John Jodzio - Knockout

“Let’s go live in the country,” I tell Atomic. “We’ll open a restaurant. You’ll flip the burgers and I’ll bring out the plates. We’ll grow some weed in the basement of our house and sell it to all the high school kids. We’ll have a kid and name it Atomic Jr. and call it Tommy for short.”

He shakes his head no.

“This is going to work,” he says. “It’ll work if you’d just have a little patience.”

The bell rings twice in a row and the speed dating ends. We fill out an index card to say who we liked best. I give Willem the highest rating, even though I know he doesn’t exist. Graham is my second choice because at least he and I know how we want to die. I watch as everyone gathers up their coats. Some of them look giddy, but there are other ones, ones who haven’t made a match, who slink away. Atomic makes his way over to the bar with the blonde woman with the horse teeth. I sit across the bar from him now, wrapping and unwrapping my coat.

Don’t, I think, don’t. I try to make this word enter the blonde woman’s brain — get her to stop. It’s not working though, my telepathy; the blonde woman keeps twirling her hair, gulping her margarita. My powers of suggestion are weak and the waiters, dressed in those stupid Cuban shirts, keep cutting through my view, running baskets of chips, huge drinks, sizzling and steaming platters of food, their trays held up to the heavens like they are offering up a sacrifice to some enchilada-loving god.

“You’ll follow me back,” Atomic told me, “and after I tie her up, I’ll let you in.”

Don’t, I keep thinking, but this woman isn’t listening. She’s happy to be talking to Atomic, so beautiful and so interested in her. She’s drunk and she’s telling herself this is real. She’s probably telling that to herself over and over because that’s what she wants to believe.

Irun to the bathroom and while I’m there, I think about ruining the plan. I think about walking up to Atomic and saying something like, “I’ve been looking all over for you. Your mother just had a stroke.” Or maybe I’ll just yell at him like I’m a jilted lover.

When I get back out to the bar there are now two women sitting next to Atomic, the woman with the horse teeth and a new woman with short black hair and glasses. I wonder where she came from, but I don’t have long to mull it over, because all three of them stand up, put on their coats, and leave.

They walk out the door and down the street, arm in arm in arm. They skip for half a block. What the hell is he doing? Is he going to tie both of them up, bleed both of their bank accounts dry?

The three of them walk past that coffee shop where I worked for a week before I got fired. They duck into a loading dock. I stand across the street and watch Atomic kiss the blonde woman. After he is finished kissing her, he kisses the brunette. Then the two women kiss. They pull apart and giggle for a second, but Atomic takes the back of their heads and pushes them back together.

“Whatever you see isn’t real,” Atomic told me before he went into the restaurant, “whatever you see is just acting, okay?”

They stumble down the block. Soon both of the women guide Atomic up the steps of a condo. I see the lights turn on inside. I crouch right underneath the window. There are no cars around and I hear the clinking of glassware inside. It’s snowing now, huge flakes.

I wait for Atomic to tie them up and let me in, but there’s nothing. I wait ten minutes, twenty minutes, still nothing. While I’m standing there, a car pulls up across the street and honks at me. And then it honks again. I hear someone call out for Rita.

“Rita?” he says again. I do not answer him because that’s not my name. I do not answer him because I’m hiding in some bushes outside a stranger’s condo.

“Rita?” he yells out. “Everything okay?”

I climb out of the shrubbery and see Graham sitting in his idling car.

“I saw you run out of the bar,” he says. “I’m not normally this creepy. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”

I try to look inside the condo, but the blinds are closed. All I can see is the flicker of candlelight; all I can hear now are murmurings, maybe some light moaning. I know that I need to go now, that waiting here any longer will be horrible for me.

“Hold on,” I tell Graham.

I grab a piece of landscape brick from a retaining wall in front of the condo and I rear back and throw it through the window. I watch as the glass explodes and then I hear the screams from inside. I sprint to Graham’s car.

“Drive,” I tell him.

Afew blocks later, I realize I’m still wearing my nametag, “Ms. Rita Johnstone,” and I rip it off me. I crumple it up and throw it out the window.

“My real name’s Ellen,” I tell Graham.

Graham turns left, heads back toward downtown.

“Nice to meet you, Ellen,” he says. “Where do you want me to take you?”

“Show me something,” I say.

We drive for a few minutes and then Graham pulls up next to a construction site. It’s about half done, mostly just girders, the outline of what it will be.

“This is what I’m working on now. It’s an up-and-coming neighborhood,” he tells me. “There’s a coffee shop going up over there. There’s going to be a new grocery store around the corner.”

Graham gets out of the car and I follow him. We stare through the chain link fence into the construction site. Graham keeps talking and pointing. I’m cold, so I lean into him and he puts his arm around me. The snow has placed a soft cover over everything hard and I close my eyes and turn toward his face and wait patiently for him to press his lips against my lips.

Cantwell found the dead horse near the dry creek. There was a neon-green Post-it note slapped on the horse’s flank with the word “Sorry” written on it. The word was scribbled in blue glitter pen and the “o” in “sorry” was shaped like a goddamn heart.

The early morning sky was orange but would not be for much longer. Cantwell’s bad hip said rain, but his trick knee said no way. He leaned against the hood of his truck and pulled out his cell phone and dialed up Lupe. While he waited for him to answer, Cantwell’s eyes scanned back across the pasture. The destruction started at the county road. Muddy tire ruts that dropped down from the tar. A gaping hole in the west-edge fence. Shitty after shitty spirographed in the pasture grass. The horse lay at the end of a long skid, its ribs bayonetted through its midriff. Around its torso was a pool of blood that hadn’t yet settled into the loam. Cantwell fished the bottle of whiskey he’d dug out of the snake-bite kit and took a long pull.

“Hello?” Lupe said.

“When you come in,” Cantwell told him, “bring your digging gloves.”

Last summer, the owner of the Tanglewood Ranch, Tee Dennison, had transformed the ranch into a wedding venue. With this change, he turned Cantwell into a cowboy who barely cowboyed. Instead of mending fences, Cantwell drove a pickup to the discount liquor store in Kalispell. Instead of loading hay bales, he filled his payload with vodka and beer.

Cantwell had nearly quit ten times since. Every time he voiced his displeasure, Dennison went into his safe and pulled out a thick stack of twenties. He pushed them across his desk to Cantwell and told him he was sorry but that this was the way it was now. Dennison knew full well that Cantwell had a daughter in college and that he still paid the tab for his ex-wife’s twice-a-week dialysis. Cantwell had a weakness for tax-free cash and he always shoved the money into his pocket.