Bruce Wagner - Dead Stars

OMG the food was crazy good. She couldn’t wait to bring her BFFs here, she missed them so much! Since she ran away everyone was planning to get together but something always happened and it got fucked up. ReeRee had the shrimp dumpling appetizer that http://www.twisting-the-nosh-away/sur-menu-faves/ said was a fave of the Olsens & Rikki had the calamari Jimmy Fallon scarfed whenever he was on the “Left Coast.” For their salads, Rikki chose the Fantasia (HeMo said it was to die for) and Ree settled on the deceptively simple amazingly fresh house salad. A taste bud treat! For her entree, she ordered the vegetarian Arborio rice that Alicia Silverstone, Amber Tamblyn & Anna Paquin found so alluring (Mrs. Paquin Moyer also adored the lemon picada chicken) & Rikki got the Ahi tuna that Lamar & Khloé twittered about. For dessert? A blackberry cobbler that Sur’s Facebook page said Dr. Drew always ordered “without fail” (also a fave of the late Jeff Conaway and the late Mike Starr), & a trio of sorbets which happened to be loved by the trio of Ivanka Trump, Ashlee Simpson & Lake Bell.

After three glasses of wine, ReeRee made up her mind to not just do something, sit there — meaning, past the verbally contracted 6:30PM ultimatum. It wasn’t until 6:45 that the hostess approached with a sweetly pained expression to say she needed their table, which by then was totally fine. ReeRee had proved her point, that she was someone to be reckoned with.

They sauntered out. Still no paparazzi & the night was still bright.

. .

They took Coldwater then turned left, west on Mulholland, tracing the mountain’s spine until they reached a lookout with benches facing the Valley. Rikki lit a joint & they smoked for a while, standing/straddling the little bike like a wooden horse and staring into the glittertwink.

“Rikki, I want to move out of that house.”

Silence.

Wind.

All of the lights, above & below.

She was buzzed from the weed and the 7.5 vikes.

The MDMA was fading…

“We can find like a little apt above a garage in Hollywood or even the Valley. On Craigslist month to month.”

Silence & whistly wind between silences.

“I just keep having this feeling , I’ve had it since I got pregnant. That once we get a home of our own, good shit’ll start to happen for us.”

They got off the bike and stood on the lip of the lookout where the grass met the dirt of the hill. Teenage wastedland. A good 10 minutes standing & staring into the bejeweled voidspace of the world. Benched themselves. Took in cityscape & night sky. Finished the blunt. Bathed in ½-wind/½-breeze, ½-warm/½-cool. ReeRee goosebumpshivered. Holyshit I am so loaded Rikki this shit is so intense I am so, sooooooooooo fucking stoned.

Jus sittin on the dark of the bench… wastin’ time. Wasted—

This bench is so weird…

… does it seem weird to you?

wind and silence wind and silence silence wind swhoosh swhoosh swhoosh what IS that. Oh. Cars. Three cars. That’s so weird they’re behind us but it totally sounded like they were in front of us. In the sky. A fourth one slows — a couple looking for their own empty lookout. They clock Ree & Rikki & then the car vanishes.

Half a swhoosh. . . . . …

“Rikki, you have got to promise me one thing , you have to . Our baby is going to be beautiful but if something’s wrong with it which there will not be but if there is you have to totally promise you will love it like you would a baby who was perfect .” Crying now. “Because what I’m saying is there is no such thing as a baby who isn’t totally fucking perfect . Will you promise?”

“Shit yeah. Course I will.”

She liked the firmness of his response. In that unexpected, cool voice she began to sing I am beautiful no matter what they say trailing it off to nothingness/voidspace again.

Then:

Quiet inward ruminations on both ends.

Then:

“You know, maybe I’ll get that movie.”

“OMG, wouldn’t that be insane ?” Her own voice startles her and she realizes how stoned she is again. But so happy! “How much do you think you’d get paid?”

“I don’t know. Shit. They gotta give me sumthin,” he said humbly, ever aware not to jinx.

“Probably like a hundred thousand? I am so proud of you for doing that, Rikki . I mean you fucking suited up & showed up, which is way more than I’ve been doing.”

“You’re doing a lot . You’re fuckin having a kid . That’s amazing . That’s serious , I couldn’t do that shit.”

“Did I tell you that? How proud I was of you? OMG I don’t even think I did , I’ve been a total fucking bitch . Ima crazy hormones. But listen to me Rikki are you listening I really want you to listen and hear this, it is so fucking amazing you even did that & that your audition was with Michael Douglas & Laurence Fishburne! OMG! How bitchen and magical is that? Did I ever tell you I really only started getting into CSI really late ? Like when Laurence Fishburne came on the show? He is so totally the reason I wanted to become a crime scene investigator. He was totally in my vision.”

“Vision?”

She grabbed Rikki’s hand & held it to her belly for the babykick.

“Whoa,” said Rikki. “Boy’s gunna be a soccer superstar.”

“Unless it’s a girl .”

“Then girl’ll be a soccer superstar.”

Quiet. Just wind, light. Warm. Lovely. His arm around her.

“I had this total vision of our life. A few weeks ago. I mean, of the life we could have, will have. I didn’t tell you about it because I thought you’d laugh.”

“I wouldn’t laugh, Ree.”

He kissed her cheek & caressed her hair. Daubed an already flat tear on her cheekbone with one of his knuckles she liked that.

“We were in all the magazines———!”

“Is that right?” he said, happy to go along. Happy she was out of bitch mode, happy to be having kind of a chummy little bullshit romantic moment even if he wasn’t attracted to her, even if he thought he never would be again, even if just the thought of fucking her made him want to puke. But happy and glad tho, just now, to be talkin about when they’d be ballin…

“I was pushing one of these really expensive strollers, with our toddler. & you were holding Baby #2 in your arms. & there were already all these articles about how fast I shed my baby weight.”

“So we’re gunna have two?”

“Maybe more ,” she smiled.

“Was I ripped? I mean, am I gunna be ripped? You can at least give me a six-pack.”

“You already have one. But yeah, in my vision you’re totally ripped, like Cameron Diaz!”

“Hey that ain’t right.”

“OK Jennifer Garner then. No seriously. In my vision, there was a toddler and a newborn. I can’t explain it but it was like way more than a daydream. I saw in my head this magazine, right? And I wasn’t even stoned. Well maybe a little. & in the magazine there was this shot of Tom, Katie & Suri next to a shot of Ben & Jennifer and Violet & Seraphina. And next to them was you & me , our family .”

“What did we name our kids?”

“It didn’t say. In the vision. But you were the famous one, it was really clear about that.”

“Famous for what?”

“Like, movies & television.”