Ivan Klima - The Ultimate Intimacy

At that very moment, one of his younger colleagues was at the rostrum dealing with the question whether it was possible to accept that Jesus was born of an immaculate virgin, or whether those few verses

about Mary's virginity were merely a reflection of early biblical tradition. What lent credence to the opposite view was not only the fact that two of the gospel writers did not hesitate to prove Jesus's kingly origins by giving Josephs family tree (each of them different, moreover) but also that the other two did not even mention Mary's virginity, so they either didn't know about it or did not accept it.

Even though the gospel account of Mary's virginity had always raised doubts in Daniel's mind and he had tended to see in it the influence of ancient pagan cults rather than a report of an inexplicable divine act, Daniel was unable to give the speaker his full attention. He had become increasingly absent-minded recently and he found it impossible to concentrate on anything that was at all abstract. On the other hand, his thoughts repeatedly wandered back to the problems of his private life.

During the lunch break, the conference broke up into groups. Daniel went for a walk with Martin.

They spent a few moments talking about what they had just heard. It seemed to Martin that the only thing that remained unshaken or beyond doubt in the New Testament message was the ethical message of the Sermon on the Mount. The virgin birth, along with the expulsion of evil spirits, miracles with bread and the calming of the sea, even the miraculous resurrection of the body, were all simply the products of the mythologizing talents of the early Christians.

Daniel would normally argue with him, refuting his heretical ideas, not because he regarded them as unacceptably wayward, but because they were too much in tune with his own doubts. When he used to assert that it was not possible to take one part of Christ's message and consign the rest to the realm of mythological notions, it was himself he was trying to convince rather than his friend.

On this occasion he remained silent, however. What point was there in talking to his friend about theological issues when he remained silent about what was preying on his mind most of all? His very mode of life called into question even the Sermon on the Mount. He didn't hunger and thirst after righteousness, he didn't commit adultery solely in his heart, and he was guilty of falsehoods.

Perhaps he had overestimated his failings. The modern world takes failings into account; it frees people from the burden of the soul and sin.

What sort of category is it, the modern world? Is it an awareness

that everything is permitted so long as it isn't an obvious and demonstrable crime?

'On the other hand, by casting doubt on what our forebears believed,' Martin added, 'we cast doubt on the tradition as a whole. And when people get rid of tradition, it's like someone losing their memory.'

'Except that what constitutes tradition,' he added in the next breath, 'we ourselves determine according to our taste and convictions. Because tradition can include all superstitions, prejudices and customs, such as knocking on wood in order not to speak too soon, or guardian angels. Not to mention the death penalty, faith in astrological predictions or the Christmas carp. Eat raw cabbage on an empty stomach on Wednesdays in Lent and you won't go astray the whole year. Swallows' droppings from a church tower will cure the fever. Eating an odd number of young mice will cure a fever. .'

They turned into a field and the path continued uphill. The day was unusually mild for January, only the tops of the distant hills were covered in snow.

A horse and cart suddenly appeared on the low ridge which they were approaching. It stopped. The person driving it was not to be seen and the motionless horse looked like a statue at that distance.

'When I was still in the highlands,' Martin recalled, 'there was only one private farmer left in Herálec. He had a horse — it must have been over twenty years old, but it still outlived his master. That man, before he died, asked to be drawn to the cemetery by his horse, not taken in some car belonging to the undertaker. The trouble was it turned out there was no funeral vehicle to be found anywhere that a horse could be hitched up to. So in the end we covered a dray in black muslin, decorated it with flowers and loaded the coffin on to it.'

'What brought that to mind now?'

'Maybe it was because of that horse standing in front of us. Or perhaps because we happened to be talking about tradition. That fellow wanted to preserve a tradition.'

'Well, people like that are a dwindling band.'

They walked on in silence for a while and then Daniel made up his mind to ask the favour he had been planning to ask for a long time: he needed someone to stand in for him for a while at work.

And what would you be doing? Are you going off somewhere?'

'I ve been offered an exhibition of my carvings,' he explained. 'I'd like to rid myself of all duties for a while at least.'

'You could ask Marie, she might be only too happy to do it!' Then the thought struck him: 'Those carvings aren't the main reason, though, are they?'

'No,' Daniel conceded.

'Something personal?'

He hesitated a moment. Martin was his best friend, the only real friend he had, in fact. They had never had any reason to conceal anything that went on in their lives. But now he remained silent about something that had transformed him more than anything else in the past. He felt an almost compelling urge to confide in him.

When Bára first came into his life, the only thing he had been conscious of was deceiving his wife, but as time went by he had become increasingly aware that the deception had spread to everyone he associated with. What is left for someone who conceals the most important thing in his life? Just words, empty words, a smokescreen that he erects around his own deeds. Martin might conceivably understand his feelings, but he could not condone his behaviour, his deception. He would tell him what he knew already: Go and do not sin again! But he knew he did not have the strength to do it. No one would help him out of the trap he was in. Besides he felt ashamed in front of his friend, and the shame was stronger than the need to confide in him. 'What isn't personal?' he said.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to pry.'

'We're also preparing to build a diaconal centre in the manse,' he said as an excuse. 'It's Hana's idea, she's had enough of working at the hospital.'

When they got back, there was a message at reception for Daniel to call home. He became alarmed. Hana usually didn't phone. Anything could have happened: to her, to the children; she could even have found out about Bára. He ought to be prepared with some explanation if that was the case.

Even over the phone he could tell Hana was upset.

'Sorry I'm disturbing you.'

'There's no reason to be sorry.' If she was apologizing, then he wasn't the reason for the call. 'Has something happened?'

'Yes, it's Eva. I thought you ought to hear about it as soon as possible.'

'Has something happened to her?'

'No, nothing that you might think. Dan, I've had a long talk with her and she knows I'm calling you. She herself told me to call you.'

'All right. So what's happened then?'

'She's expecting a baby!'

'She can't be. . Who with?'

'Petr, of course.'

'No. .' Then he said, 'I'll come home as soon as I possibly can.'

'You don't really have to, if you still have things to do there. We just wanted you to know. And don't be cross with her. There'd be no point now.'

4

Bára

The plane lands at Barcelona airport shortly after midday. Bára is somewhat ill at ease because it is years since she has travelled on her own, whereas Saša is a pilot's son and acts as if it was the most normal thing in the world for him to move about an unknown airport. Admittedly, his eyes are red and he sneezes from time to time, but he manages to retrieve his own and Bara's luggage and to find the stop for the airport bus that is to take them to Catalan Square. From there, according to the map, it is only a short walk to the hotel booked for them by the travel agency.