Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

“Aw- ite . Tha’s tight. I can live with that, without the Cameron Diaz part, I don’t wanna be lookin like no Cammy D!”

“In the vision, Laurence Fishburne took you under his wing but you became more famous. And he was a gentleman about it, he didn’t become envious or bare a grudge. In my vision, you’re like as famous as Will Smith, who by the way we are going to be very close with, their kids are much older but like, Jada’s gunna be our kids’ godmom.”

“Jada’s one of their kids?”

“ No, Jada Pinkett , Will’s wife—— ”

“O yeah! The swingers & shit? The swinger shit’s dope.”

“—— and I’ve already finished forensics school. I could have worked for the city like the city of Los Angeles, for the LAPD, the city really wanted me to but I decided to just, like, be a consultant on CSI . That way I can spend more time home with the kids. And even though he’s not on the show anymore, because Laurence is our friend , he helped get me the job . On CSI . Right?”

“That’s right, he’s family. I mean the mutherfucker made me. Always did me a solid, just like Denzel to Antwone. Hey, are we gunna have a sextape?”

“ No. Well — we might have. No, I know! Someone hacked nude pics that I took on my cell & sent you in middleschool, I was totally underage but they’re these amazing — ”

“I know the one’s you’re talking about.”

“No you don’t , not these ones, because I’m totally making it up! Anyway, I’m amazing looking & they’re totally tastefully done , like Scarlett’s, I totally look bitchen & our publicist — our publicist is going to say ‘Reeyonna’s not ashamed of those pictures’ & I’ll give interviews like Heather Morris and Kreayshawn did about theirs, saying very cool & calm that I knew they would eventually come to light. But in my vision, I probably have to change my name , there can’t be two famous Reeyonnas!”

“ Say ma name same ma name—— how about using Jerilynn?”

( playful ) “Fuck you!”

“Hey, in your vision, do you like have us goin into rehab and shit?”

“NO. Well. . . . maybe . It’s not in my vision but maybe there’s some kinda drama everybody’s going to want to write about on the internet, you know, something that makes people feel closer to us, lets em see we’re human beings too, you know, like ‘stars are just like them’——& o! And we have like 6 million followers on Twitter!”

“Right on.”

“Maybe you go to rehab. . .”

“Hey now c’mon be fair.”

“And our publicist like says ‘Rikki realized he had a problem with the painkillers he was taking after recent surgery on his knee———’”

“Hey that’s in your vision, not mine. I ain’t goin to no rehab.”

“———all like ‘Rikki knew he had to do something about it.’ You’ll like go to Promises right near our Malibu beach house but it’s like a one-time thing. You get day passes anyway because you’ll have one of those sober companions. If I went to rehab, it’d have to be like for something that wasn’t drugs, like for bipolar or maybe outing myself for bulimia. And when I got out I’d go on all the talkshows, like Ellen & Anderson Cooper & maybe even become a spokesperson for raising awareness in teens.”

“Where did you say we were living again?”

“Well, we have a beach house in Malibu, like next to all our celebrity friends. But we’d have a house up here too, on Mulholland. And on weekends we’d go to the beach & barbecue with friends, like Scarlett & Naya & Minka & all the Kardashians, whoever’s in town. And Katniss Everdeen! We’d be tight with Matthew McConaughey and his wife, our kids are gunna play with their kids. (Their kids are Levi & Vida , I so love those names.) Matthew would teach our son to surf. And Laird Hamilton, he lives in Malibu with Gabrielle. We’ll probably have a house in Hawaii & also a big apt in NY, maybe in the same building as Carrie Bradshaw.”

“I want to be friends with some rappers , girl. Are we tight with the youngmoney crew? I want to be all partying with Drizzy and shit.”

Reeyonna froze, putting her palm flat on her pant pocket. Rikki said,

“Cause we need to be down with Weezy & Ye.” He saw the blood run out of her face. “What’s the matter girl?”

“My wallet——————”

“Your purse — in the pouch?”

“No, I don’t think ,” she said, trancelike. “I’ve been carrying it with me. It has all the money. . . . . ”

“Hold on. Hold on. We’ll find it. You had it at the restaurant cause that’s how we paid, right? With the money.”

Reeyonna didn’t answer.

She got up and ran to the pouch — nothing. Shocky, she walked to where they 1st stood, where the hill begins to slope down. “Where’s your phone?” she said.

They crouched down as he shined the phone here & there.

“We need to go back——— OMG. O M G!”

“Don’t lose your wig, Ree. We’ll find it. We’re gunna find it . Cmon, let’s go back. To the restaurant.”

As they climbed on the bike he asked her why she was carrying all cashmoney anyway. She said because she thought Tom-Tom might go thru her shit & steal it.

“Rikki, if I lost that money I’m going to fucking kill myself.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am. I’m serious.”

This time it’s lively at Sur.

6 or 7 paparrazzi out front. . . . . . . …

Rikki waits for the hostess while ReeRee goes to look in the bathroom. There is zero chance the wallet would be in there but in her dreamlike moment of desperation, she wouldn’t be surprised to find herself checking her socks to see if the money found its way to the bottom of her foot or on the way home maybe searching the high branches of tall dark faraway trees.

The hostess is kind, but there’s only a sad solitary set of keys in the makeshift lost & found drawer. Have you asked the valet? Rikki says, we didn’t valet park. Oh, uhm, OK. Well give me your name & your number & we’ll call if it turns up. Sometimes things just turn up.

Reeyonna tells him she’s going back to where they 1st parked for dinner. She walks then runs. Two s pounding, hers & the little one’s. . she actually starts getting hopeful because she’s already visualizing the wallet in the gutter, she can see it fortuitously hidden in shadow from potential thieves. She has these strong visions. . sees herself grabbing it with joyful expulsion of breath & preg-sprinting back to Sur screaming I found it! Rikki, I found it! Can hear herself saying that — both laughing at the averted horror then going to celebrate at Millions of Milkshakes which for some reason they’d fatefully forgotten to before…

Rikki decided he might as well take a piss. The hostess kind of eyed him as he came in again and walked past, that trespassy look subtly informing that a courtesy was being bestowed because his right to pee had expired.

He stood at the urinal. Someone flushed then opened the stall door, no stench. The man went to the sink to wash. Rikki stole a glance — Laurence Fishburne.

And the actor was gone.

Toiling, Spinning

The