Jia Pingwa - Ruined City

“You’re right about that. Other men’s affairs are for temporary pleasure, but Zhidie has truly fallen in love. He’s really a forthright man. I have never been thrilled about his relationship with her. It’s all right to seek diversions in life, but how is she different from a wife, the way they are now?”

That did not please Niu Yueqing. “So do you mean it would be okay for him to fool around, falling for every woman he meets and then tossing them aside one by one, while sweet-talking me into accepting his behavior?”

“Marriage is one thing, love is another; they’re not the same but are two halves of the same thing. He’s lived in this city for decades, but instead of adopting modern ideas, he still has the mentality of country folk.”

“What I want is, marriage is love and love is marriage.”

“You and Zhidie have never agreed with me on this point, and see what’s happened? See the suffering you’re experiencing?”

“Let’s not talk about that now, Yunfang, since we’ll never agree. I’ll bring you a glass of water if you want; if not, you can go do whatever you need to do.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” His face reddened and he laughed awkwardly. “Well, I’m not leaving yet. I’ve gotten so used to your cooking, I won’t leave till you feed me.”

Niu Yueqing sobbed over her sad state. The more she cried, the more forlorn she looked, which prompted Meng to apologize. “Yueqing, I have a big mouth. You probably don’t like what I’ve said, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that you have my total sympathy. When Zhidie talked about having you stay here, I didn’t go along with him. Instead, I said, ‘Zhidie, in all honesty, you have to admit that Yueqing is a good wife. She’s been married to you for over a decade, and she has no serious flaws. Could you live with yourself if you left her?’”

“I don’t need your sympathy. I could tell he didn’t ask for a divorce because he felt sorry for me and was worried about my future. That shows he hasn’t lost his conscience. But do I need sympathy? No, what I need is love. Don’t think I don’t love him. It’s precisely because I still love him that I want to let him have what he’s wishing for and marry Tang Wan’er.”

“Marry Tang Wan’er? So you don’t know that she’s been taken back to Tongguan by her husband.”

That caught her by surprise. “Well, the slut’s gotten her just deserts. So she’s back home after stirring up so much trouble?”

“No need to curse her, the poor thing.”

“Poor thing? She’s a slut.”

“Now that she’s gone, why don’t you and Zhidie get back together? You’ve both gotten your feelings hurt over this, and you’ll need time to recover, but it would be good for everyone if you two could patch things up. Take me, for example: I will still have a place to go for food and drink.”

“I’ll feed you when you come,” Niu Yueqing said. “I’m just worried you’ll never come here again.”

“If I don’t get to eat or drink, that’s no big deal, but do you think the two of you will be happy for the rest of your lives once you’ve gotten past what you’re suffering now?”

“With his status and fame, if he can’t marry Tang Wan’er after the divorce, he could easily find an eighteen-year-old or a twenty-year-old. He won’t be unhappy. I will never be able to find another celebrity, but I think it wouldn’t be all that hard for me to marry a factory worker or an office clerk. Or I may just stay single and be with my mother.”

“Why are you so stubborn? If wives had been like you in the old polygamous society, they would all have killed themselves. I’ll go talk to him if you think you could let him off the hook. I’ve said this before: Never lose your foundation, no matter what. Don’t end up like me. I loathed my first wife, so I divorced her and remarried, but now I think my first wife was better. I dream about Meng Jin’s mother and have never once dreamed about Xia Jie.”

“So you want him to keep two burners going at the same time, is that it? That’s a lousy idea.”

Meng had no response. Saying she was sleepy, she sent him out of her bedroom; he had no choice but to walk out with an awkward smile. The old lady was sitting in the living room. “What were you talking about, all that whispering and chattering? My hearing is terrible, and all I heard was that someone was lost.”

“It’s better to have bad hearing, Aunty, and even better not to be too clear-headed. It’s Tang Wan’er. She has disappeared. Do you remember her, Zhou Min’s woman? She’s been gone several days now.”

“I’ve always said you must hold your shoes in your arms when you sleep, but no one listens. See, now Tang Wan’er has gone missing. What matters most to a woman are her shoes. What kind of shoes was she wearing when she disappeared?”

“I heard she was wearing a pair of black heels.”

“Mother, you’re talking too much,” Niu Yueqing said from her bedroom.

“Well, I’ll be going.” Meng laughed as he walked out.

When Meng was gone, Niu Yueqing thought about their conversation and wondered if she ought to forgive Zhuang this time, now that Tang Wan’er was gone. But on second thought, she knew he was obviously unhappy with her and would surely stay away after what she had written in the letter and what she had said to Meng. So even if Tang Wan’er was gone, there was no guarantee he would not have a Zhang Wan’er or a Li Wan’er. If that turned out to be the case, then better to suffer the short-term pain and get it over with. Gritting her teeth and steeling her heart, she still could not fathom why he was unhappy with her. Had she ever been unfaithful? Hadn’t she treated him well enough? She could only conclude that he was not the same Zhuang Zhidie anymore, and she was destined to live a life of misery.

For the next few days, Meng returned every day, followed by Zhao Jingwu and Wang Ximian and his wife. They were all there to try to talk her around. It would have been fine if Zhuang had come in person to apologize and admit guilt; it would also have been fine if their friends and acquaintances had stayed out of it. But the fact was, Zhuang was nowhere in sight, while their friends were taking turns coming to pressure her. As someone who had never enjoyed being mollified, she found their visits increasingly annoying, which made her hold more firmly to her views, and eventually she refused to see anyone. After losing her appetite and sleeping badly for a few days, she was visibly thinner and her hair was falling out in clumps. Every morning when she looked at herself in the mirror, she was worried that the second half of her life would be even worse if she kept losing hair until she was bald. One day when she was feeling despondent, she recalled Huiming at the Clear Void Nunnery. She went there in the afternoon as flocks of birds and a fiery red sun hung over the city.

A sheet of red paper was pasted on the entrance: The Yankou Incantation will be recited on the first of the month, with the following lines: Rid the living of illness and calamities extend their life span bring them happiness good fortune and peace… help the deceased escape suffering in hell and reach Nirvana . Niu Yueqing had no idea what the Yankou was, but she walked in anyway. She was greeted by the sounds of Buddhist instruments in Guanyin Hall, but instead of going in for a look, she headed for a small garden to the right and pushed open the gate. Huiming was sitting in there rubbing some medicinal lotion on her head, which was very round, sparsely dotted with hair. When she saw Yueqing, she offered her a seat as she continued to rub in the lotion.

“What kind of magic is that?” Niu Yueqing asked.

“Hair-growing magic.”