Elias Khoury - Broken Mirrors

That day, while Nasim was getting the grill ready, mixing the tabbouleh, and diluting the arak with water, Salma was sitting silently on the end of the couch like an unwanted guest, unresponsive to the fooling around of the boys, who considered her visits to their house, like theirs to hers, an occasion for celebration.

“What’s up with you, Mother, sitting there like an owl and not answering the boys?” Hend asked, as she came and went bearing the food her husband had made in the kitchen. “I always thought you adored them.”

The conversation between the two women flew in all directions and was made up of incomplete sentences that followed the rhythm of Hend’s shuttling to and from the kitchen. As a result Karim didn’t understand a thing. The only thing that stuck in his mind was the phrase “the three moons” and he thought the women must be discussing the school of that name located in Nazlet el-Akkawi, a semi-private school founded by the Greek Orthodox diocese of Beirut for the poor children of the community. He surmised Hend had decided to move her boys from the Lycée to the school.

“How come? The Three Moons isn’t an SKS barracks any longer?” he said, referring to the Phalangist military police.

Hend explained that the diocese had recovered the school from the Phalanges Party and appointed a new headmaster, a graduate of the Greek Orthodox Balamand Monastery called Father Eliyya, “but we weren’t talking about the school, we were talking about something else.”

Karim recalled the story of Salma’s three sons by her first marriage in the Akkar district whom Hend had called “the three moons.” He wanted to ask Hend why she hadn’t told her mother that the three brothers had fled their village after the peasants burned their houses during the revolution led by Yahya Nabulsi. But he thought the subject too sensitive and that it would cast a shadow over the feast his brother was preparing, so decided to drop it. He spoke of the children’s problems at school and said a solution could be found for that of Nasri, his brother’s second son, who was seven: the boy was no worse than his father and his inability to write was a minor issue, especially with the development of modern pedagogical methods. There was no need to ruin the boys’ future by transferring them from the school they were in to another of below-average standard.

He looked at Salma and said, “I’m sure Mrs. Salma would agree with me.”

But Salma didn’t answer. She looked at him with vacant eyes and said she was sorry but she hadn’t been paying attention.

Karim fled the stifling atmosphere of the dining room, preferring to go to the kitchen to help his brother.

In the kitchen he beheld an extraordinary sight: Nasim, sleeves rolled up, was threading pieces of meat onto the skewers; giving strict orders to his wife; mincing the parsley, then discovering that he’d forgotten the bulgur; shouting for a bowl, then starting to chop the aubergine preparatory to threading it on the skewers next to the meat; yelling, then laughing, then pouring himself a glass of arak and sipping it. He noticed his brother in the kitchen. “What’s wrong with you, standing around doing nothing? Pour yourself a glass of arak and come and help me.”

“What’s this shambles?” said Karim.

“It’s a shambles and worse than a shambles,” said Hend. “I swear, every Sunday he comes back from church all hot and bothered and look what happens. He calls himself a chef! He’s a disaster — strews bulgur and parsley all over the floor and stinks up the sink with scraps of meat and fat, and then it’s, ‘Hop to it, Hend, clean up this mess!’ ”

“If I were all hot and bothered like you say, I’d have screwed you on the bed, madam!”

“I’ve told you a hundred times I hate that kind of talk, especially in front of other people.”

“Why? Where are the other people? My brother’s ‘other people’ now?”

Nasim looked at his brother and explained that his wife was crazy. “We begged her to let us get her a maid and she kicked up a terrible fuss, saying she couldn’t bring herself to exploit people. Ghazala came. I told her, ‘This is Matrouk’s wife and Matrouk’s my friend. Let her come and help you with the apartment.’ Then when Ghazala was here she’d sit with her in the living room and treat her like a lady and they’d drink coffee and when they were through she’d give her some money — and now she comes and starts going on about the housework. Sunday’s the one day when I can enjoy myself. I like cooking and getting drunk with my family, and every Sunday, swear to God, it’s the same. Even on my birthday she wants to spoil my mood. But, with the arak in place, morale is high! Cheers!”

Karim went to the table and began threading meat with his brother and the laughter — of a childhood recovered in the shape of two grown men drinking arak and cooking — rose high.

“If only you could be with us, Nasri!” said Karim.

“What made you think of the departed in the middle of all this?” asked Nasim.

Karim said that ever since his return to Beirut he’d felt a strange yearning for the man. “You know, we didn’t give him his due and caused him a lot of grief at the end of his life. All the poor man had eyes for in this world was his Trinity and by the time we came together again and started working, he was dead. Damn it, life’s cruel! If he could just have been in on the hospital project with us, it would have been the happiest time of his life.”

Nasim nodded in agreement and said he’d discovered he grew more like his father the older he got. “Even those rituals of his that I used to hate I now perform with my children without realizing it. Strange how people change!”

They were once again the twins that Nasri Shammas had wanted to see complement each other so they could become him. “I have to mix you into one another so you can become like me. There must have been some kind of technical slip-up and instead of the genetic components sticking together in one egg so that you could come out as one boy they got divided into two, one my brainy half and the other my canny half. It’s all your late mother’s fault. Her body couldn’t muster enough strength to push, so she sliced the genes into two, God rest her soul — she was sick and her body was weak.”

It was this sort of talk that had made the blood of the two small boys run cold with fear. It made them feel permanently inferior.

“But he was very hard on us, God rest his soul, and gave us no room to breathe,” said Nasim.

“But the poor man lived a long life alone,” said Karim. “Twice we prevented him from marrying. He used to say, ‘All the women in the world aren’t worth one of my boys’ legs!’ ”

“Don’t forget there was nothing lousy he didn’t take a shot at. Why should he marry again when he could get any woman he wanted? I’m sure Father was a dirtier dog than us. He was always in macho mode and had a roving eye till the day he died,” Nasim said.

In this exchange, which took place to the clatter of pots and plates, what wasn’t said was more important than what was. Nasim would have liked to tell his brother that the sympathy Karim now felt for Nasri stemmed from the fact that he hadn’t lived with him; he’d run away to France and left the entire burden on his brother’s shoulders. Plus he’d been the indulged child while the whole weight of repression had fallen on his younger brother. Karim for his part would have liked to say that all the disasters started when his brother had run away from home. Nasri had changed radically that day and become mean and full of bitterness. He would have liked to ask his brother if he’d ever felt the need to apologize to his father and acknowledge his mistakes.