, the old lady, who used to grumble, was now silent. She did not appear as confident as before. Sha-yuan’s father only said one sentence: “No more travel.” Then everybody was quiet.

After that they kept their front gate open. The parents stopped watching Sha-yuan’s behavior as if they had lost interest and become oblivious. But they appeared anxious and from morning till night they checked their watches constantly. Obviously they were waiting for something. “Waiting for their deaths,” Sha-yuan said. He tapped his belly, which was flat. There was no sign of anything inside. According to Sha-yuan, it had worked out fine. Nobody suspected that he raised snakes anymore. But in fact, the leopard can’t change its spots.

The fall wind was whistling across the plain. It sounded musical from morning to night. This mysterious family was baffling me more and more. I remembered that the mother was only fifty, and the father, fifty-five. But just see how old they looked. Both were suffering from cardiac arteriosclerosis and their slow movements worried me. “He has destroyed us,” the father said suddenly one day. His facial expression revealed his confusion. “We are dying so fast.” After the remark, his face relaxed instantly. His glance lingered on the skinny shoulder of Sha-yuan. The glance was both kind and loving. The three certainly had a tacit understanding.

* * *

The parents had different explanations about the disappearance of the child. According to the father, the boy had mentioned going to the air-raid shelter after supper, because he hadn’t been there for a long time, and he was curious about any new changes there. Neither of the parents had paid any attention to their son’s remark. They were too tired. The son then stood up and walked toward the door with staggering steps. Recently he had become all bony. He did not return that whole night, and nobody bothered looking for him. “It’s too troublesome,” the father said, his eyes fixed on the windowpane.

Sha-yuan’s mother never admitted that her son had walked out on her. “The child was never reliable. For more than a decade, we had both kept our eyes wide open in watching, without any obvious effect. What can I say? He could still wander around at will without our seeing him. Now I’ve given up. Who knows whether or not he was my child to start with, or even if he had been living with us at all? I don’t think he left yesterday. I’ve never even been able to confirm his existence.”

Listening to them, I became perplexed also. What was Sha-yuan, after all? I pondered hard, but in my mind there were only some miscellaneous fragments, some odd remarks. When I tried to concentrate, even the remarks faded away. As a result, I could not think of anything about Sha-yuan except his name.

Just when everybody believed that he had vanished, however, Sha-yuan came back. He resumed his quiet and friendly life at home. His behavior once again contributed to the indifferent attitude of his parents. They no longer cared at all if the boy existed or not. They were simply worn out.

“Where did you get the name Sha-yuan?” I asked abruptly.

“I’ve been wondering about it myself. Nobody ever gave him that name. Where did it come from?” the mother said, looking confused.

As a matter of fact, I’m very familiar with this area. For some time I came here every day. However, now it’s too dark, and the moon is reluctant to come out, so I can go forward only by instinct. After a while, I smell an odor. It’s from a small chestnut tree. Past the chestnut tree, dry grass crackles under my step. Now I feel relaxed. Here’s a stretch of grassland. No matter which direction you face, you can’t reach the end of the prairie without at least half an hour’s walk. The ground is very flat, without even any dips. Once my younger brother and I conducted an experiment here by walking forward for ten minutes with our eyes closed. We both came through the trial safe and sound.

Reaching the grassland, I wander about aimlessly. I know that soon afterward I’m going to see a house. Ultimately I will arrive there without having to give it much thought. In the past this method always brought me unexpected joy. Once I enter that house, I will sit down and drink a cup of tea with the owner (a pale-faced gentleman with no beard or hair). Then one breath will take you down along a zigzag mountain trail until you reach a grove of banana trees. The owner is rather kind, and, in his reluctance to part, always accompanies me to the corner, where I have to turn. He always wishes me good luck. The most comfortable thing is the downhill trail, which is very easy to walk. Soon there will appear a monkey to greet me. Each time I nod at him, and then he leads the way. Usually, when I reach the banana grove, I lie down beneath a tree and eat my fill. Then I go home. On my way home there is no monkey. Of course I never lose my way, because everything is so familiar to me. Strangely, the way home is again downhill, and I walk without any effort. Why is that? I’ve never understood the logic in this.

Wandering like this, I know I’ve reached the house because my forehead has suddenly bumped into the brick wall. Tonight the owner of the house hasn’t put on the light. Nor does he greet me from the stoop as he usually does.

“Why should you come so late?” he says from inside the window. He sounds a bit unhappy. Feeling his way around for a long time, he opens the door with a creak.