Tie Ning - The Bathing Women

Tiao said, “You know I don’t have an ashtray here. Besides, you’d better take a look at yourself before you smoke.”

Fei sneered. “What’s wrong with how I look? But, of course, how can I look better than you? I know you feel wonderful in every way, top to bottom, inside and out. Look at your face, and the shine of your eyes; they’re so dewy that even your eyelashes are wet. Only women who are loved, adored, and cherished by men would look so healthy. Look at your lips, so much thicker and fuller than before. It must be Chen Zai’s kisses that do that? They must feel puffed, swollen, and great, right? … Oh, and your hands. Come over and let me feel your palms — they must be warm. Those who are loved have warm palms. Come here, come here and let me feel them. Why don’t you come over? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that I’m unclean? Are you afraid that I’m contagious? Why weren’t you afraid of me before? Why weren’t you afraid of me when you wanted to get into the Publishing House and asked me to sell my body to that bastard vice mayor for you? Look at what a nice life you’re living now. And me? I can be summed up like this: no schooling and no skills and living in a drunkard’s haze. What do you think, Tiao? Think I fit the description? The way I used to trade on my beauty before, I take advantage of my illness now. I don’t blame you for being afraid of me. I have had many illnesses. Now let me tell you which ones I like the best, my favourite diseases. What makes me happiest is venereal disease. Look at the latest newspapers, big or small, every ad in every inch of them is filled with lists of venereal diseases, and I’ve had them all. It scared me at first, but not after a while. With so many drugs for treatment — and so many clinics — it seemed like all the clinics in China were kept in business because of it. Also, I wasn’t afraid because I didn’t need to see the doctors secretly; I strutted in to see them. Twice someone phoned while I was getting a nitro drip. I called him back and told him, right in front of the doctors and the patients who were getting nitro drip like me, ‘I can’t do anything right now; I’m getting treatment for my venereal disease.’ I knew both the doctors and patients were pricking up their ears listening to me. Even at a place like this where people couldn’t care less about shame, they were still shocked, exchanging glances about me. I stood out even at that sort of place. I stood out because I wasn’t like them, those people who changed their expressions as soon as they talked about the disease. At the time I had the idea that, because disease had such power over people, I should live like a disease, let me live like a disease … no, maybe that’s not accurate. I should say, I am disease, I am disease!”

Apparently not having the energy to talk at length, Fei had sweat on her forehead. She curled up, holding her thin knees to her stomach, but still tried to continue. Tiao sat on her armchair and gazed at her, recalling scenes of their teenage years … She remembered how, after the three of them — she, Fei, and Youyou — tasted the gourmet food they’d cooked themselves, discussed the Soviet story about jealousy, and appreciated Fei’s “Cairo Night” fashion show, when Youyou sighed that she longed to live as if life were a film, Fei declared proudly, “I am a film.”

I am a film.

Now she was sick. What was all that about being a film? Now she was a disease; a disease, exactly. Fei’s announcement saddened her. Puzzled, she stared at Fei on the sofa and couldn’t understand why Fei had to say it. Why must she say such things? Tiao didn’t want to hear words like that, which made her uncomfortable, both physically and psychologically. She interrupted Fei and said, “Let me pour you a cup of tea. You close your eyes and take a rest.”

Fei said angrily, “Why do you interrupt me? You think I would use your cup to drink your water? I want to smoke. I asked you to bring me an ashtray, and why didn’t you do that? Do you want to suffocate me? You!”

Tiao took a plate from the kitchen, placed it in front of Fei as a makeshift ashtray, and said, “I’ll light the cigarette for you.” She picked up Fei’s lighter and flicked it on awkwardly. The flame shone on Fei’s face, a face full of manic excitement. Fei pulled a cigarette from the pack, moved closer to the flame, and greedily inhaled a few puffs. Then she leaned back on the sofa and swung a leg over the top of it, in a loose and indecent gesture. She breathed the smoke in and out and said, “I am disease. After a while, I became less anxious when I got a venereal disease; I wanted to give the disease to them first, to those stinking men who had status and were so fond of their reputations, and to have them pass it on to their wives. My pastime was to lie in a big dark bed with curtains drawn tightly and imagine their miserable looks after catching the disease from me. I knew the disease wouldn’t defeat them; they have their own discreet channels for treatment — imported shots, expensive medicine — none of that would be in short supply for them. People would be eager to volunteer to supply them treatment, and maybe they would get to stay home and be cured with ease. Do you believe it? I simply liked to imagine the way they looked, miserable and embarrassed, miserable and embarrassed but still with their high-and-mighty expressions … that was truly satisfying — such a pitiful satisfaction was probably all I deserved. Only at moments like these I wouldn’t think myself lower than they were. I live with a clearer conscience than they do. Tell me, don’t I live with a clearer conscience than they do? Don’t stare at me like that. Will you, please? Hey, hey, why don’t you say something?”

Tiao heaved a sigh and said, “Fei, don’t torture yourself like this. Something big must have happened, as big as the sky. Which man have you been staying with recently? Can you tell me?”

Fei said, “I … my beauty is gone. Beauty is gone. Do you understand? I’ve been with nobody recently. I just stay by myself, home alone, at that place of mine in Shenzhen, the apartment that Boss Wang bought me when he was leaving. But something big did happen to me; I became more and more suspicious of one person. I spoke to you about Yu Dasheng, right? Yu Dasheng, the current vice governor of our province, used to be the director of my factory twenty years ago. I told you that I’d tried to use my body and my Coral Jewel watch to seduce him in order to get another job. I sat down on his lap and he lifted me off. He threw me out but transferred me to the office to work as a typist, which didn’t make sense. I’d never met anyone like him in my life, a man who intimidated me but also made me very much want to get close to him. But I didn’t even dare thank him. I felt he was the kind of man who didn’t like to express his personal feelings. He wasn’t cold, just very strong, and you would never know what he was thinking. After I left the factory, I gradually forgot about him. Later, it was Little Cui who reminded me. Last year, Little Cui and Er Ling came to see me out of the blue. His niece — Little Cui’s niece was already so grown up — fell two points short of the college entrance exam and they wanted me to find some connection to smooth things out. I couldn’t think of any, and Little Cui said I could ask the big leader to give a word from above. I said I didn’t know any big leader, and Little Cui said, ‘Don’t you know the vice governor, Yu Dasheng? He used to work in our factory.’ He exchanged a look with Er Ling after saying this, the kind that’s not very straightforward. Apparently they still firmly believed that Yu Dasheng and I had some kind of relationship, just as Little Cui had imagined when he was beating me or bent over my body. These looks and little gestures didn’t bother me anymore. What interested me was that Yu Dasheng was the vice governor of our province. You know I never paid attention to politics, never watched news on TV or read newspapers. It was ridiculous that I didn’t know Yu Dasheng was our vice governor until so late. I felt strangely excited and readily agreed to try to talk to him. I phoned the number that Little Cui provided and reached Governor Yu’s secretary, introducing myself as a worker who had worked in the factory where Governor Yu used to work, an ordinary worker, whom Governor Yu had helped and who just wanted a few minutes of Governor Yu’s time on behalf of a child.